Alright, we're here in 1 Peter chapter 3 and before I forget, one thing I did forget to
announce is that we will have a music ministry meeting after soul winning here today.
So if you're interested in being part of the music ministry during 2021, which includes
like song leading or playing one of the instruments, then come to the meeting and you don't have
to guarantee that you're going to do it.
But if you're just interested, just come to the meeting and I'll give you the information
and the handout and everything.
So we're here in 1 Peter chapter 3 and we've taken a bit of a break from our series on
fundamental family tips because of the anniversaries, because of the holidays and everything.
We're kind of getting back into it here today and what we're preaching on right now is about
husbands.
Okay, now I don't want you wives to get too excited here today because next week I'm going
to be preaching on wives.
I thought about doing the double header, like hit the husbands and the wives, but I can't
have everybody mad at me at the same time.
So next week I'll preach toward the wives.
But this is really just a series to kind of give you practical tips about being a good
father, being a good mother, being a good husband, being a good wife.
That's the goal of the series.
And when it comes to a husband, one thing you must understand is that you are meant
to be the firm vessel, the stronger vessel in that marriage.
Notice what it says in 1 Peter 3 verse 7, likewise he husbands dwell with them according
to knowledge, giving on or onto the wife as onto the weaker vessel.
And see the Bible refers to the wife as being the weaker vessel, okay?
What that would imply is that the husband is the stronger vessel or the firm vessel
in that marriage.
Now I want you to realize that doesn't say that, well, the husbands are smarter than
the wives.
It doesn't say that, okay?
What it says is that husbands are the stronger vessel and that wives are the weaker vessel.
So what exactly does that mean?
We'll go to 2 Samuel chapter 12, let me give you some examples.
2 Samuel chapter 12, 2 Samuel 12, you say, brother Shucky, why are we preaching a sermon
about or a sermon series about husbands and then wives and everything?
Well, in the verse we just read, it said as being heirs together of the grace of life.
And look, if you're going to be successful in serving God, you better have your spouse
on board with you.
I mean, if you're the husband and your wife doesn't love God, look, you're just not going
to serve God anywhere near as much as if your wife actually did love God too.
If you're a wife and you love God, but the husband doesn't, it's going to be difficult.
It's going to be difficult to raise the kids, it's going to be difficult to go soul winning,
it's going to be difficult to get on board with the things of God.
Now look, if you're a parent, it is your obligation to serve God so you can teach and train your
children.
You better get on board with the things of God if you're a parent because you've got
children that you are responsible for.
So we're talking about husbands here, and in one area that husbands need to be the firm
vessel is in reference to when there's tragedies that take place.
Notice this in 2 Samuel 12 verse 15, and Nathan departed onto his house and the Lord struck
the child that Uriah's wife bare onto David and it was very, very sick.
So here's an example where we know David committed adultery with Bathsheba, they're having a
child and then the child is born and then his son is struck with sickness, okay?
And his son is basically going to die.
Notice this in verse 16, David therefore besought God for the child and David fasted and went
in and lay all night upon the earth.
And the elders of his house arose and went to him to raise him up from the earth, but
he would not, neither did he eat bread with them.
And it came to pass on the seventh day that the child died and the servants of David feared
to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, behold, while the child was yet
alive we spake unto him and he would not hearken under our voice.
How will he then vex himself if we tell him that the child is dead?
So David was mourning and grieving over his child being sick, and then all of a sudden
his child dies and his servants are worried, man, it didn't seem like David could hold
himself together when the child was almost dead.
We can't tell David the child is dead, but David's a smart guy.
He perceives and can tell that the child has died based on the reaction of his servants.
Verse 19, but when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child
was dead.
Therefore, David said unto his servants, is the child dead?
And they said, he is dead.
Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his apparel
and came into the house of the Lord and worshiped.
Then he came to his own house and when he required, they set bread before him and he
did eat.
So David goes through this big tragedy that takes place and this week goes by, the child
dies and what ends up happening?
He picks himself off the ground, he changes his clothing, he eats food, and it says he
worships God.
Look, if any tragedy ever happens in your life, you ought to make it a point to say,
I'm going to stay in church no matter what.
That's what you see with David.
He stays in church even though I'm sure, you know what, he doesn't feel like being around
other people.
Obviously with what just took place, but you should always be in church.
You should have a habit to say, I'm going to be in church no matter whether I'm going
through a high point or a low point because look, you will have high points in your life
and you will have low points.
We're not a Pentecostal church that's going to get up here and say, well, I mean, as long
as you're given a lot of money, everything's going to go well in your life.
If you're having problems, you might want to check your salvation.
Well, that's not what we preach around here, right?
The Bible shows you're going to have up points and down points and you ought to have an attitude,
I'm going to serve God in the highs and the lows of life, okay?
This is what David does in this story.
Verse 21, then said his servants onto him, what thing is this that thou has done?
Thou didst fast and weep for the child while it was alive, but when the child was dead,
thou didst rise and eat bread.
And he said, while the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept for I said, who can tell
whether God will be gracious to me, the child may live, but now he is dead.
Wherefore should I fast?
Can I bring him back again?
I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.
What David says in verse 23 is this, I was weeping and I was hoping God would be merciful,
but when I found out the child was dead, it was too late.
The child's dead.
But what he says is this, I will go to him, right?
What David's saying in verse 23 is this, my son's in heaven because don't babies go to
heaven when they die?
Absolutely.
Right?
They're not old enough to comprehend.
They're not held accountable for any sins when they're one, two, three, I mean, I don't
know what the age of accountability is and it can vary per person, but look, babies go
to heaven according to this verse.
David says, I will go to my child one day, but my child has passed on.
My child is not going to come back in this life.
Right?
And so notice what it says here in verse 24, you say, well, why, why did David have this
reaction?
Why wasn't he really sad?
Well, I believe the answer is found in verse 24.
It says, and David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and went in onto her and lay with her
and she bare a son and he called his name Solomon and the Lord loved him.
And see David, after this takes place, what it says is he comforts Bathsheba, his wife.
