Genesis chapter 2, and we're going to be finishing up our series on fundamental family tips here
today, and it's been a long series, this is the tenth sermon in the series, and I know
sometimes we're excited about the sermons against repentance and stuff like that, but
we need kind of the practical sermons as well, and what we're going to talk about is the
extended family here today.
And so kind of a goal when you do a sermon series is you want to kind of cover all avenues.
And so we've covered in depth kind of all, it's kind of the extended family, and what
I mean by that is you're not the husband or the wife in the marriage, but you're a relative
of some sort.
It might be like the grandparents, or the cousins, or the aunts, or the uncles, you're
kind of the extended family, okay?
Now this sermon is not only for the extended family themselves, but also for us that are
married husband and wife that we understand the role of the extended family, okay?
So point number one, as we're looking at three things not to do as the extended family
is this, number one being bossy, okay?
That's one thing you do not want to do as the extended family.
Genesis 2 verse 24, notice what the Bible reads, Genesis 2 verse 24, therefore shall
a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave onto his wife, and they shall
be one flesh.
If there's one verse that really kind of sums up this entire sermon series, this is probably
understanding the principle that when a husband and wife get married, they become one flesh.
That's gonna help us understand all of the sermons in the series and help guide our thinking
on all of these things, but the husband and the wife, they become one, they are now one
flesh, okay?
Go to Ruth chapter four, Ruth four, Ruth chapter four.
When it comes to being bossy, one aspect of that is spending too much time with that
family, right?
I have relatives in the US, and I've heard various stories, and in case any of them hear
the sermons, I'm not gonna name who I'm referring to, but just how sometimes you have a lot
of relatives that live in a close proximity with one another, they live in the same neighborhood
or the same small city and everything, and of course when you have family, you love family,
you've known them your whole life, but I just know cases of people that I know that
are in my family, relatives, and they'd have another relative just not tell them that they're
coming over and just knock on the door, and it's just like, you know, it's kind of a bit
of an intrusion where they're basically kind of busy, they have plans for that day, and
they kind of have to set aside everything because there's unexpected visitors.
Now of course they love those visitors, but at the same time, you know, from what I've
heard, it's just like sometimes it's just a little bit overwhelming.
It's just like too much because obviously if you're a husband and wife and you have
a new marriage, you know, you have certain things that you're doing, right?
You might not necessarily have the free time all the time to have your family there the
whole time.
Now one good example of this in the Bible is Naomi.
Naomi does a great job of not spending too much time or being, you know, too overbearing
with time.
Notice what it says here in Ruth 4 verse 13.
So Boaz took Ruth and she was his wife, and when he went in under her, the Lord gave her
conception and she bare a son, okay?
Now this is kind of the culmination of this story because if you remember with the story
of Ruth, you have Naomi that has her husband Olimilek take her to Moab to a foreign land
where he basically takes them out of the will of God, and then the husband Olimilek dies,
the sons die, and then all of a sudden you have Naomi kind of left in a foreign land
with no real relatives, just kind of on our own in a wicked land.
And one of her daughter-in-laws, Ruth, decides to follow Naomi for the purposes of serving
God and going back amongst God's people, okay?
Orpah decides not to.
Whether or not Orpah is saved, it's kind of a matter of opinion.
The Bible doesn't specifically state, I would say she probably was, but she just chose not
to follow Naomi back into, you know, God's people and living for God, right?
And so in this story, picture yourself being Naomi.
You've lost your husband, you've lost your children, the only one you have is your daughter-in-law,
right?
The only one she has is Ruth.
Now look, when it comes to this aspect of being the extended family, and look, I'm not
really in this situation so much yet, right?
One day my son's going to grow up and he's going to get married and I'll be in that situation.
And I'm not sitting here saying I'm going to be perfect in these things because the
Bible says, let not him that girdeth on his harness boast himself as he that putteth it
off.
Meaning if you're just going into battle or you haven't gone yet, don't act like you got
it all figured out, you're going to be perfect.
