All right, we're here in Proverbs chapter 18, and the name of this sermon is
How to Find a Godly Spouse. How to Find a Godly Spouse.
Now, when you preach very specific sermons, some people have the wrong idea
that, well, this sermon doesn't apply to me
because I'm already married or because I'm a young child.
But, you know, we believe that all of the Bible we can learn from and grow and be
edified. Look, if you're married and you have
kids, obviously you want the wisdom of who should my son marry, who should my
daughter marry. And honestly, if you've done a good
job raising your kids, they're going to respect you.
You're going to be more likely to listen to what you have to say. And so I'm not
specifically speaking to people that are married, but the sermon still applies to
them. I'm also not specifically speaking to
people that are already, you know, engaged or planning to
get married, because I do know there's a lot of people in this room that are
planning to get married. You already have found that person.
It's just a matter of, you know, you're getting married later on. I'm not really
speaking about that, but I'm mainly addressing people that are
looking for a godly spouse. And so at our church we're blessed to
have a lot of young single men and young single women that love the Lord,
and I believe this sermon can be helpful. Now let me just say this up front that
I went to a wedding one time, one of my good friends, and, you know,
he met his wife in a bar, okay? Now this was before he was saved, and it
was before she was saved, okay? But they ended up dating, they got
married, they became soul winners, they became, you know, people that love the
Lord and stuff like that. So look, I understand that, you know,
your situation, how you got married, you know, if you're married in this room,
maybe it's going to be kind of an exception to the rule.
Obviously people meet in different ways, but obviously I'm not going to say, hey,
you could go to a bar and meet your, you know, future wife or
future husband, you know? It's great that it worked out for my
friend, but at the same time that's not the advice I'm going to give. So
I'm just going to kind of stay inside the Bible, and, you know, honestly, you
know, we can all learn and grow from this, but if you are married, maybe your
situation is not exactly like everything I'm going to say, okay?
I know my wife and I, how we met was we had our friends got married to one
another, and then they basically kind of set us
up. So we don't necessarily fit every single thing I'm going to say,
but we're just giving advice from the Bible, okay? Now I want you to notice here
in Proverbs 18 verse 22, Proverbs 18 verse 22,
and the Bible reads, whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth
favor of the Lord. And the Bible says, whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good
thing. Now in the Bible, you'll sometimes see
that the generic form is used, like the Bible says,
he that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life,
but obviously she that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life, right?
You know, obviously there's times where it speaks about directly towards mankind,
like man is representative of man and woman, but here when it says
whoso findeth a wife, this is not saying, well, if you find a
husband or wife, you know it's saying a guy finding a wife,
okay? It's very specific. Every word matters, and so the first point is quite
simply this, the husband finds the wife.
The husband finds the wife. This is what the Bible teaches. Now
let me just say this, that obviously there's plenty of people that are
married in this room. Like I said, your situation might be
completely different. I understand that. I'm just giving you kind of the Bible
advice, and what it says is a man finds a wife, not a woman finds
a husband. That's what the Bible teaches. Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good
thing. And so my sermon title, I guess, is a
little bit misleading, how to find a godly spouse,
because in reality, the man finds the wife and the woman basically gets found.
That's what the Bible teaches. Now turn in your Bible to Proverbs 6. Proverbs 6.
And so this kind of makes sense, because when you think about the husband being
the head of the home, and the husband basically being the one
who's in charge of that family, and the husband's going to be the one
who's more of the head, it makes sense that he
would go after the wife. Look, when I got married,
before I got married as a guy, I went to my wife's parents, and I asked
her father for a hand in marriage. You say, why did you do that? Because I
believe you should be respectful. I believe that's the right thing to do.
And so I went to my wife's parents, and then I talked to them,
and I asked for her hand in marriage. Why? Because the guy
finds the wife. I didn't expect my wife to come to my parents
and say, can I have your son's hand in marriage? It doesn't work that way, right?
And so the husband finds a wife. That's what the Bible teaches. But what I want
to show you is kind of the difference when you see a woman who's basically
finding a husband or finding a guy, and you're seeing the character of this
woman. Now let me just say, I've said this many times, but
obviously your situation might be an exception, but I'm just showing you
that the type of woman that would be going after a guy
is not the sort of woman you as a guy are going to want to marry.
Okay, notice what it says in Proverbs 6 verse 24.
To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange
woman, lust not after her beauty in thine heart,
neither let her take thee with her eyelids. And the Bible speaks about this
strange woman, and what the Bible's saying is a woman
that you're not married to, this strange woman, and it talks about her
flattery. Basically she says really nice things
because evil is inside of her heart, okay? The Bible tells you, lust not after
her. The Bible says she has beauty, doesn't it?
Lust not after her beauty in thine heart. See, whenever that God has
something, the devil has a counterfeit. You have to understand that this strange
woman that's being talked about, she has a beauty to her. That's the way
the world works. Look, there's joy living for God, but
there's also joy living in sin. The devil has a counterfeit, and the
strange woman, the ungodly woman, she does have a beauty towards her, but
also the godly woman has a beauty. Obviously what God has is far better
than what the devil has to offer, but you have to understand that if
there's a woman out there that's dressed inappropriately, and it
would cause your eyes to lust after her, look, that's not the sort of beauty you
want to go after. That's a fake kind of beauty that's
going to destroy your life, and the Bible speaks about this woman
having a beauty because of the fact she's kind of
an aggressive woman who's a flatterer, she's, you know, a flirter, you can tell.