Okay.
Now you say, why is this?
Because obviously she is going to be more emotional than him with this situation.
I mean, isn't that what we see in life?
That in a situation like this, that ladies are going to be more emotional regarding this.
You say, why men and women were created differently and the world wants to say they're just the
same.
And then they say, well, you know, you guys are a bunch of sexist and racist and all this
stuff because you're saying men are this and women are this.
What we're saying is they're different.
Men and women are different.
That's not an insult to women, right?
It's just that we are made differently and look as husbands, we are the firm vessel.
Yes, you need to comfort your wife in a tragedy.
What's interesting about this verse is that this verse covers one year in one verse, right?
Because they just lost the child.
Now if they just lost the child, there's going to be a time period before they're going to
be able to have a child, right?
At least you would say a few months and then there's 40 weeks of giving birth, right?
So this is basically at least a year that goes by and what the Bible is trying to teach
you is this, that over the course of a year, David was comforting his wife, right?
I'm sure there were times it came to her remembrance and she was very sad and as a husband, you
are the firm vessel.
You must be there to comfort your spouse.
That's what we see here in this situation.
Now turn to Job chapter two, Job chapter two.
It's not that the situation doesn't bother David.
I mean, I'm sure it did, right?
I mean, I think probably most of us that are adults at least at some point in our life
have suffered some sort of tragedy with maybe a family member or relative with either a
death or major sickness.
I've experienced a few in my life and look, yeah, it's tough.
It makes you sad.
I'm not saying it's wrong to be sad.
I'm not saying it's wrong for a man to shed tears, but what I am saying is you do need
to be the firm vessel to be there for your wife, okay?
And that's what we see in the Bible.
Job chapter two is another example.
Job chapter two.
Now remember in the book of Job, in Job chapter one, Job basically loses all of his money
just immediately and they lose all of their children just immediately.
I mean, I don't think any of us can put ourselves in Job's shoes and find this out, right?
Can you imagine somebody comes to you and says, all of your children died, you lost
all your money.
I mean, just everything like that, right?
I don't believe I would have been able to handle this like Job does.
But notice what it says here in Job two verse nine.
And then in the next chapter, Job two, all of a sudden his health is struck, okay?
He has bad health here, it boils all over his body.
Verse nine, then set his wife onto him, dost thou still retain thine integrity?
Curse God and die, okay?
So everything's going bad in his life and then his wife says curse God and die.
Now look, I don't believe that Job's wife was ungodly.
I'm sure she was a very godly lady, okay?
But you have to put yourselves in her shoes and she just lost all of her children.
They lost all of their money.
Look, it's just amazing Job actually handles it as well as he does.
It makes sense that she's very emotional about this situation.
And you know, sometimes ladies, sometimes women will speak out of emotion.
They get emotional and sometimes they say things that they don't really mean.
And they say it in the heat of the moment.
And that's what we're seeing in the story with Job two, okay?
Notice what it says in verse 10.
But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh.
What?
Shall we receive good at the hand of God and shall we not receive evil?
And all this did not Job sin with his lips.
And so look, Job, he tells her, you know what?
You can receive good and bad from God.
And he's like, this is what foolish women would say, okay?
Now he does kind of give her a slight rebuke, but I want you to realize in verse 10, he's
not screaming at his wife.
Like how dare you say that, you wicked woman, right?
You know, if your wife speaks out of emotion and says something that's hurtful as the husband,
you're the firm vessel, meaning, you know what?
You need to shake it off, right?
Like they say water off a duck's back, okay?
Now turn in your Bible to 2 Samuel 10, 2 Samuel 10, 2 Samuel 10.
And look, I would say this that, you know, whether you're a man or a woman in this room,
you ought to embrace the role that God has given you in this life, right?
Some people try to fight against God given roles that have been given to us.
Like, you know, you'll have husbands that just, you know, don't want to be the leader
in the family.
And so they fight against what, you know, God has for them.
Then you have wives or ladies who want to fight against it.
It's like, why can't I go out there and be the president and et cetera, et cetera.
It's like, you ought to embrace the roles that God gave you in this life.
You got to be happy with it.
There's a difference between men and women, and it's not an insult to women.
There's just, and look, here's what's funny about it.
They'll say that we insult women.
Well, how come when you drive down the roads, you see all these pictures of these women
with all of their clothes off.
Who's insulting to women?
Who's the one convincing those women to take their clothes off?
It's the world that's doing that, and yet we're the ones that are insulting.
It's like they're teaching people that the only value in a woman is her body.
That's not what we teach around here.
What we teach is there's a difference between men and women, and we teach men and women
to dress classy and be mature and love God.
We don't insult women.
We're just saying there's a difference, okay?
In situations of tragedy, as the husband, you need to be the firm vessel, but also in
situations of fear.
If you have a situation in life that is a very scary situation, and you're married,
you have to be the firm vessel in that situation, okay?
You say, what does that mean?
It means if a robber breaks into your house in the middle of the night, as the husband,
you don't hand your wife the baseball bat and crawl underneath the bed, okay?
What it means is you make sure the wife and the kids are safe, and then you deal with
the situation, right?
Because you are the head of the household.
You are meant to be the stronger vessel, and the stronger vessel, I believe that applies
to emotions, but one application is that men are just stronger than women, and I know that's
an insulting statement to a lot of people, but look, it's a fact.
The average man is stronger by a lot than the average woman, and that's not an insult
to women.
There's a difference between men and women, okay?
Notice what it says in 2 Samuel 10 verse 9, when Joab saw that the front of the battle
was against him before and behind, he chose of all the choice men of Israel and put them
in a ray against the Syrians, and the rest of the people he delivered into the hand of
Abishai his brother, that he might put them in a ray against the children of Ammon.
Notice what it says in verse 11, and he said, if the Syrians be too strong for me, then
thou shalt help me, but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will
come and help thee.
Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people.
Let us play the men for our people, right?
You know what Joab's saying here is this, that you know what, you might get afraid in
this situation, but you are the leader over a group of people, and you cannot act afraid
if you're the leader.