No, I mean all of us are going to make mistakes, right?
But what you see with Naomi is this, she obviously loves her daughter-in-law and that's all she
has and you can see why she might have this attitude of I just want to keep her to myself,
I don't want her to get married because she's all I have and I'll have nobody left.
But is that what you see with Naomi in the Bible or does Naomi try to help Ruth find
a husband?
She does everything she can to help her find a husband.
You say why?
She understood the principle that other people are more important than myself.
And see, Naomi understood, you know what, Ruth is more important than me, I'm going
to value her and help her in her future.
It didn't work out for me, but I wanted to work out for Ruth, okay?
And so Naomi does a great job, notice the reaction here in verse 14 after all this happens.
And the women said unto Naomi, Blessed be the Lord which hath not left thee this day
without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel.
And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age.
For thy daughter-in-law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath
borne him.
And Naomi took the child, and laid it under bosom, and became nurse unto it.
And so Naomi actually nurses the child, it says in this story.
And what you're seeing here at the end is Naomi still has a large part of her daughter-in-law's
life, right?
She's in her daughter-in-law's life because of the fact she's not trying to be overbearing
with time, and the result is she gets to spend time with her kids and her grandkids, right?
And so what we're seeing is this, that if we do a good job with this, then of course
that husband and wife is going to want the family in their lives.
You say why?
Because relatives can be a huge blessing to you.
I mean, when you're married and you have new kids, look, you don't know what's going on,
right?
Everything's new to you.
And everything's stressful, and you're tired, and you're afraid you might mess up.
Look, relatives can be a huge blessing to that new marriage, there's no question about
that.
Go to Judges chapter 19.
Judges 19.
We also need to remember this, that the Bible says when you first get married, the principle
in the Bible is that if there's a man, he does not go off to war for a year.
He's there with his wife.
And you say, why is that?
Well, because when you're newly married, you don't really know your spouse.
You say, brother Stuckey, I thought when you got married you knew everything about your
spouse already.
Well, you're single if you're thinking that.
That's not the way it works.
And you know, during that first year, the husband and wife really need to be around
each other so they get to know each other, and they can work through problems they're
going to have in their marriage, right?
Because they're getting to know somebody, and they might know them in terms of having
fun and hanging out, but you know, when you're around somebody 24-7, right, all day, all
the time, you're going to start seeing, oh, okay, there's other things I didn't know about
them, right?
Look, everybody acts their best when they're on a date night, right?
Everybody, but you know, once you're around them all the time, you're going to start seeing
flaws in the person you're married to, and they're going to start seeing flaws in you.
You say, why?
Well, because we're not perfect.
We make mistakes.
And so you need to be around your spouse a lot when you first get married.
That's the principle we see in the Bible.
So a good example is Naomi, because you know what?
She obviously loves her daughter-in-law and wants to spend lots of time, but basically
she kind of gives that household the opportunity to make that sort of decision of how much
time to spend, right?
Another example, a bad example is Judges chapter 19.
Judges 19.
Notice what it says in verse 1.
And it came to pass in those days when there was no king in Israel, that there was a certain
Levite sojointing on the side of Mount Ephraim who took to him a concubine out of Bethlehem,
Judah.
Now in Judges chapter 19, it constantly will talk about there's no king in Israel, okay?
And what you see at the end of Judges is the most disturbing chapters in the entire Bible.
Judges 19 is the worst, but all of those chapters are terrible.
And what the Bible is showing you is this, that if there is no rules and no authority,
there's going to be a lot of sin.
And doesn't that just make common sense?
I mean, if you have kids and you have no rules for them whatsoever, they can do whatever
they want.
Do you know what they're going to do?
They're going to eat chips and ice cream till midnight, right, and fall asleep and their
face is a mess and everything like that.
That's what kids will do.
They need rules to guide them.
And here's the thing, even if there's a government that's corrupt, it's better to have a corrupt
government than no government.