It says neither let her take thee with her eyelids, and so her non-verbal
communication, even if she doesn't say anything that's
wicked or sinful out loud, her body language is showing what's
actually inside of her heart. Now look, this is what the Bible teaches
in Proverbs 6, and young guys in this room that are not
married, you have to understand you might be too young, you might not have ever
been in this situation, but you could be confronted with this
situation one day, and you need to know what the Bible says,
and you don't want to be a fool and destroy your life.
Notice what it says in verse 26.
For by means of a whorish woman, a man is brought to a piece of bread,
and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
Notice the adulteress hunts for the guy.
This is a woman going after the guy, and it says by means of a whorish woman.
So a woman that would be dressed inappropriately, someone who is
basically just really interested in the physical,
a guy is brought to a piece of bread. Basically, they will be poor.
And so whether this is a woman that's just trying to use you for money,
or whether or not she's just really given to the sins of the flesh,
this is not the sort of woman you want to go after, and she is hunting
for the precious life. Turn to Proverb 7.
Proverb 7.
You say, Brother Stuckey, say, Brother Stuckey, I'm a guy in this room,
I'm a single guy, I want to get married one day,
but I'm going to let the girl come to me and find me.
Look, that's the wrong attitude.
You say, why?
Because the sort of woman that's probably going to come to you
is going to be this kind of woman that has a sort of beauty,
but she's going to destroy your life.
No, the Bible teaches that the guy finds the wife.
Okay, that is what the Bible teaches.
Proverb 7, starting in verse 7.
And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths,
a young man, void of understanding,
passing through the street near her corner,
and he went the way to her house.
In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night,
and behold there met him a woman with attire of an harlot
and subtle of heart.
She is loud and stubborn, her feet abide not in her house.
Now is she without, now in the streets,
and lieth in weight at every corner.
And the Bible speaks about a woman with the attire of an harlot,
a whorish woman, the attire of an harlot.
Those are Bible words.
I'm not saying those words.
Look, the vast majority of women,
the way they dress out in the streets,
they dress like whorish women.
It's common in our society now, they dress like harlots.
You say, as a guy, what sort of girl should I go after?
A girl that's not dressed like a harlot.
Because that shows kind of her character.
And I understand people are brainwashed by the world.
We're all brainwashed.
But let me tell you something, good advice,
find a girl that actually is dressed conservatively.
That would be advice from the Bible.
And the Bible says, she lieth in weight at every corner.
Does this mean this one woman is in weight at every single corner?
No.
What it's saying is this kind of woman is at every single corner.
And I promise you, you can go to the end of the street
this direction or that direction.
And there's women that live near that area,
which are this type of woman.
That is not the sort of woman that you want to marry.
She's going to end up destroying your life.
Notice what it says in verse 13.
So she caught him and kissed him.
And with an impudent face said onto him,
I have peace offerings with me.
This day have I paid my vows.
And so this is a woman going after a guy.
It says she's paid her vows.
I presume that is talking about certain costs to get married,
like vows you have to make before you get married.
I'm not 100% sure.
But here's a woman just going after a guy very aggressively.
Look, if there's some girl that you just met
that just wants to kiss you and everything from day one,
or for girls, a guy that wants to do that,
there's a problem there.
That's not the sort of person that you want to marry.
But I want you to notice verse 15.
Therefore came I forth to meet thee,
diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
Look, every word is in the Bible for a reason.
This is a woman who finds the guy, I have found thee.
But the problem is the guy should be the one finding the wife.
You say why?
Because the sort of woman that you would end up marrying
if the woman's going after the guy
is probably not the sort of woman you want to marry.
Okay, look, you know, people ask this question,
maybe they do in the Philippines, but they do in the US.
They say, you know, what about, you know,
if there was a godly woman who wanted to run for president,
would you vote for her?
And my thought is, if she's a godly woman,
she wouldn't want to run for president.
Because the sort of woman that wants to run for president
is Hillary Clinton.
And it's just like, that's the sort of woman
that's going to want to run for president.
It's not going to be the sort of person I want to vote for.
So it's basically a question that could never happen, okay?
And so you have to understand that, guys,
the sort of girl you want to marry is going to be a woman
with a meek and quiet spirit, okay?
She's not going to be dressed really, you know, inappropriately.
She's going to be someone who has a meek and quiet spirit,
and you are going to have to be the one that goes after her.
So look, guys that are in this room that are single,
you must understand that you're going to be the one
who has to make the effort to find a wife.
It's not going to be the other way around.
And for godly girls in this room, the guy is going to come to you.
That is what the Bible teaches.
Now turn to Genesis 29, Genesis 29.
You say, Brother Stuckey, are there exceptions to this?
Of course there's exceptions.
Look, of course, I mean, I mentioned it right at the bat,
my friend who met his wife in a bar, okay?
That's an exception to good advice, okay?
I understand that you cannot follow this advice,
and you know what, you might end up getting lucky
and it might work out for you.
I'm just showing you directly what the Bible says
and what is the best advice for you as a single guy
or as a single girl to end up finding a spouse.
And what you see is that the guy finds the wife.
That's what it teaches.
