All right, we're here in 1 Samuel chapter 25, and we're starting a two-part series.
The second sermon will be preached in two weeks called Words of Etiquette.
And in America, the second biggest holiday behind Christmas is Thanksgiving, and it's
always on the fourth Thursday of November.
And what I've been doing just the last couple of years is kind of preaching a theme sermon
on being thankful.
It's something that seems very simple, but I think it's something, especially in today's
world, that is just kind of being lost, just having proper etiquette, having manners.
It's something we need to teach our kids at a young age.
And so I want to preach a sermon that's on that theme here, and the name of the sermon
is Words of Etiquette, dash, thank you, please, and po.
Thank you, please, and po.
Now, the definition of etiquette is the customary code of polite behavior in society or among
members of a particular profession or group.
And let me just kind of give you some basic examples of etiquette.
So for example, if you play soccer, at the end of a game, the customary thing is your
team lines up, the other team lines up, and you just kind of go down and just shake hands
or hit hands and say, good game, good game, good game.
It doesn't matter if you won, doesn't matter if you lost, doesn't matter what happened
in the game.
It's just the proper etiquette you do after the game.
And if somebody refuses to do that, you just think, you know, voila, shanghia, right?
It's like that is so bastos to just not hit hands and say, good game at the end of the
game.
In other sports, some of the customary things like MMA and boxing where they will like tap
gloves often at the beginning, and if you offer to tap gloves and the other person doesn't
do it, it's like, what is that guy's problem?
Right?
I mean, you're just being nice, you're just being friendly.
You know, I remember going back 30 years when the Chicago Bulls finally beat the Detroit
Pistons, and then the Detroit Pistons refused to shake hands with the Chicago Bulls, which
is what led to the Michael Jordan, Isaiah Thomas rivalry that's been going on for like
30-whatever years or whatever, because it's just common courtesy.
It's like even if you lost, if you lose, you just congratulate the other team.
You say, good job, you beat us, well done.
It's just proper etiquette.
Right?
Now, I do want you to realize that etiquette can kind of vary depending on where you live
and what culture you're in.
So for example, in a lot of countries in Africa, it's considered a compliment if you gain weight
because of the fact, you know, maybe in a lot of countries they don't have a lot of
food.
So if you tell someone, hey, it looks like you gained some weight recently, it's like,
well, thank you very much.
But I can say this, that if you say that in the U.S., that is a massive insult.
It's like you don't tell somebody in the U.S., hey, you know what, you're fat, or hey, it
looks like you've been eating a lot of food recently.
That would be considered very poor etiquette and very rude.
So you need to understand, depending on what culture you live in, it might be different.
My point in that is, if you look in the Bible, you're not going to see the word pope.
It does not exist in the Bible.
There is no similar equivalence in the Bible, but what you do see is God's people doing
proper etiquette in the society they live in.
So maybe the phrases are different, maybe the words are different, but if you pay attention
to how God's people act, you see that they have good manners, they have good etiquette,
even though the phrases and the culture's customs are a little bit different than what
they would be here or from the U.S. where I'm from.
I know being married that there's just things that are slightly different between the U.S.
and the Philippines that you've got to kind of adjust to because, you know, my wife and
I are from different cultures, and some things are a little bit different.
Now here in 1 Samuel chapter 25, we see the two different extremes.
We see the person with good manners, and we see the person that is very bestows here in
1 Samuel 25.
Notice what it says here in verse 5.
And David sent out ten young men, and David said unto the young men, Get you up to Carmel,
and go to Nabal, and greet him in my name.
And thus shall you say to him that liveth in prosperity, Peace be both to thee, and
peace be to thine house, and peace be unto all that thou hast.
And now I have heard that thou hast shearers, now thy shepherds which are with us, we hurt
them not.
Neither was their odd missing unto them all the while they were in Carmel.
Ask thy young men, and they will show thee.
Therefore let the young men find favor in thine eyes, for we come in a good day.
Give I pray thee whatsoever cometh to thine hand, unto thy servants, and to thy son David.
And so David is in a bit of a desperate situation.
They don't have food.
They don't have water.
Obviously David was a great military general that was leading them and doing great things,
and he helped the country become prosperous.
And he's saying in a very kind way, in a very nice way, saying, Hey, we're kind of desperate.
Can you just give us a little bit of food?
Can you give us a little bit of water?
And here's what it says in verse 9.
And when David's young men came, they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the
name of David, and ceased.
And Nabal answered David's servants and said, Who is David?
And who is the son of Jesse?
There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master.
And you know what?
I believe that's basically the tone that Nabal had, because when it comes to proper etiquette,
it's not just the words you say.
It's also your tone.
It's also your nonverbal communication.
You could literally say the exact same thing, but in a different way, and the reaction would
be very different.
So for example, if Nabal was going to turn them down, he could have done it in a polite
way, right?
He could have said, I'm sorry, but I just don't have enough food and drink for your
men.
We're low ourselves.
Or he could have been polite and said, I'm sorry.
It's just I can't agree to your request.
But that's not the way that he said it.
He's like, Who is David?
And he's trying to pretend like he doesn't know who this is, like this is a nobody.
It's like David was a celebrity.
They literally wrote songs about him.
They said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David is ten thousands.
He's a celebrity.