That's reality.
Because if there is no king, if there's no authority, no rules whatsoever, every man
does that which is right in his own eyes, the Bible says.
Anyone, if we do what's right in our own eyes, it's going to be a disturbing world, my friend.
The Bible says there is a way which seemeth right onto a man, but the end thereof are
the ways of death.
So what the Bible is teaching us at the end of Judges is if there is no authority and
no rule, it's going to be a madhouse.
It's going to be crazy.
And look, Judges 19 is really between Judges 17 and 21 where you've got those statements
that kind of bookend this part.
Judges 19 is the most disturbing chapter in the Bible, no question about it.
Worse than Genesis 19, in my opinion, to be honest.
Verse 2, and his concubine played the horn against him and went away from him onto a
father's house to bed for him, Judah, and was there four whole months.
So this man is married to this woman.
That's his concubine, which is basically his barn maid that becomes his wife, right?
I've talked about that before.
And she cheats on him.
She plays the horn against him, and she goes to her father's house for four months.
She's got a marriage, and then the wife cheats on the husband, and she's gone for four months.
Now look, we don't know how good of a husband her husband was, but look, obviously the wife
is wrong by committing adultery and then leaving her husband for four months.
Now realize, this is the days where there is no cell phone.
You know, you can't call and find out, hey, where are you?
Let's make things right.
She's basically gone.
I would assume he's probably thinking, man, she's going to come back.
We're going to try to work through this, but she's gone for four months.
So realize, you know, he's got a job.
He can't necessarily just kind of take off and search for his wife for months because
he's got to provide financially for himself, right?
So being gone for four months, she's just gone.
She leaves the household, and then notice this in verse three, and her husband arose.
So right there, you know, a concubine is a wife because it's her husband, according to
verse three, and her husband arose and went after her, and he was a jerk to her.
Is that what it says?
No, it says to speak friendly onto her.
You say, why?
Well, he loved his wife.
Kind of the proof of it is that he left to search for her, right?
He goes and he speaks friendly onto her, and look, I don't know how I'd react in this situation.
I mean, if my wife committed adultery and left the household, you know, I don't know
if I'd act friendly or speak friendly onto her, but he does speak friendly, and that
kind of shows that he's, you know, got the proper mindset, and he loves his wife.
He cares about her.
He speaks friendly onto her and to bring her again.
So he's planning to bring her home, their husband and wife, having his servant with
him, and a couple of asses.
And she brought him into her father's house, and when the father of the damsel saw him,
notice this, he rejoiced to meet him.
So here's the thing.
Does this father-in-law love his son-in-law?
Yes, he does.
He's happy, right?
He's glad to see his son-in-law because he wants them to reunite, and here's the thing.
You see this man who loves his daughter, loves his son-in-law, and when it comes to
our relatives, you know what?
They love us.
When it comes to our parents or grandparents or aunts and uncles, look, they love us.
They care about us, okay?
He loves his daughter, but here's the thing.
He doesn't do the right thing.
Because she's with him for four months, he should have told her, hey, go back to your
husband and work things out, right?
I mean, he loves his daughter, but here's the thing.
It's not right for your daughter to leave their household and be gone for four months.
He should have said, hey, you know what?
You need to work things out.
Or he said, you know what?
You're going to come with me.
You're going to go back to your husband.
When you get married, to death do us part.
You're going to get it forever.
It's time to work things out.
That's what her father should have done, but he doesn't do that, right?
Now, he loves his daughter and his son-in-law, but he does the wrong thing here, okay?
They notice this in verse 4.
And his father-in-law, the damsel's father, retained him, and he abode with him three
days, so they would eat and drink and lodge there.
So, this man, he basically has his vacation of just being with his father-in-law, and
just he speaks friendly onto her, let's make things right, and, you know, just settle things,
and then we're going to go back home.
So, basically, for three days, he stays there, gets to eat, he has lodging.