Notice what it says in Genesis 29, starting at verse 6.
And he said unto them, Is he well?
And they said, He is well.
And behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep.
And he said, Lo, it is yet high day,
neither is it time that the cattle should be gathered together.
Water ye the sheep and go and feed them.
And they said, We cannot until all the fox be gathered together,
until they roll the stone from the well's mouth,
then we water the sheep.
And so in this story, we basically see there's this big stone
that is blocking the well's mouth, okay?
And this has to be rolled away before they can work.
Verse number 9, And while yet spake with them,
Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she kept them.
And it came to pass when Jacob saw Rachel,
the daughter of Laban his mother's brother,
and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother,
that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well's mouth
and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother.
Now Jacob, you have to understand, was a very hard worker, okay?
This is a guy who had a lot of functional strength.
He was a very strong guy.
You see him working for a month without charge for Laban,
because he says, Are you going to serve me for not?
He's a very hard worker.
He's a very strong guy.
I do want you to notice when Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter,
that is when he rolls away the stone.
You say, Why is it he rolls away the stone when he sees her?
He's trying to impress her.
That's what's taking place.
He sees her.
He finds her attractive.
He's like, You know, I'm a strong guy.
And he rolls away the stone.
You say, What can we learn from that?
What you can learn is guys will do very foolish things if they like a girl.
I'm sure you could ask my wife, and I've done a lot of foolish things
to try to impress her before we're married.
That is what you're going to see.
And everyone who's married in this room is going to say, Amen.
That's true.
It makes sense.
My husband did a lot of dumb things.
That's what you see here.
But he's interested in her, okay?
Verse number 15.
And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother,
shouldest thou therefore serve me for not?
Tell me, What shall thy wages be?
And Laban had two daughters.
The name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
Leah was tender-eyed, but Rachel was beautiful and well favored.
And Jacob loved Rachel and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel,
thy younger daughter.
Okay?
This is the general rule you're going to see that the guy is going after the girl.
He says, I want to marry Rachel.
I'll serve seven years to marry your daughter, Rachel.
Okay?
Look, it would be weird if Rachel came to Jacob's parents and said,
I'll serve seven years to marry your son.
That's not the way it works.
And so Jacob is serving seven years to marry Rachel.
Okay?
Verse 19.
And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee
than that I should give her to another man.
Abide with me.
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seem on to him,
but a few days for the love he had her.
Now notice Jacob loves Rachel so much that he's willing to wait to get married.
Look, you have to understand if a guy really cares about you
and he wants to marry you, he's going to be willing to wait if he really likes you.
That's what we see here.
Jacob serves seven years to marry Rachel.
Now turn to Ephesians 5.
Ephesians 5.
But see what you have to understand, both guys and girls in this room,
that there's a term in the US we call a player.
And here in the Philippines, you call it a playboy.
Basically a guy who would be basically talking to lots of girls.
And he's sort of just seeing how things work out and then just figuring out,
well, if it doesn't work out with her, I got a backup option.
Look, you have to be realistic with this stuff because it exists.
Jacob looks at one woman he wants to marry, and he says,
I'm going to serve seven years because I love this one woman.
Not just, well, you know, I got my choice of a lot of different ones.
I hope it works out.
No, he says, you know what?
I'm going to serve seven years because I love this one woman.
See, the reality of this, there's an expression we say in the US
that you can't see the forest for the trees.
And what that means is if you're inside of a forest,
you can't really perceive what the forest looks like because you're inside.
Basically, when you're involved in a situation,
it's kind of hard to see clearly sometimes.
You get emotional about it.
You don't necessarily think clearly.
Sometimes you got to kind of walk away from the situation and it's very obvious.
But sometimes when you're in this situation, for all of us, including myself,
sometimes you can't really perceive what's going on.
And so I'm just trying to give you really practical advice.
You have to watch out for both these men and women who are not godly people
or who are players or playboys or whatever you want to call them.
You got to watch out for this because this is the reality.
Jacob loves Rachel so much.
He's willing to wait seven years to marry this one woman.
That is the sort of guy you want to marry as girls.
Okay, notice what it says in Ephesians 5, verse 25.
Ephesians 5, verse 25.
The Bible reads in Ephesians 5, verse 25,
husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.
And see, the Bible says as husbands,
we are to love our wives in the same way that Christ loved the church.
Look, you're supposed to lay down your life for your wife every single day.
You're supposed to care about her and care about her needs.
And that is what the Bible says husbands should do for their wives.
What you have to understand on a practical level,
if you are a girl and a guy just doesn't seem that interested,
but you really care about him,
honestly, that's probably not the guy you want to marry.
The reality is he's probably not willing to lay down his life for you.
He probably doesn't love you as much as you think.
Now, it's different if a guy is very busy because honestly, we live busy lives.
And if he's working all day, maybe he doesn't always have time for you.
But if you have a guy that you always want to talk to, you want to hang out,
and he just doesn't seem like he's free ever,
but he really has nothing to do.
That's not the guy you want to marry,
because he's not willing to lay down his life for you and really care for you.
You need to marry a guy who actually is willing to lay down his life for you.
Okay, now turn in your Bible to 1 Timothy 5.
You say, brother Stuckey, why are you preaching this sermon?