You've got to play the man, right?
Now this definitely applies in terms of a leader in general.
Me in terms of running a church, look, I can't show fear in scary situations.
You know, I've got to act with boldness and confidence.
You say, why?
Because if I act afraid, everyone's going to act afraid by and large.
As a leader, you must be confident and not show fear, okay?
I mean, one great example, and look, my perspective on this whole coronavirus has changed like
55 times since it started, but I'll be honest, when it started, I thought it was a very,
very deadly disease, right?
Now look, my perspective has changed quite a bit, and I'm not going into rabbit trails
and conspiracy theories and stuff like that, but I didn't show any fear when I was here.
I came to church, I still preached the sermons, and you know, we still went soul winning.
We still serve God.
You say, why?
Because as a leader, you cannot show fear.
Even if you are in scary situations, as a leader, you must be confident, you must have
boldness.
And look, as a husband, you are the head of your home, which means you must be the firm
vessel and in situations of fear, you can't show that fear.
You say, but I am afraid.
Well play the man then.
If you are afraid, then act like a man, even if you are afraid.
And look, in life as men, sometimes we have to do this.
Look, the truth is, if a robber breaks into our house in the middle of the night, yes,
I will be afraid.
But you know what?
I have to play the man and not act afraid in the situation.
You have to rise to the occasion in those situations.
As a husband, you are the firm vessel in that marriage.
Turn your Bible to 1 Peter 3.
1 Peter 3.
The Bible speaks about in times of war how men become as women, and what it's saying
is they basically start acting afraid, they're not bold, they're not confident.
And look, as a guy, you know what?
We need to be tough.
I'm not telling you to go to the gym and lift weights for hours every day.
I'm not telling you to become a UFC fighter.
I'm just saying though, as the guy, yes, you are the firm vessel.
And look, as guys, we should not be weaklings, right?
We are the firm vessel in our marriages, okay?
Number one, as husbands, we are the firm vessels.
Number two, we should fellowship with our wives.
Notice what it says in 1 Peter 3, verse 7, likewise, the husbands dwell with them, referring
to your wives, according to knowledge.
The Bible says you ought to dwell with your wives according to knowledge.
You say, what does that mean?
It means you actually need to know what your wife is like.
You need to get to know her.
You say, Brother Sucky, how do you do that, right?
You know, I didn't go into psychiatry, I can't, you know, you talk to them.
You have conversations, right?
You actually fellowship and get to know them, you have conversations with them, so you can
get to know what they're like.
And here's the thing, once you get married, it's like, man, this is like the very beginning
of the learning stage, because you're going to be learning about your spouse for the rest
of your life, because you're going to be going through various situations, and you're going
to see how each other react, and you're going to be constantly in a state of learning.
And I want you to realize in this verse, it says you're supposed to be heirs together
of the grace of life.
And look, you know, when it comes to a marriage, we need both husbands and wives on board with
the things of God.
And as husbands, one thing you need to do is to fellowship, to get to know, to talk
to your wives, okay?
Turn to Song of Solomon chapter five, Song of Solomon chapter five.
Say, Brother Sucky, why are you highlighting that husbands need to talk to their wives?
Well, two reasons.
One, I'm preaching about husbands here today.
And number two, because your wives want to talk to you.
They want to be your friends.
They want to have conversations with you.
Men and women are created differently, right?
I mean, you know, men could get in a car together, go to a soul winning marathon, drive for several
hours, and then, you know, you come back home, your wives ask, what did you guys talk about?
I don't think we really talked, right?
We're just kind of sitting there.
I mean, guys can be in a car together for hours.
Don't say a word to one another.
Doesn't mean they're mad with each other.
What about if you have two ladies in a car together for hours and they don't say a single
word?
It's like, all right, World War Three is about to take place, right?
Men and women are different.
So look, as guys, you know, you might feel like, oh, man, I just got off work.
I'm tired.
I just want to relax.
Yeah, men and women are different.
But you must realize that the Bible says, dwell with your wives according to knowledge,
meaning you need to actually get to know them, meaning you have to actually talk to them,
meaning you have to set aside some time in your life to actually get to know them.
I know it's really busy because you got to know what's going on in every church all over
the world and, you know, all the COVID stuff and everything.
I know you're too busy to talk to your wives, but you know what?
We need to take the time to talk to our wives and get to know them, right?
We need to fellowship with our spouses.
Song of Solomon, chapter five, verse 16.
Now in Song of Solomon chapter, the Book of Song of Solomon, this is really kind of a
song, a poem back and forth between Solomon and his wife, who is the daughter of the Pharaoh
of Egypt.
And, you know, before he married all these other women, they had a great marriage and
everything.
But notice what it says in Song of Solomon, five, verse 16.
This is what she says about him.
She hasn't been around him for a little while.
He's gone.
She's lonely.
She misses him.
And notice what it says in verse 16.
His mouth is most sweet, yet he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved, and this is my friend, right?
What she says about her husband, she says all of these great things about him.
She says what he looks like and everything like that.
Then she says, he's my friend.
Okay?
Well, what does it mean to be somebody's friend?
It means it's someone you hang out with, right?
Someone you fellowship with, right?
If you say you're friends with somebody, I mean, if you live nearby somebody and you're
friends, then that means you hang out more than once every eight months, right?
That would be an acquaintance if it's once every eight months.
And what she says about her husband is, I don't just look at him as my spouse.
He's actually my friend.
That means they actually have conversations.
I mean, they actually get to know one another.
He actually really cares about her.
Not just that they're legally married, but that they're actually spending time with one
another.
Okay?
First Samuel chapter one.
First Samuel one.
First Samuel chapter one.
So when it comes to fellowship, part of this is just having a conversation, actually talking
to them.
Another aspect as husbands is to pay attention to subtle, small details, to actually pay
attention because sometimes ladies will tell you something through their expressions, but
they might not actually verbally say it.
But you know what?
If you're paying attention, you're gonna actually know what they're thinking and what they're
trying to tell you, even though they're not actually expressing it, actually saying it
with their words.