Everybody knows who David is, everybody.
He's like, Who is David?
And who is the son of Jesse?
So I thought you didn't know who David was.
So how is it you know his father?
It's like, Who is this guy?
I've never heard of him.
But you know who his father is.
It's like, okay, you've obviously heard of him.
So don't pretend like you don't know who David is.
And he says, Who is the son of Jesse?
And he says, There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master.
So how is he aware of basically what's going on in David's life, that he's basically at
enmity with King Saul?
Obviously you know who David is, you know his story, and he would know that David is
innocent, and King Saul is wrong.
Look, it's often true that you'll look at political leaders, and it's obvious to everybody
that they're wrong, what they're doing is wicked, and we don't say anything because
it's not the safest thing to do.
But obviously Nabal knows that King Saul is wrong, David has done nothing, and King Saul
is unjustly persecuting David.
And yet he's being very rude and acting as if David's the one that's in error.
Notice what it says in verse number 11, Shall I then take my bread and my water and my flesh
that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men whom I know not whence they be?
And of course he lies again, he's like, I don't know where they came from.
From whence are they?
You know who David is, you know their story, you know where they came from, you are just
lying because you don't want to give them any food and water, you're very selfish, right?
And so here's the thing, it's not the fact that he turns them down, it's the way that
he did it.
He could have done it in a nice way, he could have done it in a polite way, but instead
of being nice, instead of being polite, what you see is he says it in the rudest possible
way.
Well, notice what it says in verse number three, drop back to verse number three.
Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail, and she was a woman
of good understanding and of a beautiful countenance, but the man was churlish and
evil in his doings, and he was of the house of Caleb.
So the Bible says this man Nabal was a very rude person, evil in his doings, he had a
bad attitude, he had bad etiquette, so it's not surprising that this is the way that he
responds to David.
Now let me ask you a question, what is your reaction if somebody is rude to you?
Let's say for example you're going about your day and let's say you're just at, I don't
know, a sorry, sorry store or whatever, or you're at 7-Eleven and you ask for something,
hey, do you have, you know, whatever, do you have peanuts, do you have a bottle of water,
and then they don't have any and they say, no, I don't have water, why are you asking
me?
You'd be like, excuse me?
It's like, do you have a problem, I mean, do you want to fight?
Because of a rude response, what's the result?
It makes you mad, doesn't it?
And hopefully we have enough control over our attitude that we won't say anything or
have a bad attitude back because two wrongs do not make a right, but I'm just saying if
somebody is rude to you, what is the natural response inside of your body?
It's not to be polite back to them, is it?
They're rude to you, then you're very likely to be rude back to them.
Notice what it says here in verse 12, verse 12, so David's young men turned their way
and went again and came and told him all these sayings, and David said unto his men,
gird he on every man his sword, and they girded on every man his sword, and David also girded
not his sword, and there went up after David about 400 men and 200 abode by the stuff.
So as a result of Nabal being rude to David, David basically says, you know what, everybody
get your sword and just kill everybody and just take what they have.
One thing that's interesting about this is that David usually is very long-suffering,
right?
I mean, you're reading the Bible, and David is long-suffering as Saul's trying to kill
him.
He's having a good response, but here's the reality.
No matter how good of control you have over yourself, we all have bad days.
We all have stressful times, and at this moment, David's like, you know what, just kill them.
Just we're going to take it by force if he's not going to give it to us.
Now is that right to just kill everybody because Nabal doesn't give you food?
Because it's not like Nabal's men did anything.
It's not like those of his household did anything.
It's just this one man who's acting very rude.
Now I'm going to give you an example of my personal life when I was in Sacramento.
There's this guy at the church, and he's not at the church anymore.
He's been gone for a while, and I would often give people rides to church in my car if there's
people that needed a ride to church.
There was this one guy, and sometimes I would just do it, but other times it was part of
my job because there's people at church that need picked up, and I worked for Verity Baptist
and Pastor Menace.
There was this one guy that I would pick up, and whenever I went to pick him up, he was
never ready.
I mean, it's like, I'll pick you up at 5 p.m., and he was never ready, and I'm sitting outside
of his house, and it's like 5.01, 5 ... I mean, I've rung the doorbell and said, hey,
you know I'm here, and I'm just waiting and waiting because ... I mean, I work for the
church.
I have a lot of stuff I have to do at the church, right?
I need to get there.
It's like, I'm picking you up at this time.
We'll go to the church, and then I have stuff I need to do, and I'm just waiting and waiting
and waiting, and I would pick this guy up a couple times every week, so this is like
every single time, and above that, never once did he ever say thank you.
I mean, you give somebody a ride.
I mean, I give him a ride, and he doesn't say anything like thank you for picking me
up or anything.
I mean, he's late, and then all of a sudden, he comes in, and it's like he doesn't even
say thank you, and here's the thing.
It's like I think that I'm pretty good at controlling my temper and having patience,
but when it's week after week after week, I'm thinking, didn't your parents teach you
the word thank you?
It's like you've got to be kidding me, right?
It just drove me crazy.
It's like, why wouldn't you just say thank you?
You say, why?
Because it's just proper etiquette.
We all know that.
Right?
I mean, you say, well, where's the verse that says it's a sin not to say it?
You know what?
That's just a stupid argument.