Well, I'll be honest with you, you know,
what really made me kind of think of this sermon was,
we're coming up on the 2020 missions trip here in the Philippines.
And, you know, honestly, there's been guys that have emailed our church and said,
are there any single ladies at your church?
And they basically just said, hey, we love your church.
We want to go soul winning.
Then at the end, I know I shouldn't ask this question,
but are there any single ladies at your church?
And so quite honestly, I want to give good advice,
both to the young single guys and girls, because I want you to make wise decisions.
I don't want you to just fall for somebody who might not be the best guy.
And look, you know, I don't think there's anything wrong
with a guy trying to find a godly wife.
But, you know, honestly, we don't know all these people
that are coming for the missions trip.
And just because they come here and come soul winning,
that doesn't mean that they're marriage material.
That doesn't mean that that's the sort of guy that you should marry.
You want to marry a guy who actually was willing to lay down his life for you
and really cares about you.
And just because he comes here, he finds you attractive,
he starts talking to you.
That doesn't necessarily mean that's the sort of guy you should marry.
And you say, well, how do I know who it is I should marry?
Well, we're going to basically look in the second and third points,
advice for men and advice for women.
Okay, so we're going to start at advice for men and advice for men.
Point number two, part A, prepare yourself financially.
Prepare yourself financially.
1 Timothy 5, verse 8, 1 Timothy 5, verse 8.
It says, but if any provide not for his own,
and especially for they of his own house,
he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel.
In 1 Timothy 5, 8, what you're seeing is a specific on the guy.
It says his own, his own house, he hath denied the faith.
We know that the Bible teaches it is the man's responsibility
to provide for the family.
That is what the Bible teaches.
The reality is that it's a lot more difficult here in the Philippines
than in the US.
It's much more difficult, which means you need to prepare at a young age.
Look, when it comes to finding a godly spouse,
first prepare yourself financially.
Look, you know, oftentimes, and I understand this
because I got married when I was 30 years old.
I understand you want to be married and find the right person.
But look, when you're 20 years old,
it's probably more important to develop a career than find a spouse.
That's the reality.
You say, why?
Because look, when you get married,
the biggest thing that's going to stress you out is your finances as a guy.
Everyone who's married in this room is going to agree with that.
Finances are what you pay attention to and you get stressed out about.
And if you're not really ready,
then it's probably better to develop a career first.
Why?
It's going to be easier to develop that before you're married than afterwards.
You should develop it first.
Prepare financially, okay?
Now look, I understand that with a lot of people it's very difficult
and both the husbands and wives are providing.
And I'm not saying anything against that in this sermon.
What I'm trying to do is help you young guys out and realize
the main responsibility is on you at the end of the day.
You must be able to provide for that family.
And so guess what?
At a young age, make that step happen now.
You say, I'm 20 years old.
You know, how do I find a godly wife?
Prepare yourself financially.
Don't even worry about getting married.
Make sure you're actually ready for it.
Look, I'm not someone who's going to preach to you to rush into marriage
because I believe you need to be prepared ahead of time.
Because if you're not prepared, you're getting involved in a battle
that you're not going to be ready for.
Look, there's problems in marriage.
There's fights in marriage.
And it's only going to be increased if you're not ready.
And so number one is to prepare yourself financially.
Look, we have a lot of guys at our church that are younger guys,
guys 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
Look, prepare yourself now in your careers.
That's going to help you out five years from now.
Instead of worrying about rushing into marrying the right person,
develop a career, figure out your stuff financially,
and then worry about getting married.
And so if you have a job and you're making money, save up money.
You say, why?
Because honestly, life gets expensive.
And you'd much rather, instead of going to nice restaurants now,
just save up that money for when you're married and for other things one day.
Now turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5.
Ephesians 5.
Look, before I was married at the job I had in Maryland,
I worked a 40 hour a week job, but I also studied to advance in that company.
I spent like 25 hours a week studying math.
I had a lot of math exams I'd have to take.
They'd be offered like two or three times a year.
So I'd have to study and take those exams and things like that.
And there'd be like a payment to take those exams.
And if I pass those exams, I get a bonus.
I get a raise.
That's how I advanced in my company.
So basically I was working 40 hours and then studying for math 25 hours a week.
Look, when I got married, I kind of got sick of studying math when I got home from work.
I didn't want to just spend all of my time studying these crazy math things
that you never actually use in real life.
Okay, I wanted to actually just spend time with my wife.
Okay, so I'm just trying to help you guys out that are single.
Look, you know what, work really hard now.
It's good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.
You say, why?
Because once you're married and you have kids,
you're not going to want to be basically just working that many hours.
Now, look, we all need to work hard.
And the Bible speaks about working a six day a week job.
You know, you work morning to evening.
You labor.
That's talking about 72 hours, six times 12.
So yeah, you might have to work a lot of hours, but I'm just being honest with you.
You'd rather do the work that you need to when you're 19 years old,
when you're 20 years old than when you're 25 years old
or 30 years old or 35 years old.
Prepare yourself now.
Turn to Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5.
You say, Brother Stuckey, why is it in our church that we don't hire
a bunch of young men for a low salary to work for the church?
Because I believe I'd be destroying your future.
That's the reason why.
Because you need to develop your career now.
And I understand churches do things differently, and that's fine.
But the reality is that if you don't develop a career when you're 20 years old,
no one's going to want to hire you to do that when you're 30 years old.