Here's an example in First Samuel one of someone who just does a terrible, terrible, terrible
job of this.
Okay?
Notice what it says in First Samuel one verse four.
And when the time was that Elkanah offered, he gave to Peninnah his wife and to all her
sons and her daughters portions.
But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion for he loved Hannah, but the Lord had shut up
her womb.
Here's a man, Elkanah, who has two wives.
Well, that's problem number one.
Okay?
You have two wives and obviously that's gonna lead to various problems.
And it says in her adversary...
So the one wife is basically an adversary or an enemy to the other wife, right?
And her adversary also provoked her sore for to make her fret because the Lord had shut
up her womb.
Basically Elkanah is married to two women and one wife has been having children, the
other one hasn't, and the one who has children is basically mocking the one Hannah, who has
a barren womb, who has not been able to have children because the Lord at this point had
shut up her womb.
Okay?
Obviously, you know what?
She's gonna be very sad about this.
Verse seven, and as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord,
so she provoked her, therefore she wept and did not eat.
So his wife is not eating and she's crying.
That means something's wrong, right?
Now I hope all of us guys can figure out if your wife's not eating.
No, honey, what's wrong?
I'm fine.
If she's not eating and she's crying, there's something wrong, okay?
And so then in verse eight, then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou?
You know, why are you crying and why eatest thou not?
Why are you not eating and why is thy heart grieve?
Why are you sad?
Am not I better to thee than ten sons?
It's like sometimes you read verses in the Bible and you're just like, oh, what in the
world?
It's like, why would you say something like that?
Right?
And he's saying like, why are you sad?
I mean, isn't it better having me than having like ten children?
It's like he realizes she's sad about this and yet he just says one of the most bobo
statements you could possibly say, right?
Sometimes we can learn from bad examples in the Bible, right?
And so look, I want you to realize though, as husbands, we need to actually pay attention
to nonverbal communication.
And they do many studies and say that nonverbal communication actually expresses more than
the actual words that are actually said, right?
Because sometimes people's verbal communication is not necessarily clear or completely honest
and true, but usually the nonverbal communication doesn't really lie.
And look, as husbands, you ought to actually pay attention to your wives and get to know
them and you ought to pay attention to details if there's something wrong, okay?
Now turn in your Bible to Colossians 3, Colossians 3, Colossians chapter 3.
Point number one, as husbands, we are to be the firm vessel.
Point number two, we are to fellowship with our wives.
And point number three, forgiveness, we are to forgive our wives if they do something
that is wrong or do something that make us upset, okay?
Now obviously this could apply to ladies as well should forgive their husbands, but there
is a Bible verse that specifically tells husbands to forgive their wives.
Colossians 3 verse 19, husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them.
And when it's saying be not bitter against them, obviously something must have happened
where it said, hey, if your wife does something that makes you mad, don't hold these emotions
of hostility, right?
Forgive them, don't hold bitterness inside of your body.
Now this is good advice for anybody not to hold bitterness in your body, but there's
a specific verse telling husbands not to be bitter against their wives, okay?
Now this is interesting to me though, because I want you to understand something that if
two guys get into a fight, right?
Let's say two guys get really mad at each other, worst case scenario, they put on the
boxing gloves, one of them gets knocked out, and then they laugh about it over monging
a song an hour later, right?
And then everything's forgiven, it's forgotten, no big deal, right?
It's like then you're just asking for a rematch, right?
A week later, something like that if you lost, right?
And so look, but in terms of ladies though, ladies can get in arguments and really hold
emotions and bitterness toward other ladies.
This is something I've seen in church settings before, I've been at many churches before
and this is something that ladies can have a tendency to do, but yet what's interesting
about this is it doesn't tell ladies not to be bitter against their spouses.
It doesn't say ladies be not bitter against their husbands, it says husbands be not bitter
against.
You say why does it single out husbands?
Now a few thoughts I have, and you might have different thoughts and that's fine, but as
I said earlier, sometimes women can kind of speak out of emotions, maybe they say something
they don't mean and the husband is offended by it or is upset by it and she's ready to
forgive a few hours later and let's just say we're sorry and move on, but the husband just
has this anger that's just boiling up inside and he refuses to forgive.
And what the Bible's kind of indicating is that husbands can actually hang onto that
even longer than wives can.
And I think the reason why is because that with wives, they're very attached to loving
their husband, they devote their entire lives, they just want to be married to them, whereas
husbands they can get mad and just, you know, not want to talk to them and just hold bitterness
against them.
Go to Judges chapter 14, Judges 14.
Now obviously, obviously the same thing could be said for ladies doing this to husbands.
We understand that advice about not being bitter, advice about forgiving is good for
all of us, but there is a specific story I'm going to look at that actually shows this
to you of a man who holds bitterness against his wife and does not forgive her and it destroys
his entire life.
Okay, Judges 14 verse 16, Judges 14 verse 16.
And Samson's wife wept before him and said, Dost thou but hate me and lovest me not?
Thou hast put forth a riddle onto the children of my people and hast not told it me.
And so here's a story where Samson has this riddle and he's basically kind of like gambling
and everything.
And then his wife is trying to find out the riddle to tell her people and everything.
So she's not necessarily on his side.
She's like wants to help them out.
And then this is what Samson says here in verse 16.
And he said unto her, Behold, I have not told it my father nor my mother.
And shall I tell it thee?
Now why does he mention I didn't tell it to my dad or my mom?
Because here's the thing, when you get married, husbands and wives, two become one, right?
And it's just like this is someone who's married and he's saying, you know, if I didn't tell
my dad the riddle, why would I tell you the riddle?
If I didn't tell my mom the riddle, why would I tell you the riddle?
Like that's essentially what Samson, look, that's the wrong attitude as someone who's
married because the Bible says that, you know, you leave father and mother and cleave onto
your wife.
And what Samson's indicating is that he is closer to his mom and his dad than his wife.
It's like if I didn't tell my parents, why would I tell you?
Right?
Notice what it says in verse 17.