That's just foolish things to say.
It's just proper etiquette.
It's just proper attitude.
Somebody does something for you, you say thank you, and look, this is even if you buy something
at a store, and they give it to you, say thank you.
That's just what you do.
We're living in a day where kids are not being taught this growing up, and we're living in
a culture that's becoming more and more rude with each and every passing year.
We all know this is the case, but it's just like he would never say thank you ever.
There was somebody else at the church that I would give rides, and he was always so appreciative.
He's like, thank you very much for picking me up, and the reality is that I would pick
people up all the time, and I'm busy.
I have a lot of stuff to do.
I have to get stuff done at the church, so sometimes I didn't really want to pick
somebody up because I'm already stressed with time, but this guy would always say thank
you very much for picking me up, and you know what took place?
All of a sudden, me being in a bad mood kind of just went down because he's so appreciative
just because of the response and the way that he said it.
Well notice what it says here in verse number 23.
And when Abigail saw David, she hasted and lied off the ass and fell before David on
her face and bowed herself to the ground and fell at his feet and said, upon me, my lord,
upon me, let this iniquity be, and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience,
and hear the words of thine handmaid.
Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal, for as his name
is, so is he.
Nabal is his name, and folly is with him, but I thine handmaid saw not the young men
of my lord, whom thou didst ascend.
Now let me say this on a side point because we can learn a lot of lessons from this story,
and I think Abigail gives us just a good picture of being godly and mature, but at the same
time, you know, it's like you should not call your husband a reprobate, okay?
Because she's basically just saying, you know, my husband's such a wicked and evil person.
I have no idea why she married him.
I mean, it's kind of like a big question mark in the Bible.
It's like he's obviously a really bad guy, and she seems very polite and very kind and
very ladylike.
But she says this to basically pacify the anger of David.
Notice what it says in verse 26.
Now therefore, my lord, as the lord liveth and as thy soul liveth, seeing the lord hath
withhold me from coming to shed blood and from avenging myself with thine own hand,
now let thine enemies and they that seek evil to my lord be as Nabal.
And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be
given unto the young men that follow my lord.
I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid, for the lord will certainly make
my lord a sure house, because my lord fighteth the battles of the lord, and evil hath not
been found in thee all thy days.
You know, one other thing to look at is the fact that Abigail takes responsibility for
something that she's not even at fault for.
She says, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid.
And really, she didn't do anything wrong, but it just kind of shows us that when we're
having situations, one thing we can do is just try to take responsibility, even if we
don't feel like we're fully responsible for a situation.
Now notice the reaction of David when Abigail is very kind to him.
Verse 32, and David said to Abigail, blessed be the lord god of Israel, which sent thee
this day to meet me, and blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou which thou hast kept me
this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.
So we have Nabal is very rude to David, and he wants to just kill everybody.
Abigail is very polite, is very kind, and all of a sudden David's anger is gone, and
he has the right attitude after that.
Go to Proverbs 15, Proverbs chapter 15, Proverbs chapter 15.
Now there's no doubt that David has the wrong response.
I mean, if somebody is rude to you, and then you decide you're going to kill them, that's
the wrong response, okay?
If you're at the drive-through at McDonald's and somebody is rude to you, it's like, don't
just pull out a knife and go after them, okay?
David has the wrong response, but just the reality is that when people are rude to you,
it can make you lose your temper, right?
I mean, as much as I would like to say I can always control my temper, that's not always
the case.
If people are rude to me and act like this to me, the response can sometimes be anger
back at them because of how they acted toward me.
Proverbs 15 verse 1, the Bible says, a soft answer turneth away wrath.
A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Isn't that what we see with the story of David?
David is full of anger.
David is full of wrath.
David wants to kill all of them, and then Abigail is polite.
Abigail is kind.
Abigail is nice.
And what takes place?
It turned away the wrath where David is no longer mad.
But the Bible says, but grievous words stir up anger.
Isn't that what we see with Nabal?
Nabal is rude.
What's the result?
David gets very mad.
Look, if you want to have a lot of enemies in this life, be an obnoxious jerk and you'll
have them.
If you're rude to people, if you have a bad attitude, if you are not kind, you will have
a lot of enemies.
People are not going to like you.
But if you're the sort of person that is just kind and respectful and polite and nice, people
are going to want to be around you.
Verse 2, that some of the wise useth knowledge aright, but the mouth of fools pourth out
foolishness.
You see, you can have knowledge about something, but that does not necessarily mean it needs
to be said.
Right?
I mean, just imagine that, you know, you're at home and your wife accidentally knocks
over a glass of milk on the ground and then you say, you knocked over that milk.
What's the point?
Yeah, you have knowledge about what took place, but does that help fix the situation?
And it's like, we have to realize that even giving opinions as well, you know, sometimes
in life our opinions do not matter.
Your goal should not be to get everybody in the world on your side about an issue.
Sometimes it's like, you know what, it just doesn't involve me, I'm just going to keep
my mouth shut because it doesn't have anything to do with me.
It's not that you don't have an opinion, it's just you use knowledge in the right way.
That's wisdom.
You know, one of the things that you see is when people first start listening to sermons,
they get very excited, they get very zealous, and then they get on Facebook and they just
like go to war with like every single person.