They want to hire you when you're 20 years old.
And so it's better to bear the yoke in your youth now.
And that can help you develop a career because it's going to be harder
with each and every single passing year.
And look, I know when I was very young and zealous when I was in my young 20s,
I would have been willing to basically work for minimum wage
to basically just serve God and serve church.
But the reality is that's going to make it very hard on life.
And so that's why our stance here is basically that if people are hired,
they need a livable wage.
And we're not going to hire a bunch of people for a very low salary.
It would help our soul winning numbers.
But I want to help prepare you guys for life.
And preparing for marriage is one of the big aspects of life.
And you need to prepare yourself financially at a young age.
It is much easier when you're young than as you get older
with each and every passing year.
In Ephesians 5, verse 24, verse 23.
Ephesians 5, verse 23.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body.
Therefore, as a church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
And the Bible says here in Ephesians that the husband is the head of the wife.
So number one, you must prepare yourself financially, men.
But number two is prepare yourself spiritually.
You said, Brother Stuckey, I thought the sermon was how to find a spouse.
And you're just telling me to basically,
you know, prepare yourself financially and spiritually.
Yeah, because that's part of marriage.
Look, you have to understand that when you get married,
you are marrying into the stresses of life together.
Before you're married, those stresses are not really there.
When you get married, the stresses of life are going to come.
You say it's going to all be easier once I get married.
No, it's going to be harder once you get married.
Look, marriage is a beautiful thing.
It's a wonderful thing.
It's great to have a family.
By all means, you find a godly person, get married.
I'm just trying to tell you the truth, though,
that when you get married, it's going to be harder.
It's not going to be easier.
That's the reality of the matter.
Ephesians 5, what it said is the husband is the head of the wife.
So men, you need to prepare yourself spiritually to be the head of that family.
Look, that's not an easy thing to do.
One of the big requirements of being a pastor is that you can rule your own house well.
And look, the reason why it's a tough requirement is because it's not easy.
And being the head of your home, it's going to take work.
It's going to take sacrifice.
It's what we must do as men, though.
And you guys that are single and not married,
say, how do I prepare spiritually?
Read the Bible every single day.
Know the Bible as much as you can.
Prepare for that day.
Look, I understand that sometimes your wife might ask you something in the Bible.
You might not know the answer.
But if every single time she asks you a basic question,
you have to come and ask me and give the answer to her.
There's a problem there.
You need to be reading the Bible every day.
You need to be living godly.
You need to be praying.
You need to be memorizing the Bible.
And look, you know, if you don't do that, honestly,
you're probably not really prepared to get married.
The truth is, you need to prepare financially and spiritually for that day.
Turn in your Bible to Proverbs 31.
Proverbs 31.
I mean, so many people are worried about finding the godly spouse.
But what you should really ask is, am I ready to be married?
And the honest answer is that many people at church,
and I'm not specifically saying this church,
I'm just saying church in general, many people want to get married.
But honestly, a lot of those should just be worrying about preparing
financially and spiritually because they're not ready to get married.
The truth is that it's not the easiest thing to make it life.
No, I'm not saying you have to already have a house bought in cash
and you have a car and you have a lot.
I'm just saying you need to basically set yourself up on the right road.
You have a future.
You have a job.
You know what you're doing.
This is an important part of marriage,
because when you get married, the stresses of life are there.
And so let's speak about what kind of woman should you look for?
And so, yes, Proverbs 31 highlights the woman.
But if you're looking for a spouse, you're going to want a woman
that's going to fit the characteristics of Proverbs 31.
Now, let me say that Proverbs 31 is basically speaking about the perfect woman.
Okay, so look, don't expect the person you're going to marry
to have every single, man, she does this, she maketh clothes with wool.
You know what I mean?
Look, there might be some things she's not perfect at.
You know, there's plenty of people, like plenty of wives in this room.
None of them are perfect.
They all have things they're good at and bad at.
But, you know, if you're looking for someone to marry,
you don't want to marry someone that doesn't fit any of these things.
And so let me give you just a few basic things.
In Proverbs 31 verse 2, the Bible reads,
Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies?
And so you're looking for a woman that is virtuous,
and we're going to see the rest of the chapter tells us what this virtuous woman is.
And number one is a woman that is smart with money.
A woman that is smart with money.
This is actually the first thing mentioned in verse 11,
because it says the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Okay, in the Bible, when an enemy would take over another enemy,
they would take the spoil of their enemies.
This is a reference to finances, okay?
And so the way that he can trust in her is basically she's not going to make them broke.
He can safely trust in her,
realizing she's not just going to have this huge bill on the credit card,
and all of a sudden we're in debt for a hundred thousand pesos or whatever,
you know, overnight.
No, this is someone he can actually trust with finances.
She will do them good and not evil all the days of her life.
And you have to understand, men, you need to prepare yourself financially,
but finances are a large part of marriage.
It's going to affect a lot of the decisions you make.
And so even if you have the best job in the world,
if you marry someone who's going to spend all of your money,
it doesn't do you much good.
And so basically you want to marry someone
that is actually going to help you and not hurt you with your finances.
So guys, yes, prepare yourself financially,
but when you're looking for a woman to marry,
you want to marry someone who's actually smart and practical with money.
And look, if you don't have the money, you just don't spend the money.