And she wept before him the seven days while their feast lasted.
And it came to pass on the seventh day that he told her, because she lay sore upon him,
and she told the riddle to the children of her people.
And the men of the city said unto him, On the seventh day before the sun went down,
what is sweeter than honey and what is stronger than a lion?
And he said unto them, If he had not plowed with my heifer, he had not found out my riddle.
Now, who is he calling heifer?
Who is he calling an animal?
He's calling his wife a heifer, right?
He's speaking out of anger.
And he said, if he had not plowed with my heifer, talking about his wife, okay, now,
look, even outside the scope of the sermon series, marriage advice, do not call your
wife an animal, okay?
I mean, I understand the Song of Solomon.
Sometimes they use examples of animals.
That's not our present day society, okay?
Make sure you understand the scope of those statements, okay?
But he speaks out of anger.
And he says, if he had not plowed with my heifer, he had not found out my riddle.
And the Spirit of the Lord came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon and slew thirty
men of them and took their spoil and gave change of garments onto them, which expounded
the riddle.
And his anger was kindled, and notice this, and he went up to his father's house.
So here's more indication about how he's a little bit too close to mom and dad because
they get into a fight, and notice what happens.
He goes home to his dad to cry about it.
This is Samson, right?
This is the same man who just tears down the pillars, I mean, the strongest man.
And you know what?
Here he is, you know, crying to dad about it, right?
Crying to mom and dad about it, goes home to his father's house.
So he's mad at his wife, and he's just like, you know, I just don't want to see you right
now.
And so he goes home to his father's house.
Now notice what it says in verse number 20, but Samson's wife was given to his companion
whom he had used as his friend, okay?
Now I want you to see this.
It says Samson's wife was given to his companion.
It doesn't say his friend, it says his companion.
It says whom he had used as a friend.
What does that mean?
Here's what it means.
Basically, when Samson had a problem, when his car breaks down, hey, can you help me
out?
And then his companion helps him out.
When his companion has a problem and he says, Samson, can you help me out?
I'm too busy, right?
That's called using someone as a friend.
Basically, you want them when you need them, but you're not there for them if they need
you.
That's not a real friend.
A real friend means you are there for them when they need you, okay?
So look, Samson was a godly person.
He did a lot of great things, but he also had a lot of problems.
And it says he used this person as a friend, and it says his wife was given to his companion.
Now here's the reality.
If you are best friends with another guy, the last thing, the biggest, worst thing you
could do is to take that person's wife or girlfriend or whatever, right?
And if you're best friends with them, you're not gonna do that, especially if they're married.
It's like you wouldn't even think about doing something like this, but here's the thing
about this.
Samson didn't really look at the person as a friend, and I'm sure that person said, you
know what?
Samson's never been there for me.
Why should I be there for him?
Now I want you to also realize this, that especially during this culture at this time,
most of the jobs were manual labor type of jobs.
And so to make money, you're actually doing a lot of outdoor work and heavy lifting and
difficult things, right?
Not just behind, look, I work behind a computer, but I'm just saying in terms of heavy physical
energy that you're using.
And so look, you know, there weren't all these modern conveniences.
So for example, you know, a lot of the modern things that we have that make things easier,
they didn't have them.
So traditionally, the wives would stay home, and the husbands would be out working.
And so I want you to realize he is responsible for providing for his wife financially, right?
Well here's the thing, if he's gone, who's gonna provide for his wife financially?
Her dad, right?
Her family.
He goes home to his parents, well she's gonna go home to her parents, because during that
time, you know, I'm sure that he was the one providing financially, he's not doing it.
Now we do not know how much time goes by, but look, I'm sure it was more than a day.
I'm sure it was more than a week.
I believe that there was a time period of months that probably went by, and guess what?
They didn't have cell phones back then.
So it's not like they're like, hey Samson, what happened?
You know, my daughter's crying right now.
It's like, you know, she said you're like this terrible person and everything, and it's
just like, I heard you're gone, like when are you gonna be back?
I mean, they probably didn't communicate with him for a time period, and I'm not saying
it's right what the father did, I'm just saying the father's just like, well, you know, I
guess he pretty much just decided to divorce her and leave her or whatever, so I'll just
marry her off to another person.
Notice what it says in Judges 15 verse 1, Judges 15 verse 1, but it came to pass within
a while after.
So notice what it says, a while after.
We don't know how long that is, but look, this is a time period that's going by, okay?
But it came to pass within a while after, in the time of wheat harvest, that Samson
visited his wife with a kid, and he said, I will go into my wife, into the chamber.
So basically Samson's just kind of gone, and he just kind of comes back and just assumes,
hey, let's just start from where we left off, right?
Not like, hey, I'm sorry, but it's just like, yeah, I'll just kind of go in, and just we'll
go back to how things were before, okay?
But then it says, but her father would not suffer him to go in, meaning not to allow
him to go in.
And her father said, I barely thought that thou hadst utterly hated her, therefore I
gave her to thy companion.
Is not her younger sister fairer than she?
Take her, I pray thee, instead of her.
Look, this situation, and look, we don't have time to go into the whole story, but Samson's
entire life is destroyed, right?
And a large part of that, a large part of the root there is just for the simple fact
that he just didn't forgive his wife when they got into a fight.
And look, fights take place.
Now this is kind of extreme, because he tells the riddle, and then he kills 30 people and
takes their clothes.
I mean, that's not the sort of fight that my wife has ever had.
But here's the thing, he should have just forgiven her.
She could have forgiven him.
They could have said they're sorry.
They could have just moved on.
Because here's the thing, if neither one ever forgives, it's just gonna get worse and worse
and worse.
And you might legally stay married.
You might not be able to get a divorce, because it's not legal here right now, but that doesn't
mean that you're really acting as husband and wife, like the Bible says.
Like a real marriage, okay?
Now turn your Bible to Hosea, Hosea chapter two, Hosea two.
And so we saw an example of someone, a husband, who's very bad at forgiving his wife.
Now I want to look at an example of someone who is very good at forgiving his wife.