And it's like, whoa, man, calm down.
It's like, you know, I get it, it's like I agree with what you're saying, but it's like,
is there really any benefit of going on Facebook and social media and just saying, hey, this
is what I think about this religion and this religion and this religion.
It's like, okay, good luck because you're going to get fired from your job, you're going
to have all your families going to hate you.
It's like there is a much wiser way to approach those topics than just being a jerk about
it.
Go in your Bible to first Peter three, first Peter three.
And so when I'm saying words of etiquette, I'm not just saying the words you say, also
your nonverbal communication, your tone of voice, because you could say the exact same
words with a different tone and it could be something different.
It's like, you know, let's say for example, you're asking your kids to do something.
You say, hey, can you please pick up the room?
That's a nice way to say something, isn't it?
And by the way, as parents, it's, it's a good thing to say, please your kids, even if it's
their job, even if you're telling them what to do, you can be nice about it.
The other way to say it is, hey, pick up that room now.
It's like, well, okay.
I'm just saying that if that's the way that you're always talking to your kids, they're
going to get mad at you.
Right?
I mean, you know, I've had plenty of bosses in my life and you know what?
Some bosses have been very nice.
Other bosses, not so much.
And when you have a nice boss that says, you know, hey, you know, Matthew, it's like, I
need you to get this done by Friday, you know, is that going to be okay?
And it's like, yeah, you know, sure, no problem.
And other bosses, they were just like really rude and they talk down to you and they yell
at you.
It's like, you still do what they said, but you don't want to work for that boss, do you?
And it's like in life, our goal is not to get a bunch of enemies around us.
The Bible says we ought to seek to be at peace with everybody, right?
So, you know, as much as is possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Point one is speaking politely, speaking politely.
So words of etiquette, thank you, please and pose, speaking politely.
So here are some of the terms of just being polite, please or paki, please or paki, thank
you or salamat, sir or ma'am, you know, gino, oh, I mean, I don't normally hear that too
much, but gino, oh, sir or ma'am, you're welcome, excuse me, pardon me.
There's a lot of other things that you could think of.
Now, here's the thing, as I said, if you were to pick up the Bible, you would not see all
of these terms because of the fact cultures are different.
It's like in America, there is no equivalent to the word po.
It does not exist, but it's a word that I use here in the Philippines.
You say, why?
Because it's proper etiquette in the right situations.
And so is that something I'd use in America?
Well, no, because it's just not part of proper etiquette or manners.
It's not part of the culture or custom.
There is no equivalent whatsoever, but here it does have a meaning.
It does have a value, right?
We ought to seek to have the proper etiquette in the culture that we live in.
So some of these terms you're not going to find in the Bible, but what you will find
is God's people having good attitudes, good manners, proper and good etiquette in the
word of God.
Outside of specific words, as I said, your nonverbal communication, your tone of voice,
I mean, all of these are things.
And I'll tell you what, if we don't pay attention to how we act toward people, we can easily
just say things in a rude way and have a bad attitude, and there's really no purpose
to it, right?
In marriage, I mean, marriage has difficulties.
Marriage has fights.
I wish I could say I've never been rude to my wife, but that's not true.
And sometimes it's like you're in a bad mood, and it's like you say something in a rude
way when there's no point.
And what's the result?
I mean, it causes fights.
It causes problems, right?
There's no reason to be rude, okay?
Here's what it says in 1 Peter 3 verse 15, but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts and
be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that
is in you.
And notice this, with meekness and fear.
So as we're teaching people, as we're instructing people, there is a proper way to do it.
I mean, if somebody asks you a question about the Bible and they say, well, when does the
Bible say that the rapture is?
It's like, it says after the tribulation.
He's like, you haven't read the book of Matthew?
It's like, that's rude.
It's like, what's the point of doing that?
You know, you can say things in a polite way, in a kind way, in a meek way, and realize
that, hey, maybe they just don't know.
Maybe they haven't learned.
They just have an honest question.
There's no point or purpose to be rude about it, right?
When we're giving people the gospel, we should strive to not be rude when we give the gospel.
Now what we are saying to people can come across as very harsh and intense, because
we're telling people that if they do not believe on Jesus, they're going to go to hell.
Those are tough words.
But you know, there's also a proper way to say that.
So for example, when you're in the book of Revelation, and you're in Revelation 21, 8,
and you say, yeah, have you ever lied before?
Here's the thing.
You know what you do?
You include yourself in that too.
It's like, have you ever lied?
Have you ever sinned?
Right?
And it's like, you know, all of us we do wrong, all of us sin.
There is a proper way to do it.
You say, why?
Because you're not trying to make them mad where they don't want to listen.
But if you're rude to them, they're not going to want to.
There's a guy that got kicked out of the church in Sacramento a long time ago, and this guy,
when he would go soul winning, he would ask them, what religion are you from?
And if they said Catholic, he said, oh, that's the religion that's responsible for killing
50 million people during the Dark Ages, right?
And it's just like, you know, when you went soul winning, this guy's like, what's your
problem?
It's like, what is your point of doing that?
Does that help the person get saved?
No, it doesn't.
You know what it does?
It makes the person angry.
And the guy was a bozo.
I mean, he left the church.
He said he didn't believe in hell anymore, so he had a lot more problems than just being
a rude person.