But then after that amount of time, it's time to go home to your own family, right,
and provide for your family.
So, three days are gone by.
Notice this in verse number 5.
And it came to pass on the fourth day when they arose early in the morning, because here's
the thing, if you're going on a long journey, you're going to arise early in the morning.
You're going to leave early in the morning, right?
Right when it gets light outside, you're going to leave, okay?
Then he rose up to the part.
So, the husband and wife plan, you know, we're going to head out now, and the damsel's father
said under his son-in-law, comfort thine heart with a morsel of bread, and afterward
go your way.
So, he's saying, just stay with me for breakfast, or stay for breakfast and lunch, and then
head home, okay?
And he sat down and did eat and drink, both of them together, for the damsel's father
had said unto the man, be content, I pray to you, and tarry all night, and let that
heart be merry.
So, he says, just let one more day go by.
I mean, here's the problem, that man has a job that he's got to do, right?
So, three days are gone, a fourth day gone, I mean, and we don't know how long the journey
is, but if you need to leave early in the morning to get somewhere, it means it's a
long journey.
It means it's not just 30 minutes away, right?
I mean, look, if you've only got an hour travel, you're not going to rise up at 5.30 in the
morning and say, let's go, right?
Probably going to wait until 7.30, 8, 9, whatever, right?
But the rise of early in the morning, it's obviously a long journey, okay?
And all of a sudden, it's getting towards evening, well, you're not going to travel
through the night, because that's not going to be all that safe, right?
And so, what we're seeing in this story is his father-in-law loves his son-in-law, he
loves his daughter, but you know what, he's sort of infringing on their time, because
the husband and wife are saying, hey, we need to get home, we need to be and have our own
household, and his father-in-law loves his son-in-law, but here's the thing, you know
what, it's just too much time, it's just too overbearing, they need to go on with their
lives, right?
Look at verse 7.
He's not spending too much time, and another thing is being too pushy, okay, being too
pushy.
Verse 7.
And when the man rose up to the part, his father-in-law urged him, therefore he lodged
there again.
So, here's the thing, the reason why he stays there another night, a fifth night, is this,
because his father-in-law urges him.
He sort of feels obligated, right, and he's like, man, I really need to go, but his father-in-law
says, just stay, and it's like, okay, I'll stay, right?
They're being a little bit overbearing with the time, they're being a little bit too pushy,
because that's not what the husband and wife had decided to do.
Verse 8.
And he rose early in the morning on the fifth day to depart, and the damsel's father said,
comfort thine heart, I pray thee, and they tarried until afternoon, and they did eat
both of them.
So, all of a sudden, we're going through the fifth day here, and it's already afternoon,
and it's just like, at this point, it's like, if you stay one more night, then it's like,
you've got five whole days gone, you've already got four days gone, and now you've got four
and a half days gone, and it's like, you know, that's a lot of time that's going by.
I don't know if he's, the man's thinking that if we leave here in the afternoon, I can make
it through before you go to sleep, and I can wake up and get started with work, but basically,
four and a half days are gone, okay?
That's a lot of time, okay?
And the damsel's father said, in verse 8, comfort thine heart, I pray thee, and they
tarried until afternoon, and they did eat both of them.
And when the man rose up to depart, he and his concubine and his servant, his father-in-law,
the damsel's father, said unto him, Behold now, the day draweth toward evening.
I pray thee, till all night, behold, the day groweth to an end.
Right, so three days have gone by, and that was okay, he's making things right with his
wife, and they're settling things, they're gonna go back home, and then kind of the fourth
day ends up happening, and he's ready to go, and now it's like a fifth day's happening.
And here's the thing, if this fifth day goes by, do you know what's probably gonna happen
the next day?
No, just stay for breakfast, right?
I got some pandesal on the way, let's have some coffee, pandesal and everything, and
then all of a sudden it's afternoon, same thing over and over again, right?
And then, I mean, just move here, right?
Just relocate, change your job, or whatever, right?