If you've been here on Wednesdays, we've been preaching through Hosea, or you caught the
sermons online.
And Hosea, on the other hand, is actually very good at forgiving his wife, okay?
Notice what it says in Hosea chapter two, verse five.
Just to give you kind of an overview of this book, in case you're not familiar, Hosea gets
married to this woman, and then they have a child together, and then she ends up playing
the harlot, she plays the whore against him, and she ends up having two children with at
least one other guy, maybe two other guys, it doesn't tell us.
So basically she has children with another person, okay?
Now I want you to understand something that, because the children are actually gonna be
living with them, with Hosea and Gomer and everything, so they're gonna be raising those
kids even though those aren't his kids, I want you to understand something.
When I go, when I wake up tomorrow morning, and my kids wake up, I will look at my son,
and I can tell that's my son.
You say why?
Because I can see myself in my son.
When I look at my daughter, I can see myself in my daughter.
I can tell they're my kids, I mean literally, if I had never met my kids before, when I
first looked at them, I would just be like, I'd wonder if they're my kids, right?
Because they look like me, right?
They look like my wife too, but you know, you can see yourself in your kids.
Here's the thing, Hosea woke up every single morning, and he looked at these two children,
he didn't see himself in those children.
Every single day he had a reminder of the fact that his wife cheated on him.
Not just cheated, and look, if she had two children with other people, she probably cheated
more than twice, and he got a reminder of it each, because here's the thing, if you're
able to forget stuff, then you're able to just kind of move on with your life, but if
it's fresh in your mind, it's going to always bug you, and every single day he looked at
those children, and he said, you know what, those aren't my children.
That's hard to forgive, isn't it?
I've never had to forgive something this extreme, and I'm giving you an example because I don't
think any of us have dealt with something as extreme as Hosea, and yet Hosea is actually
able to forgive his wife.
Notice what it says in Hosea 2 verse 5, for their mother hath played the harlot, she that
conceived them hath done shamefully, for she said, I will go after my lovers that give
me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, mine oil and my drink.
Therefore behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns and make a wall that she shall
not find her paths.
So she departs from her husband because she's getting all this stuff from her lovers, bread
and water and all these nice things, and she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall
not overtake them, and she shall seek them, but shall not find them.
Then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband, for then was it better with
me than now.
Now go to Hosea 3.
So she cheats on him, and she reaches the point where she's just like, you know what,
it was actually better for me before.
I always complain because he always threw his t-shirts on the ground or whatever, didn't
do the laundry.
He didn't put down the toilet seat, right, everything, you know, but it was actually
better for me before, right?
Well, notice what it says in Hosea 3.
Then the Lord said on to me in verse 1, Go yet love a woman beloved of her friend, yet
an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord to the children of Israel, who look to
other gods and love flagons of wine.
Anyway, God specifically tells Hosea, I want you to go after your wife.
I want you to love her.
What is he saying?
He's saying, I want you to pour out your heart, your emotion, and your action into this woman.
I want you to bring her back.
He says, you know what, I want you to go after her.
Now why is it that Hosea didn't want to go after her?
Because he was mad at her.
He was angry.
He was bitter.
You say, why did God allow him to go through that?
Well, according to the Bible, what we're seeing is God wanted Hosea to feel the same emotion
that God felt towards his people whoring around on him.
And look, this is pretty difficult.
When you read the Old Testament, right, I mean, the New Testament Bible reading challenge,
it's like, okay, it's not that bad for them.
You read the Old Testament, all the prophets are like, man, they lived some rough lives,
didn't they?
And Hosea, he had to go through this because God wanted him to basically see how it felt
like so he could better preach toward the people, okay?
Verse two, so I bought her to me for 15 pieces of silver and for an omer of barley and an
half omer of barley.
And I said unto her, thou shalt abide for me many days, thou shalt not play the harlot
and thou shalt not be for another man, so will I also be for thee.
Now look, we cannot hear Hosea saying these words, but you can tell from the verse, he's
not screaming at his wife.
I don't sense any sort of screaming when he runs into her.
Now here's the thing, if I was in this situation, I would probably scream, right?
I would be so angry, but you know what, he's actually willing to forgive her.
And before this, before God kinda nudged him, he wasn't really able to do that, but he reaches
the point, God tells him to do this, he goes, he forgives her, and you know what, he basically
talks kindly to her.
That's kind of the secret when you get over a fight, isn't that true with a husband and
a wife?
Because I mean, if you're still talking with a really loud voice and yelling, it's like,
okay, not ready to forgive yet, right?
Hosea though is actually ready, and you know what, he doesn't spend time saying you're
such a wicked person, no, he just forgives her, and they move on with it.
And look, I believe after this point, because the rest of the book is really about the nation
of Israel as a whole, I believe that they had a pretty solid marriage, okay, after this
point.
First Samuel 25, actually go to Ephesians 5, Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians chapter
5.
And so point number one is this, when it comes to being a husband, fundamental family tips,
the basics, you know what, you are the firm vessel, you are the stronger vessel in that
marriage.
You need to fellowship with your wife, you need to forgive your wife if something has
happened that made you mad.
And number four, your role as the head of that home needs to be fitting, okay, you need
to have a proper understanding of what it means to be the head of that household, okay.
Notice what it says in Ephesians 5, verse 22, one aspect are that husbands are the ultimate
final decision maker, if there's disagreements or situations, you are the head of the home.
Ephesians 5 verse 22, wives, submit yourselves on your own husbands as unto the Lord, for
the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he
is the savior of the body.
Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be their own husbands in
everything.
And see, the Bible says here in Ephesians 5 that wives are to submit themselves to their
own husbands.
It doesn't say ladies submit to every single guy in the world.
It said wives submit to your own husbands.
Look, I preach sermons, but here's the thing, I don't have the authority or the right to
boss you ladies around and tell you what to do.
Well, I'm a man, I get to tell you what to do, because I'm the head, no, no, no, I'm
the head of my home.
I'm not the head of every lady in this world, okay.