It's just like, what's the point of doing that?
When we go soul winning, we ought to strive to be nice.
Now sometimes people that we talk to might be rude to us.
Does that mean we'd be rude back to them?
No.
You know, the Bible says this, when you come into a house, salute it.
As we went through Matthew 10, when you're going soul winning, you're very respectful
to the people that you talk to.
And there are going to be times they get mad at you.
There are going to be times that they get upset or they're not interested.
And yet what you say is, well, you know, if you ever want to come to church, we'd love
to have you stop by, right?
You act nice in there, in your response to them, turning your Bible to second Timothy
chapter two, second Timothy chapter two, second Timothy chapter two.
And notice what the Bible says in verse number 24.
Second Timothy chapter two, verse 24.
And the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach patience.
And when he's saying that you must not strive, he's saying you must not fight, but you ought
to be gentle unto all men.
And that is part of the aptitude to teach, being apt to teach.
When you preach sermons, you say a lot of things that can hurt people's feelings.
You say a lot of things where people might be guilty of things.
But there's a proper way to say things.
There's a proper way to handle yourself.
And trust me, it's not easy when you preach sermons to say things in the right way and
with the right attitude and in the right spirit.
But what God says is you should strive to do it in a neat way, strive to do it in a
gentle way, in meekness, instructing those that oppose themselves, if God peradventure
will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.
One thing you need to realize is this.
You maybe have been at this church for years and you're used to the preaching here.
You know, if somebody's new at a church and I preach a sermon on Genesis 19, it is going
to be a shock to their system.
My goal is not really to shock people as much as possible.
You say why?
Because there's new people that, you know what, they're going to be shocked just no
matter what I say about Genesis 19, right?
When you say vice ponging, people are like, whoa, whoa, right?
It's like in our culture today, it's tough for people.
They're not used to it.
There is a proper way to say things.
There's a proper way to come across when you speak to people.
Go to Ruth chapter two, Ruth two, Ruth two.
Sometimes I hear stories about people's old churches and sometimes it shocks me just,
you know, the way things were done at the church.
Like one of our members in Palm Pong, he was saying at his old church, the pastor would
always call people out by name.
It's like during the service, he'd be talking about something.
It's like, you know, rock music and it's like, well, you over there.
It's like, I know you are listening to rock music.
It's like, what is the point of doing that?
Right?
It's just being rude.
I mean, it's called not having manners.
It's like there's a way to approach things without being rude and insulting to people.
One great example we have in the Bible is the character Boaz in Ruth chapter two, Ruth
chapter two, verse three, Ruth two, verse three.
And she went and came and gleaned in the field after the rapers, and her half was the
light in the part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.
Now, if you're familiar with the story here in the book of Ruth, Boaz is a big shot.
Boaz is rich.
Boaz has a lot of money.
He has a big reputation.
He has a lot of servants.
He is incredibly successful.
What is very common in this world if somebody has a lot of success and a lot of money?
They are obnoxiously rude.
They think they're better than everybody else.
Isn't that true?
I mean, celebrities think they're better than us, right?
Rich people think they're better than us in general.
Boaz was not like that, though.
He's a very rich man that had a very good attitude and a very good etiquette.
Notice what it says here in verse number four.
And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem and said unto the rapers, The Lord be with you.
And they answered him, The Lord bless thee.
So Boaz basically shows up to work, and you know what he does?
He greets the servants in the name of the Lord.
He's like, The Lord be with you.
I mean, imagine if you worked at a company and your boss, when he came in, he came around
and you say, Hey, you know, God bless you today, brother.
You know, how's your family doing?
How's your wife doing?
I know she got sick last week.
Is she doing better now?
You know what?
The result would be that the people that work for that person would work a lot harder.
Wouldn't you, if you had a boss that was very kind to you and very nice, you would want
to do a good job because you liked your boss and you want to please your boss.
Okay.
Now, obviously, the boss can do whatever he wants because he runs the show.
He makes the rules.
But if you do things in a kind way, I mean, the expression, you catch more bees with honey.
If you are nice, it's going to have a much better response than if you're rude.
Okay.
Judges chapter eight, judges chapter eight.
These are things that we had to teach our kids at a young age.
It's like, you know, when my kids ask for something and I give it to them, sometimes,
you know, they don't say the words, thank you yet.
And I just kind of hold onto it.
And it's like, then they're like, okay, thank you.
Right.
Or they forgot.
It's like, because I want them to realize that if somebody gives you something, you
say thank you.
If somebody does something for you, you say thank you.
Even if it's their job.
Look, as husbands, you know, if your wife cooks a nice meal, you can say thank you.
Well, it's her job, so I don't need to say thank you.
Good luck to you.
It's like, just say thank you.
Or as a wife, if your husband is working hard to provide for the bills and he comes home,
it's like, hey, thank you so much for working and providing for a family.
It's like, even if it's his job, even if it's her job, you can still say thank you.
When bosses say thank you to employees that do something, the result is you want to do
a good job for that boss.
But if you are obnoxiously rude, it's kind of like the situation with Nabal.
You're like, okay, I'm going to quit this job at the first opportunity that I get.
You say, why?
Because your boss is rude.
Judges 8, verse 1.