That's the way it works.
Now look at verse number 15, verse 15.
And in Proverbs 31 verse 15, the Bible reads,
She riseth also while it is yet night,
and giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens.
And so when it says riseth at night,
this is someone who's rising up before 6 a.m. in the morning.
Okay, so general time frame 6 a.m. is when the sun comes in general.
And basically before 6 a.m. she's rising up and waking up
to make the food for that family.
Now look on a practical sense, this applies to money as well
because you could just go out to eat every day,
but that's going to be very expensive.
Here's a woman who wakes up before 6 in the morning
to provide meat to her household and a portion to her maidens.
This is a woman that is a hard worker.
And look, I know that when you're getting married,
you don't think about finances,
whether or not the person you're marrying is a hard worker.
But honestly, those are the practical things
when you are married that actually matter.
You say, well, you know, they have a nice smile.
Look, that smile is going to fade, okay?
It's going to fade if they're not helpful in these areas.
These things are more important, okay?
By all means, marry someone you're attracted to.
But by all means, do not make that the main
or the only reason why you marry somebody.
They actually better fit these things of being a hard worker.
You want to marry a woman that is a hard worker, okay?
Now notice what it says in verse 26.
Verse 26, she openeth her mouth with wisdom
and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
So the Bible speaks about a kind woman who is full of wisdom.
And look, if you're interested in some woman,
you think maybe this could be someone I could marry,
but they basically have nothing nice to say out of their mouth,
and they have no wisdom,
that's probably not the person you want to marry.
You want to marry someone who's actually kind
and full of wisdom, the Bible says.
Now let me say this on a practical standpoint,
if a woman gets saved tomorrow and starts coming to our church,
we don't expect her to know everything about the Bible from day one.
But here's the thing,
is she willing to follow what the Bible says when she hears it?
That's the question.
See, the idea is that the husband finds the wife,
it is okay for the guy to marry a woman if she's not at this level.
You say, why?
Because of the fact the husband's the head of the home.
It's different for ladies though.
Ladies, if you get somebody saved out soul winning
and they start coming to the church,
you better give them some time to make sure that they're growing
and they know their Bible and they're reading it.
Why?
Because you aren't the one running that home.
And if you're teaching your husband,
hey, this is why we believe in the post-trib rapture,
this is why we believe this,
there's a problem there.
And so look, if a new guy gets saved,
hey, make sure he has a chance to grow and he's willing to grow.
And look, this advice really comes to both men and women though,
that if somebody new comes to church,
make sure they're actually dedicated to the Lord.
Look, somebody could come to our church
and just kind of come soul winning, but they're not really into it.
They're just doing it for alternative reasons or whatever.
They're trying to find a spouse.
This exists in church.
Guys go to churches to try to find a spouse.
Girls go to churches to try to find a spouse.
Make sure they actually do love God.
And look, that's probably going to take more than just like,
oh, they came to the Sunday services.
They must love God.
No, actually make sure they do love God.
And so you have to actually see them and give it some time to see,
is this someone who actually loves God?
Look, if it's some new girl that you meet that comes to church from soul winning,
hey, if she comes and she's making changes in her life,
it's showing she's heading the right direction.
But with girls, I would not suggest that you're going to marry someone
who's a brand new Christian if you know a lot about the Bible
and you've been saved for a long time,
because you would be the one running that home.
It works a little bit differently.
But for guys, you must make sure that girl's heading in the right direction.
We don't expect her to go from here to here overnight.
But if she sees something in the Bible and she just doesn't want to follow it,
she just doesn't agree.
I don't care what you say, I still love Ice Gonda.
Look, she might be coming to church,
but she's not going to be the sort of person you want to marry.
Okay, now notice what it says in verse 30.
Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain,
but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
And so the Bible speaks about a woman that fears the Lord.
Look, the world has a beauty to offer.
But if that's your sole reason for marrying someone
because you find them attractive,
look, there's over seven billion people in this world.
You find only one person attractive in the entire world.
It's like, you better hope they find you attractive.
It's like one person in the entire world.
It's like, yeah, you know, that's part of the picture.
You find them attractive.
Make sure they meet the other things though.
Okay, now turn back to Ephesians five.
Ephesians five.
So for guys, this is a little bit easier
because I don't think it's wrong to necessarily marry someone
who's kind of newer in the faith
as long as they're heading the right direction.
So you can meet a girl at church
or ladies visit our church from time to time
or out soul winning somebody new comes to church,
you get her saved, she starts coming.
But you know, you still want to give it time
to make sure she's actually going to be a good wife
because I have seen people that jump into church
and after a couple months, they just decide,
it's just too much and they just leave church.
Why?
Because this kind of church,
they're either going to have to get in or get out.
That's just kind of the way it works.
They're either going to go all in for God or they're not.
Now there are unsaved people that if they got saved
and heard this kind of preaching,
they would decide to dedicate their lives to God.
But you want to give it some time to make sure,
are they one of those people or not?
That doesn't happen overnight.
Okay, that does take a little bit of time.
Now you say, what about advice for women?
How do I know what sort of guy to marry?
Well, notice what it says in Ephesians 5 verse 22.
Ephesians 5 verse 22, it says,
wives, submit yourselves onto your own husbands
as onto the Lord.