The Bible says don't tell the Lord over God's heritage, and look, sometimes pastors can
do that, they try to run people's lives outside the pulpit, you don't have that authority,
okay.
And look, wives are to submit to their husbands, their own husbands in the Lord, not to every
guy in the world, okay, but to their own husbands, okay.
But I want you to realize something.
This does not say, well, the reason why wives should submit is because husbands are better
than wives.
Did it say that husbands are better?
Did it say that husbands are smarter than their wives?
I didn't read that.
All it said was husbands are the head, okay.
You say, why is that?
Well, somebody has to be the head.
You can't have two people that are co-ruling, it's just not gonna work.
There ultimately has to be one person who's in charge.
You say, why, Brother Stuckey?
Well, let's say, for example, that this church was run by like five people kind of co-running
it, just equally.
And then one person says, okay, it's my turn to preach, I'm gonna get up and preach on
the preacher of rapture.
It's like, well, there's a problem with that.
We don't believe in the preacher of rapture.
We believe after means after.
So after the tribulation means after the tribulation, okay.
So there's a problem because I would get up and preach the opposite, right.
Now here's the thing, if somebody gets preached and they said something like that, that was
just way off the rails of what we believe, then I would get up here afterwards and say,
no, that's not right, okay.
But I want you to realize that if you had multiple people running it, it would be chaos.
Why?
No two people agree 100% on everything.
You will never find two people that you go to a million different situations and they
agree 100% on everything.
So you must have an ultimate decision maker.
And in marriage, it's the husbands.
That's what the Bible teaches.
That doesn't mean that husbands are smarter than their wives, though.
It doesn't mean that they're better.
It just means that they are the head of that marriage.
Now go to 1 Samuel 25, 1 Samuel 25.
Now you say, Brother Stuckey, I'm a husband, you know, you need to preach stronger on women
submitting.
Look, the sermon on wives is next week, okay.
Today's sermon is about husbands, okay.
And so today's sermon is basically showing us as guys that we need to understand what
it means to be the head of the home.
And it doesn't mean that you just sit around every day and just, you know, yell at your
wife and say, that's wrong, that's wrong, that's wrong.
You know, if you try that strategy, you're not going to be doing a good job running that
home.
Yes, you're the ultimate decision maker, but that doesn't mean that you get to be a jerk.
Think about companies.
I've had a lot of bosses in my life, and you know what, some bosses were nice bosses.
Some bosses were good bosses.
And when you have a good boss, don't you want to work hard for that boss and do a good job
for them?
But what if you have a boss that's always yelling at you, right?
And I had a job where, you know, I had like two month break between changing jobs, and
I thought I was going to be able to start immediately, but I had to pass a government
clearance test.
So I had like eight weeks off.
So I was just like, I'm going to work somewhere and make some money.
So I worked at a carwash for eight weeks.
And look, you know, I don't know about what they pay here.
But I mean, in the US, it's minimum wage, so it's not a whole lot of money.
And so most people don't really take their jobs that seriously.
Now I believe you ought to take every job you have seriously, okay.
But what I was doing was I was on top of a ladder, okay, in the middle of the summer.
And you know, the temperature, I always have to convert from Fahrenheit, from Celsius to
Fahrenheit.
It's probably 45 degrees Celsius, 45 degrees Celsius.
And I'm up on top of a ladder for a couple hours at a time.
And so look, sweat is just pouring off my body.
And my boss, every time one piece of paint fell and hit the ground, I'm on top of a ladder
that wasn't even that sturdy.
I'm like 12 feet in the air and everything like that, 45 degrees Celsius, pouring sweat.
And then one drop of paint hits the ground, and he's like screaming at me.
It's like, that was not a fun boss to work for.
But I will tell you this, I'm thankful I had that boss because every single other job I've
had since then, I'm like, hey, you know what, it's better than that job, right?
You know, work the tough jobs when you're young, it teaches you, right?
And so, but what I want you to understand is this, where was I going with that?
Okay, well, we're here in First Samuel 25, First Samuel 25.
Here's what I'm saying.
If you want your wife to be a good wife, you're not going to be that boss that's a jerk.
You're actually going to care about your wife, right?
Look, if a boss cares about his employees, that employee will work extra hard for his
boss, because he likes his boss.
And look, I've had bosses that weren't saved that I liked, they're nice people.
And I tried to do above and beyond because I was just like, I like my boss, he's a friendly
guy, he's nice to me.
I tried to work hard to please my boss, okay?
Look, as a husband, you know, if you're going to be successful, you know what, yes, you're
the head of the home, but you also lay down your life as Christ did for the church, the
Bible says, okay?
First Samuel 25.
Here's an example where, as we're talking about making decisions that sometimes wives
can have better ideas and better advice than the husbands, okay?
And I'll quickly rush through this for sake of time.
But notice First Samuel 25 verse 10, and Nabal answered David's servant and said, who is
David and who is the son of Jesse?
There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master.
So I then take away my bread and my water and my flesh that I've killed for my shearers
and given on to men whom I know not whence they be.
So David's young men turned their way and went again and came and told him all those
sayings.
Now look, Nabal is not a good person.
And look, Nabal is a liar.
He says many people have broken away from their master.
Oh, really?
There are many people that they wrote songs about and sung, Saul hath slain his thousands,
but David, he's 10,000.
And you're going to tell me you don't know who David was?
David was a rock star.
David killed Goliath.
Everybody knows who he is, right?
I mean, imagine if our country was at war with another country, and there's this one
person nobody would kill, and you're the person who killed them, right?
You killed the big bad wolf, right?
Everyone's going to know you.
And they did.
They sung songs about him.
And look, the song wasn't even really true because he didn't kill 10,000.
But you know, he was such a famous person there that they're just kind of praising him.
Look, Nabal knows who David is.
There's many people that break.
Well, there's not many people that have killed Goliath, though, that people sing songs about.
Okay.
Now, the story goes on and on.
But notice what it says in verse 13.
I'll just quickly read through this.
And David said unto his men, Gird he on every man his sword, and they girded on every man
his sword.