And the men of Ephraim said unto him, Why hast thou served us thus, that thou callest
us not, when thou wentest to fight with the Midianites?
And they did chide with him sharply.
And he said unto them, What have I now done in comparison of you?
Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abazar?
God hath delivered in your hands the princes of Midian, Ora, Benzeb, and what was I able
to do in comparison of you?
Then their anger was abated, meaning it went away toward him when he had said that.
Now, the men of Ephraim, when you're reading in Judges, they have a bad attitude all the
time.
And they come to Gideon with a bad attitude, and they want to go to war.
They want to fight.
It's like, how dare you not invite us and get us involved?
And Gideon said, whoa, it's like, what you did was better than what I did, what I accomplished.
I mean, what we did was nothing in comparison of you.
And what's the result when he has a kind attitude and a kind response?
Their anger goes away.
So what if Gideon had said, you know what?
It's like, I wasn't going to call you because you weren't going to get the job done right.
They would have gone to war.
They literally would have fought each other over it.
Now, go to Judges 12.
Let's see something very similar, but a very different response.
Judges chapter 12.
And look, as I preach these things, I mean, these things are a reminder to myself as well
about making sure to say thank you when people do things and make sure to thank my wife,
my kids when they do something.
If I ask my kids to clean up their room and they pick it up, it's like, say thank you,
right, because they did that.
And it's like if you're a husband and you're seeing your wife taking care of the kids and
she's stressed and she's tired, it does not take much energy and effort to say thank you
very much, right?
That is going to go a long way, a long way to helping out your marriage if you would
actually have that sort of attitude.
It's going to help you in your life if you can learn to say these words, thank you.
Say these words, please.
You know, if you're a husband, you might ask your wife to do something.
Let's say, for example, you want dinner cooked, you're hungry.
There's a difference between saying, honey, can you please fix dinner versus fix dinner
now.
I'm hungry.
Now, you're basically saying the same thing, but aren't these very different ways to say
it?
It's like, yeah, be careful.
She might spit in your food if that's the way that you talk to her.
Fix dinner now.
I mean, it's like, you know, she might add a little rat poison or something, right?
It's like there's no point in being rude.
Why not just say it in a nice way regardless of how hungry you are, okay?
Gideon gives us a great example, but Jeff, on the other hand, does not give us an example.
So point number one is to say things in a polite way.
Point number two is to stay away from the profane or rude statements.
Judges chapter 12, verse one, and the men of Ephraim gathered themselves together and
went northward and said unto Jephthah, wherefore passest thou over to fight against the children
of Ammon, and didst not call us to go with thee?
We will burn thine house upon thee with fire.
So the men of Ephraim, once again, they're just having a bad attitude.
And look, the men of Ephraim, there's a real problem with these people because they want
to go to war with Gideon.
Now they want to go to war with Jephthah.
They said, we're going to burn down your house.
And Jephthah said unto them, I and my people were at great strife for the children of Ammon,
and when I called you, ye delivered me not out of their hands.
When I saw that ye delivered me not, I put my life in my hands and passed over against
the children of Ammon, and the Lord delivered them into my hand.
Wherefore then are you come up unto me this day to fight against me?
Then Jephthah gathered together all the men of Gilead and fought with Ephraim, and the
men of Gilead smote Ephraim, because they said, Ye Gileadites are fugitives of Ephraim
among the Ephraimites and among the Manassehites.
Jephthah, on the other hand, has a very similar situation, but his response is to be rude
back to them.
What's the result?
They go to war with one another.
They fight one another.
Now, if you're young and zealous, then maybe you might think this is cool, like yeah, man,
he's hardcore.
He went to war.
Actually, that's bad because the Bible says as much as possible, live peaceably with people.
Your goal should not be to try to get in fights like, man, I was at the 7-11 earlier,
and man, I told this Catholic he was going to hell, and then he threw something at me.
It's like, that's not a reason to brag.
That just makes you look bad.
That's not something to be happy about.
That's not something to glory in.
I mean, the Bible says the glory to Passover transgressions, to have a good attitude.
But Jephthah has a bad attitude back to them, and what's the response?
They go to war.
There's nothing new under the sun, and you know what this teaches me?
That there have been plenty of wars that have taken place in this world because of the fact
two leaders sat down and were rude to one another, and what took place?
They went to war just because they were rude.
Because there's nothing new under the sun.
Imagine, millions of civilians get killed just because the president of a country is
rude.
It's like, what's the point?
Why can't you just be nice?
Why can't you just be kind?
Why can't you just be humble and polite, and as the Bible says, be meek when you're instructing
people.
Go in your Bible to Ephesians chapter four, Ephesians four, Ephesians four.
Now, I don't want to turn there for sake of time, but a story I often turn to is the story
of David and his wife, Michael, where basically she's rude to him, and then he's rude back
to her, and that's pretty much the end of their marriage.
Why?
Because they were just very rude to one another, and it shows you that it's easy to say sticks
and stones will break my bones and words will never hurt me, but the reality is that words
hurt people, and if you say something that's rude to someone, if you have a bad attitude
towards someone, it can really hurt them.
They might not say anything, but what can take place is they develop bitterness inside
of them where they get very mad at you as a result of what you said, but what you could
do is just have a soft answer and pacify anger, as the Bible says.