And so, here's a reaction in verse number 10.
But the man would not tarry that night, but he rose up and departed, and came over against
Jebus, which is Jerusalem, and there with him, two asses saddled, his concubine also
with him.
And so, besides, you know, we cannot stay another night, I need to get back home, you
know, we need to get back with our lives and everything like that.
And so, what we're seeing in this story is a father-in-law that loves his daughter, and
loves his son-in-law, there's no question about that.
And look, I can pretty much guarantee you that, you know, your extended family, especially
your parents on both sides of the marriage, they love you, right, they care about you.
And of course, they want to spend time with you.
I'm sure that as my kids get older, I'm going to want to spend a lot of time with them and
be involved in their lives, but we need to understand something that when it comes to
kind of pushing our values on our kids or extended family, we need to be careful because
of the fact they might have different ideas than us.
One example of this, because we've got a lot of people here who have different parents
with different backgrounds, some of us have Catholic relatives, some have Baptist relatives,
some have different sorts of relatives, right?
But I want you to realize this, that for most of us, with the things that we believe, we
would probably make some different choices than what some other people do, right?
Like, I love my parents and everything, but when it comes to some things, you know what,
I just have a different view on raising my kids in some areas than they did.
Now, here's the thing, my parents did a great job raising me, but when it comes to certain
things, especially medical sort of advice, or when it comes to the idea of just various
sorts of things, I just have kind of a different idea than them.
And I want you to realize this, that when we're training our kids growing up, if we
train them correctly, when they grow old, they won't depart from it, okay?
But, you know, the best time you can kind of show your values and beliefs to your kids
is when they're young.
And once they get older, they're going to start to have a mind for themselves and they
might look at things differently.
My sons at the age right now will ask me, Dad, what are you doing?
Mom, what are you doing?
And then it's like, well, I'm reading the Bible.
Now, here's the thing, in three months, it's going to go from what are you doing, Dad,
to why are you doing that, right?
And I'm going to tell them, you know, why I'm doing this.
And what you're seeing when kids grow up is they're trying to understand things, and then
what's going to happen is they start to think for themselves.
I'll explain why, but here's the thing.
As my son gets older, he's going to have a mind for himself, right?
And he's going to come to his conclusions on certain things based on his mind and his
logic and his understanding and everything.
And the reality is, when my son gets older, there are going to be some things he disagrees
with me on.
There are going to be some things where he has a different idea than me, but here's the
thing.
My way to teach him is when he's 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 years old.
But when he's 22 years old, he's probably made up his own mind with the sorts of things
that he believes, right?
That's reality.
Now, of course, all of us want our kids to be just like us, right?
I mean, I've already got my son's life planned out.
I'll be honest with you.
My son, you know, we have the perspective that we'll probably send him to college and
probably get an accountancy degree, and he'll become either a CPA or an actuary.
That's my plan for my son.
But he could go up and say, Dad, I hate math.
And I just came back, oh, you hate math?
What?
Right?
I mean, he might not be just like me.
And, you know, he might have different ideas and different perspectives, and you're like,
that's okay.
Because here's the thing.
You know, we're not going to be able to hold our kids' hands when they're 35 years old
and make all of their choices in life.
We need them to have a mind for themselves, to think for themselves and make decisions.
We show them the word of God.
We show them we love them.
We teach them what we believe, and we tell them to base your beliefs on what the Bible
says.
But the reality is there will be some areas that they just look at things a little bit
differently.
Even in this room, we don't all agree on everything.
There are some topics where we have a different opinion.
You know, as I just said, we'll probably send our son to college.
Some of you think, man, that's worldly.
That's wrong.
That's fine.
It's okay for you to have that perspective.
You might have a different opinion than me, and that's fine.
We all have different kids that we raise, and we have different opinions about certain
things, right?
We make various different decisions, and we need to avoid this attitude of thinking everybody
here has to believe the exact same thing on everything.