The Bible says in verse number 22,
that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands.
This is the most hateful verse in the Bible.
You know, people hate this verse,
but the Bible teaches wives submit to their husbands
and what that means is basically
if the husband wants you to do something
and you don't want to,
that you submit to him and do it anyway.
That's what submission is.
When you don't want to do it, you do it.
You say, Brother Stuckey, you know,
I come to church every week,
so I'm submitting to my husband.
Well, do you want to come to church?
Well, yeah, you're not submitting to your husband
because you would have come to church anyway.
It's when he tells you, hey, we're going to this church
and then basically you come even if you don't want to,
that would be submitted, okay?
So basically if your husband says something
and you don't agree with it and you do it anyway,
then that is submission, okay?
You say, what is your point?
My point is marry a guy that you're willing
to respect and follow.
Marry a guy that you're willing to respect and follow.
Look, if before you're married,
every decision he makes you think
is the most bobo decision in the world,
that's not the guy to marry.
You say, why?
Because it's your job when you get married to submit.
Make sure he's a guy you actually respect
and you're willing to follow.
And if you're not willing to do it before you're married,
you think that's going to change afterwards?
I mean, he's probably just going to make more bad decisions
because when the stresses of life come,
a lot of bad decisions, a lot of choices are made.
Make sure it's a guy that you respect and say,
hey, that is a guy I trust to lead our home.
That's a big decision you're making.
Is this the sort of guy that you can actually trust
with big decisions in life or is it not?
Now turn in your Bible to Ruth 1, Ruth 1.
Now forsaking my voice, I'm going to shorten this sermon
because I'm really kind of losing it.
But let me just give you a few examples
of what I'm talking about,
being willing to follow your husband
and big choices in life.
But the reality is that our church
is kind of a unique type of church.
And I know that there's ladies in our church
that when they first started coming to this church,
their husbands brought them
and they didn't necessarily want to come.
But they trusted the guys they married
to make those big decisions.
And look, it's a good thing they married
the right kind of guy because the guy said,
you know what, you're going to come to this church.
And then their heart changes over time
because they hear the preaching and they say,
you know, man, I love God.
This is the sort of church I want to be in.
You have to understand there are big choices
to be made in life.
Look, when I moved our family to Sacramento back in the US,
my wife's family lives in Washington, D.C.,
near basically where I worked, a few hours away.
Do you think my wife's first reaction was
why I want to move 30 hours across the country
away from my parents?
Of course not.
But when you get married, you marry
and the guy is the one who makes the choices.
And I determined that within six months
I want to go to a like-minded church.
And so I counted the cost and I made that move.
Look, those sorts of decisions exist in life
when you get married.
And if you're going to marry a guy, but you say,
man, he always makes bad decisions.
Look, you're going to destroy your life.
And I understand, you know, you find people attractive.
And like I said, you can't see for the forest,
for the trees sometimes.
That's why you need to really look
from a practical standpoint and make
kind of a checklist in your mind.
These are the things I'm looking for.
And if they're not meeting that,
it doesn't matter how strongly you feel about them.
That's not the guy you want to marry.
Okay, now Ruth chapter one.
Ruth chapter one.
And at Ruth chapter one, another bit of advice for women
is to also prepare financially.
You say, why does the wife need to prepare financially?
Because when you get married, husband and wife become one.
You share in the stresses of life.
You say, but it's the husband's job to provide.
Well, you're just going to make your husband
just always be stressed out when they're actually married.
You have to understand you are becoming one flesh.
You forsake father and mother.
You cleave onto your spouse and look,
the more you're prepared financially,
the better marriage you're going to have as well.
Now, yes, I do believe at the end of the day,
the husband's job is to provide for the family,
but wives prepare yourself financially as well.
And so if you're able to save up money, save up money,
it's going to help your marriage out.
I'm not telling you to go out and just have a goal.
I want to become the next president.
I want to become the Hillary Clinton of the Philippines.
I'm not saying that, but I am saying, you know,
be wise with your money.
And if you're able to save up money, save up money
and don't just spend everything you have and just say,
well, I'm going to get married.
My husband can figure it out.
No, you share in stresses in life.
That's the way it works.
Now, I know this sort of preaching isn't necessarily
the most popular, but it is reality.
When you get married, you're going to share
those expenses together.
You can't say, well, you know, my wife has this bill
that she owes, but we're not going to pay it as a family
because that was before she was married.
No, you're going to have to pay that bill
because you share in these things together.
Two become one.
So honestly, the same sort of advice that goes for women
is really kind of the same sort of advice
that goes for men as well.
Yes, men need to prepare financially more so than the women,
but women as well prepare financially.
Ruth chapter one, verse one.
Ruth one, verse one.
The Bible reads,
Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled
that there was a famine in the land,
and a certain man of Bethlehem Judah
went to sojourn in the country of Moab,
he and his wife and his two sons.
Now, in this story in Ruth chapter one,
we see that basically that the family is,
there's a famine in the land,
and the family's kind of scared financially,
and they end up moving to Moab.
Now, this is a picture of leaving a godly area
and going to an ungodly area, okay?
Now, he's stressed out about finances,
and he makes a poor choice.
And I understand, especially during this time period,
it was really the wives did stay home basically completely,
and the husbands worked the general rule.
But what I want you to understand is,
let's say she was prepared financially,
then they wouldn't have had to be worried at all.