And David also girded on his sword, and there went up after David about 400 men and 200
abode by the stuff.
So basically, David's plan is, you know what, I'm just going to kill every single one of
them.
He was bastos to me.
I'm just going to kill him, right?
Is that the right strategy?
Here's a man who has lost control of his emotions.
Now, look, I've heard this before just in the secular world, and it seems to logically
make sense to me that when it comes to ladies, they are usually mixing in logic and emotion
with every decision they make.
Whereas with men, it's kind of like one or the other.
Men can be, like, all logical, just like it's a math problem.
Let's just look at the facts.
Or they get all emotional.
And isn't it true that when guys end up losing their temper, it's like they lose complete
control of their logic and everything, right?
Well, this is David in this situation.
He has completely lost control of his emotions.
And look, if he kills people, although they're wicked, although they're bastos, not all of
them are, and he will be held accountable for it because you don't have justification
to do that.
So Abigail basically comes up with this plan, and she's married to this wicked person, Nabal.
But I want you to notice here in verse number...one second.
Verse number 28, actually verse 32, verse 32.
Verse 32, and David said to Abigail, after everything's happened, blessed be the Lord
God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me, and blessed be thy advice, and blessed
be thou which has kept me this day from coming to shed blood and from avenging myself with
mine own hand.
And he says, blessed be thy advice.
You know what he says?
Abigail gave good advice, and he would have ruined his life if it weren't for that advice.
You know, sometimes women have better ideas and better advice than men.
Sometimes our wives have better advice and information in situations and ideas than us.
Just because we're the ultimate decision maker, that doesn't mean that we're always
right in the decisions we make.
Now we do make the ultimate decision, but if we're smart as husbands, especially on
big situations, maybe talk to your wives to get some advice about situations.
Now yes, you make the ultimate decision.
I'm not saying that she's going to be the head of the home.
What I am saying though is that sometimes your wife has better advice than you.
Now turn to Proverbs 31.
We'll close up here in Proverbs 31.
So this idea of being the head of the home, yes, this is what the Bible teaches.
And look, next week I'll focus more on the fact that yes, wives are to submit to their
husbands as it is fit in the Lord, as long as the husbands are not asking them to commit
a sin.
However, don't get this idea guys that, wow, I'm just so much smarter than my wife and
I'm always right.
And she's Bobo.
She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Actually, you might want to give advice from her from time to time because there's probably
going to be a lot of stuff that she could actually help you out with in life.
And look, as the Bible said, as we saw at the beginning, you're supposed to be heirs
together.
You're serving God together.
Here's an example in Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman and notice what it says in
verse 16.
She considerth a field and buyeth it.
With the fruit of her hands, she planteth a vineyard.
So it says about the virtuous woman that she considers a field, basically a lot of land,
and she buys it.
Now look, I believe that obviously her husband is aware that she's going to be doing this,
like she's going to be looking for a place because the reality is this, if I came home
from work and my wife's like, yeah, you know what?
I bought a lot of land and over the next 20 years we're going to be paying 5000 pesos
per month and I'd be kind of mad you just spend like a ton of money and didn't ask me
about it.
I don't think that's what this woman is doing.
I don't think it's like he comes home, hey, I just bought a brand new car.
It's just like, you know, we didn't need a car.
It's like that's a lot of money that you just spent.
No, but what I think is that the husband's a smart husband and basically he trusts his
wife.
He knows she's intelligent.
She's wise.
Sometimes she has good ideas and thoughts.
And basically he trusts her with that investment and says, you know what, maybe this is how
much money we could spend, find the best field.
And she considers it with her own mind and then she buys it.
Obviously that's underneath the authority of the husband giving her that authority.
But what I'm showing you is this.
He trusts her because she actually knows what she's doing.
Okay, look, as husbands, yes, we are the head of the home, but don't go crazy about this.
Don't have this idea that just men are just better than women.
And look, that's what evolution teaches.
Did you know that?
Evolution teaches that men are better than women.
And it also teaches that I'm better than everybody in this room except maybe brother Mateus.
It's because white people are better than anyone.
That's what evolution teaches, right?
I'm more evolved than you according to what evolution teaches.
And men, I mean, cause here's the thing, I've read a large part of Charles Darwin's book,
The Origin of Species, and here's the whole title of that book.
This is a big rabbit trail, right?
It's the origin of species because back then books had really long titles.
They have just kind of a snippet, the origin of species or the preservation of favored
races in the means and struggle for survival or something like that, right?
Of favored races.
What was he saying?
He's saying white people are better than non white people.
And in his books, he taught that men are smarter and more evolved than women.
And look, here's the thing.
It's funny because the world criticizes us for being sexist.
But that's what the world teaches.
That's what evolution teaches.
That's not what we teach, right?
I believe that women are just as intelligent.
And if we are smart as guys, yes, we're the head of the home, but you know what?
We will get advice from our wives, especially on big decisions.
So what do we see here today for husbands?
Number one, we are the firm vessel in that marriage.
Number two, we need to fellowship.
We need to get to know our wives.
We need to talk to our wives.
We need to spend time with them.
Here's what that means.
I understand that before you're married, you listen to YouTube for hours and hours
of all these sermons.
Once you're married, when you come home from work, you spend time with your family, right?
And especially if you have a good church.
I understand if you don't have a great church, you listen for hours and hours.
But when you have a good church, you know, honestly, there are other things you can do
with your time that are actually more important than just listening to every single sermon
that comes out, especially if you have a family, okay?
You fellowship with your wife.
You forgive if they do something that makes you upset.
And this idea of the head of the home, it needs to be fitting.
Yes, you are the head of the home.
But you know what?
If you're smart, you're going to lay down your life for your wife, as the Bible says.
Let's close in word of prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us to be here today and to just get to see
these words on being a good husband and help all of us, including myself, apply this to
our lives.
Obviously, I'm not claiming I'm a perfect husband.
I have a lot of work to do.
But God, help all of us men here in this room.
Help us at our husbands to become better husbands and to love our wives and to fill our roles
as the Bible teaches.
We pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.