Calm down anger, or you can choose to live your life constantly at war with every single
person you know because you just cannot control your attitude.
Ephesians chapter four, verse 29, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but
that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace onto the hearers.
Now, the Bible says not to have any corrupt communication.
There are a lot of applications you could make about this, but I want you to notice
in this verse that the basic contrast is the words you say should be edifying.
So when you say something, you have to stop and ask yourself, is this helpful?
Is this edifying?
Is this nice?
Is this kind?
Is this polite?
Because if it's not, if it's rude, it's not helpful, it's not necessary, why say it?
There's no point.
You know, I would say that oftentimes all of us are guilty of this, that we just kind
of speak without thinking, and we say a lot of rude things, and you know what?
It's like, you know, a sermon like this is very basic, and I know it's not the sermon
that gets a million views on YouTube or whatever, but this is the sort of sermon that we need
in our lives.
You say, why?
Because I want to make sure I have a good attitude, and I want to raise kids that also
have a good attitude, and I want everybody in this church to learn these basic principles,
and these are just basic old-fashioned values that everybody would have agreed with 100
years ago, but in today's world, just saying thank you, it's like I see it all the time
where people will not say thank you when something's given to them, and I'm just thinking, man,
it's like just say thank you.
Just say please.
Just say things in a nice way, and yet people do not do it in 2024.
Go to Hebrews chapter 12, Hebrews 12, Hebrews 12.
Now I said point number one is say things in a polite way.
Number two, I said stay away from profane, but I do want to show you that the word profane
has a bit of a different connotation in the Bible versus in today's world, because in
the Bible, the word profane is a very, very strong term.
Here's what it says in Hebrews 12 verse 16, lest there be any fornicator or profane person
as Esau who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
Now drop over to 1 Timothy chapter 1, so in Hebrews 12 it says Esau was a profane person.
Go to 1 Timothy chapter 1, 1 Timothy chapter 1, and I'll show you one other mention of
the word profane, and it says in 1 Timothy 1 verse 8, but we know that the law is good
if a man use it lawfully, knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but
for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for
murders of fathers and murders of mothers, for manslayer.
So here in 1 Timothy, the word profane is used with criminals and those that are committing
big sins and breaking the law.
Now obviously I hope you're not doing that in your life, but even in the words that we
say and our attitude, we need to make sure that what we do is say things under control
in a nice and a polite way.
Go on your Bible to Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5.
I've said this before, and I mean this, raising my kids, you know, I'm more concerned that
they just have good attitudes than they know all the doctrines of the Bible.
I mean, I think that it's important that the kids growing up in this church, they know their Bibles,
they know their doctrines, they know what they believe, why they believe them, and how to prove
them.
You know what, more important to me as a father is just that my kids are just good kids that
have a good attitude, they're kind, they're polite.
Some other things you could think of that maybe kids don't know at a young age, it's
like if two adults are talking to one another, it's rude for kids to just interrupt the conversation.
But kids do not know this because kids naturally think that whatever it is that they want is
like the most important thing in the world, even if it's not that big of a deal.
I mean, these basic things of etiquette are what we need to teach our kids at a young
age so they will grow up and not just have a lot of knowledge of the Bible but also just
have a lot of grace and have good attitudes as well.
Now I do want to mention one last thing here as we're in Ephesians 5, and I want to explain
that when I was talking about using polite terms like thank you, please, po, excuse me,
or the equivalent in Tagalog, these are not necessarily all terms that you see throughout
the Bible all the time.
Some of these things you might see, some of them you don't.
A lot of proper etiquette is just not really found in the Bible because it's a different
culture that has different manners and structure and etiquette in that culture.
So for example, in some cultures, if somebody gives you food and you don't finish all of
it, it's considered a massive insult.
It's considered extremely rude.
It's not really like that in the US.
If somebody gives you food and you eat half of it, it's no big deal.
In some cultures, you don't finish it, they're going to be extremely mad at you because they
think it's very disrespectful.
And so whatever culture you live in, you've got to follow the proper etiquette of that
culture.
Doesn't that make sense?
So for example, whatever the etiquette is here, you try to follow it, right?
I mean, Paul gives the advice, he became all things to all people that he might by all
means save some.
You adopt the culture's customs, you have to try to have the proper etiquette, proper
manners.
You do the things and do the things that are proper.
Well, the contrary is also true.
If something is considered inappropriate in a culture, you've got to stay away from it,
right?
So if you should say the things that are proper etiquette because it's part of the etiquette
and proper manners in the culture, the opposite is also true that if something is considered
the wrong etiquette or wrong manners in a culture, you should stay away from that because
it would be considered rude.
Doesn't that make sense?
So do what's considered appropriate and correct and avoid what's considered profane and bad
and wrong, okay?
Now, I showed you the word profane in the Bible because in the Bible, the word profane
is a very strong word and in our modern day, we think of profanity, right?
We think of curse words and I'm against curse words, I've always preached that, I've always
believed that.
I want to give you a biblical reason for this, but that's my common sense explanation right
there, the fact that it's wrong etiquette.
I mean, it's considered rude, people are going to look down at you, I mean, I was taught
growing up that when you curse, it means you have a dirty mouth, it means you're not intelligent.
That's what I was taught.
That's just proper etiquette that you learn at a young age, right?