We're not going to believe the exact same things on everything.
I mean, I have many friends of mine that are in the ministry, and sometimes I hear them
preach things, and I'm just thinking, I don't agree with them on that.
I just have a different perspective on an interpretation of a verse or just an application
in a modern world of how I would apply certain things, and we just have different perspectives
on things.
And you know what?
That's okay.
It's okay for people to have different decisions.
Why?
Because of the fact we all have our own mind, and we're trying to teach people to base your
beliefs on the Bible.
And if somebody's saved with the Spirit of God inside of them, and you teach them to
base their beliefs on the Bible, you know what?
They're going to come to good conclusions in life if they're basing it on the Word
of God.
That's what we need to teach our kids.
I remember I was in school one time in high school, and I was very, very behaved in school.
The only class I ever got in trouble in was math class.
And yet I learned why later on when I was a math teacher, because what I noticed was
there was kind of two groups of troublemakers in my classes that I taught, the kids that
didn't understand anything, and the kids that thought it was really easy.
Because the people in the middle, they were trying to learn, they found it interesting,
but the kids that didn't understand, they were frustrated.
And then the kids that maybe they picked up on it earlier, they were sort of frustrated
as well.
I didn't ask Brother Chris, but I'm sure he has probably the same sort of perspective,
right?
And so in other classes, it wasn't easy for me.
I had to work hard, but math was just my subject that I was pretty good at.
And so I remember I had a high school class, and I took a test and everything, and I got
my test back, and it said B on it.
And I was just like, and I looked at the test, and I got every question right.
And I asked the teacher, I was like, how did I get a B?
And she marked off on a question, and I was like, I showed all my work.
She's like, that's not how you taught it in class.
And I was just like, I had the right answer.
I have all my work to prove like I had the right answer, because the truth is, I really
didn't pay much attention in math class.
And I saw a problem, and I just kind of, because you know with math, there's many ways to solve
a problem.
Isn't that true?
And here's the thing about this.
You know, that's good if people have their own mind to figure out solutions to things
like that.
And you know, when our kids grow up, they're going to form conclusions based on different
things.
They might not all come to the exact same thing.
See, the world wants people to follow this exact pattern, do exactly like everybody else.
That's not really God's perspective though, right?
People have their own mind, and they need to form their own beliefs.
Now turn in your Bible back to Genesis 2.
Genesis 2.
So when it comes to certain topics, you know, many of you in this room, and this is your
own idea of what you do.
I'm not going to sit here and preach a whole sermon on this.
You know, I've listened to sermons.
I haven't preached...
Well, I did preach a whole sermon.
We didn't live stream it because, you know, various reasons.
But it's like one of the big things is like, you know, this medical stuff with vaccines
that are coming out now.
Now, many of us in this room would...
In fact, I've got this story I almost forgot from the weekend, right?
I took my kids out for a walk.
You know, we were actually down in Pampanga for a couple of days, you know, there on Thursday
and Friday before we had the Sony event on Saturday.
And I took my kids out for a walk, and you know, these three ladies stopped me, and they
said, excuse me, sir, have your kids had the measles vaccine?
And I guess my wife said, they'll just vaccinate you on the spot.
It's like...
And I said, well, actually, I don't believe in vaccines, right?
The Bible says, they let behold me not a physician, but they that are sick.
So I said, you know, I own survival.
You know, my kids are healthy.
No need for a vaccine, right?
And they're kind of like, oh, okay, sir.
And I thought to myself, I've got to be more careful, right?
And I just got to train myself to just say, oh, I don't like doing surveys, right?
Because you never know where you say something and somebody, you know, could use it against
you or whatever like that.
But it's like when it comes to a topic like that, many of us have different opinions than
maybe what our parents might have.
I mean, I got vaccinated when I was a kid, right?
When I was a kid, there was probably like eight vaccines, and now there's like 800 vaccines.
So even my parents are just like, you know, yeah, we wouldn't have vaccinated you for
all this stuff.