Now, I'm not saying she could have done anything about that.
I'm just saying from a practical standpoint,
let's say she was pretty prepared financially,
and then he wouldn't have been so stressed out
that he moved his family, okay?
Often in the Bible, you see men that leave
when a famine comes.
You say, why?
Because there's nothing that stresses a guy out
more than finances.
Now, ladies, you might not realize that,
but that is reality.
And you must understand the number one thing
that's going to stress out your husband is finances.
The more prepared you are,
the more it's going to help him out,
it's going to help your marriage out.
And you have to understand when you're getting married,
these two things you're going to share it, okay?
Now, obviously the advice in Proverbs 31
of a guy looking for this kind of woman,
as a woman who's going to be getting found by a godly guy,
you want to meet those things in Proverbs chapter 31.
The things you see in Proverbs 31
to basically be a hard worker,
to basically be smart with money,
that's what you see in Proverbs 31.
You want to strive to be this sort of woman,
that way you're the sort of woman
that a godly guy is going to be looking for, okay?
Now, let me give you just a few things
to just kind of take away from this sermon,
just kind of some general advice I would give.
Number one, I would say this,
I would not recommend that you guys rush into marriage.
You meet somebody you find attractive
and a month later you get married.
I don't think that's very wise.
You say, why?
Because you're going to be married
the last 50, 60 years of your life.
And honestly, a month is a really short time.
Now, I'm not saying it can't work out.
And I know people that have been married,
that was their situation and it did work out.
From a practical standpoint though,
it's not the best advice.
The best or better advice would be this,
that basically for guys,
if you have a new girl that's coming to church
or someone you're interested in,
you need to know her long enough
to see whether or not she's someone
who wants to live for the Lord
and it's someone you want to be married to.
And look, I understand that you're in the dating world
and you basically just are,
you're not really thinking on a practical standpoint as much.
It's more of an emotional standpoint
and that's part of it,
but you can't forsake the practical part.
The practical part about,
is she someone who's basically smart with finances
and things such as that?
Look, those things matter more after you're married.
Before you're married, you just think of,
do I find them attractive?
I like them, I enjoy hanging out, do they like me?
That's only part of it though, okay?
So I would not recommend that you rush
into marrying someone
because this is a choice you're making
the rest of your life, till death do us part.
This is not just, well,
I'm debating about what restaurant to go to.
No, this is the rest of my life
I'm going to be married to this person.
With big decisions, it's not wise to be hasty, okay?
Usually in the Bible, being hasty is a bad thing.
Not always, but usually.
With big decisions, you want to think about it.
With small decisions, it's no big deal.
With big decisions, don't rush into it.
The other advice I would give is this,
I would suggest that if you have someone
you're interested in and thinking about being married to,
I would get godly counsel
from other people outside of the situation
to make sure you're not making a foolish decision.
You say, why?
Because you can't see the forest for the trees
when you're inside of a forest, right?
When you're in the situation,
sometimes you're not thinking on a practical standpoint.
And look, there are plenty of godly people in this room.
You know, any guys that you're interested,
you could ask me,
but you could ask other guys at church.
Ladies, you could ask my wife or other ladies at church.
But I would suggest getting advice
from people outside of the situation.
And look, a friend loveth at all times
and is willing to tell the truth.
And would tell you, hey, you know what?
Honestly, I don't think that's the best girl to marry.
And here's the reasons why.
Because honestly, when it comes to us as individuals,
we like to make our own decisions.
But when you're involved in this situation,
you think only emotionally sometimes.
And you don't think logically.
And so I wouldn't suggest rushing in,
but I would also strongly suggest
that if there's someone you're interested in,
get advice from godly people at this church
that are outside of the situation.
And could tell you, I don't think that's a good choice.
And here's why.
Look, and it might be a good choice.
It might be the best choice.
But honestly, when you're in the situations,
sometimes you overlook the flaws
because you're really interested in them.
It's the same thing when it comes to people
that are, you know, reprobates or psychopaths in church
that end up being exposed as weirdos or whatever.
Oftentimes, you don't really see all their flaws
and all the red flags because you like them.
They're fun to hang out with or whatever.
And I've experienced that with people.
I ended up being bad people and it shocked me.
But then on hindsight, you see all these red flags,
but you just overlook those red flags
because there's someone you enjoyed hanging out with
and you don't even think about it.
Look, when you're in a situation,
it's harder to see clearly.
And so just to recap, how to find a godly spouse.
Well, number one, the husband finds the wife.
That's what the Bible teaches.
So wives are more being found by the guy.
And number two, basically prepare yourself.
But as a walk away for guys,
it is going to be your job to make the effort
to talk to girls and to be interested in someone,
whether it's at our church or outside of our church.
It is the guy's job.
You can't expect the godly soul winning woman
to come to you and ask you out and go down on her knee
and say, will you marry me?
Look, if that takes place,
it's probably not the girl to get married to.
Let's close in a word of prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us
to be here today and ask you to help us
apply this sermon to our lives
and ask you to help all the godly people
we have in this room, all the singles
to basically find godly spouses in their lives, God.
Help guide them to the right person,
but help prepare them for that day, God,
and help just the right person to come along their path
in whatever way you would see fit, God.
But we just pray these things in Jesus name, amen.