I personally, I don't really know Filipino curse words.
I'm not interested in learning them.
There are a few that I just happen to know because I've just heard them plenty of times
just from various people saying this.
For example, in Pampanga one time, there was this, I'm not going to say what was said,
but we were getting ready to go soul winning on the gypsy and then it was like at nighttime
and this woman was drunk and this guy was saying a specific word to her and then she
was like punching him and fighting him and then there was like all kinds of people getting
involved and so yeah, that word I've learned because I've just heard it plenty of times.
It's like, it's wrong etiquette.
It's improper.
You do not say what is proper etiquette.
You do not say what is improper etiquette.
That would just be common sense, but notice what it says here in Ephesians five verse
three, but fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not be once named
among you as become a saints.
Drop down to verse number five.
For this he know that no warmonger nor unclean person nor covetous man who is an idolater
have any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Now I remember several years ago, I memorized the book of Ephesians and then I noticed this
connection in chapter five that verses three and verses five are parallel.
That is kind of strange because one verse is in between verses three and verses five.
You say, well, how do you say that they're parallel?
Well, look at verse three, but fornication, what is the first thing mentioned in verse
five?
Whoremonger.
Aren't fornication and whoremonger very similar?
They both deal with sexual sin, right?
What's the second thing in verse three uncleanness.
What's the second thing in verse five nor unclean person uncleanness unclean person
synonyms.
Verse three.
What's the third thing?
Covetousness verse five.
What's the third thing nor covetous man synonyms.
I mean, it's very obvious that these two verses are parallel.
We're talking about the same things and yet a verse goes by in between.
So to get clarity on verse three and verse five, we need to look at the verse in between.
What is God trying to teach us?
Verse number four, neither filthiness nor foolish talking nor jesting, which are not
convenient but rather giving of thanks.
Now look, three of the four things that are mentioned in verse four are about what you
say.
Foolish talking.
Foolish talking is inappropriate joking.
And then it says but rather giving of thanks, that would be basically saying thank you,
being kind, giving the thank you please and pose we talked about in point number one.
And so the Bible is saying foolish talking, jesting, filthiness, do not talk about that
but rather giving of thanks.
Now as I said, I don't know the Filipino curse words but in the most common American curse
words, the biggest curse word lines up with sexual sin.
That's what it literally means.
And the second biggest curse word lines up with uncleanness.
And the Bible says even with your tongue, don't let it come out of your mouth.
Right?
I mean sometimes kids at a young age, they will joke about something and it's like hey
kids, that's inappropriate.
You don't joke about that matter.
It's gross.
They might joke about something that's dirty or unclean.
It's like no, no, no.
Don't joke about that.
It's not appropriate.
Even in the words we say, now obviously the actions themselves would be far worse but
even in the words we say, according to Ephesians 5 verses 3 through 5, it's like no, it should
be the giving of thanks.
It should be things that are edifying to people, not things that are profane or inappropriate
or wrong.
Right?
And so when we're talking about this sermon of basically having good etiquette, make sure
to have the good etiquette and proper etiquette and proper manners in whatever is considered
appropriate to society as long as it's not a sin or wrong.
So there's nothing sinful.
You say, well, the Bible doesn't say the word post so I'm not going to say it either.
That's dumb.
That's stupid because what you do see is characters in the Bible, they have proper etiquette.
Characters in the Bible, they have good attitudes.
Characters in the Bible, they do have good manners and they do fit in their societies
and Boaz has a very good reputation.
Have the proper etiquette.
Say what's appropriate and avoid what is inappropriate.
Now we'll conclude this series in two weeks.
I'll talk about the word or saying I'm sorry, but you know, just to think about this, if
you were to look at people that are like, I've never been to prison.
I don't plan to go into prison unless I guess I preach something where I get arrested.
I would imagine that if you went into prison though, the things that people are saying,
you'd be like, man, I got to shut my ears just with the words they're saying, the content.
It's like we as Christians should stay as far away from that and we should stick to
things like saying thank you, saying po, saying please, and this might seem like a very basic
thing to you, but I'm telling you, if you do not teach your kids this at a young age,
you know what's going to take place?
Hollywood is going to teach them how to talk.
The movies are going to teach them how to talk.
The music is going to teach them how to talk.
Look, I don't want my kids to talk like they do in Hollywood.
I don't want my kids to talk like the celebrities.
I don't want them to act.
I don't want them to have the non-verbal communication or joke about the things.
I mean, isn't it true?
You get saved and start serving God and a lot of jokes that you might've laughed at
several years ago, you're thinking, I can't hear this.
It's wrong.
And maybe you would have laughed at it years ago, but you spirit telling you that, yeah,
you know what?
It's like, we are not to even let these things be named amongst us as saints.
Let's go to the word of prayer.
Your heavenly father, thank you for allowing us to be here today and ask you to help us
to apply this sermon to our lives.
Help all of us that are adults in this room to apply these things and to be kind people,
to be humble people, to be nice people, to say thank you, please, po and the appropriate
etiquette God.
And I also ask you to help us to teach this to our kids as well.
Help the kids that are growing up in this room, not just have a lot of knowledge of
the Bible, not just get saved and have knowledge, but also have good attitude, good manners.
And we pray these things in Jesus name.
Amen.