That's too dangerous, right?
They draw a line.
It's like, well, that's way too much stuff, right?
But, you know, I'm just saying, you know, you might have a different opinion about public
school versus homeschooling as maybe your parents do.
And here's the thing.
If you're in the extended family, you have to let the husband and wife make those decisions.
And as the husband and wife, you have to decide what you believe and make the decisions you
believe are right, okay?
Genesis chapter 2, let's look at this verse again.
Point number one is being too bossy.
That's one thing you want to avoid if you're part of the extended family.
Another thing is this.
You want to avoid breaking the unity of marriage, right?
Breaking the unity of marriage.
Genesis 2 verse 24.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave on to his wife,
and they shall be one flesh.
Look, when people get married, they are one flesh.
And one thing you don't want to do is pit the husband and wife against each other, right?
That's something that's a very dangerous thing to do because they need to be on the same
page.
Even if they make wrong choices, they need to be on the same page with stuff, right?
Now, turn your Bible to Ephesians chapter 5.
Ephesians 5.
Ephesians chapter 5.
Ephesians 5 verse 31.
And look, we need to understand something, you know, and I'm not at the stage.
I'm sure when I get older, you know, this is a sermon I'll probably need to listen to
because my kids, I'll maybe try to tell them my opinion on a lot of things or maybe I'm
going a little bit overboard.
But I think we need to all remember this, that when a husband and a wife get married,
they're going to make a lot of mistakes.
When they're raising their kids, they will make a lot of mistakes.
Brother Stocky, you and Sister Tan, you do everything perfect, not at all.
If you came here because you're listening to someone who's perfect, well, you're listening
to the wrong person, right?
It's like, no, we're going to make a lot of mistakes.
And here's the thing about this.
You learn through trial and error and then you're like, if I could go back in time, I
would have done this differently.
But here's the thing, that next generation that comes up, you can't cause them to avoid
all of the mistakes they're going to make.
But you can give them various wisdom as they're growing up, but when they get older and they
go into those situations, they're going to make a lot of the same mistakes maybe you
did, right?
It's just the way it works.
We learn through trial and error.
That's how we understand things.
That's how we learn things, right?
You know, even when I preach sermons, especially about the family, what probably takes place
is you hear it, you're like, that makes sense.
And then all of a sudden you start making mistakes, you're like, okay, all right, now
you're learning to apply this stuff, right?
Including myself also, right?
Because we're going to make mistakes.
We're not going to be perfect.
And we don't have to try to make sure our kids never make mistakes, right?
They're going to make mistakes as adults.
As a husband and wife, they're going to learn through those mistakes, okay?
Ephesians 5 verse 31, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall
be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church.
Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular, so love his wife, even as himself, and the
wife see that she reverenced her husband.
And the Bible quotes from Genesis and it talks about the importance of a husband and wife,
you know, being one flesh, okay?
Go to Judges chapter 14.
Judges 14.
And in Judges 14, we're going to see an example where the in-laws on both sides just really
screw this up.
I mean, the husband screws it up, the wife screws it up, the in-law screw it up.
It's like Samson.
It's like, you know, I don't want you to hurt me, but let me try to give you some advice,
all right?
It's like, you know, because you're really going to make some mistakes in your life, right?
You know, Samson was obviously a mighty man of God.
He did a lot of great things and he's an example of how someone can do great things and really
make a lot of sins and mistakes in their lives, right?
Judges 14 verse 12, Genesis.
And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you.
If you can certainly declare me within the seven days of the feast and find it out, then
I will give you 30 sheets and 30 changes of garments.
Now, during this time period, clothing was a precious commodity.
Nowadays, you can buy clothing for a pretty cheap price.
It's not that expensive, but back then, this was very valuable, right?
It would take a lot of time and effort, and time and effort equals money, so the cost
is going to be higher.
So 30 changes of garments, I mean, it's a pretty big bet.
You know, this is what people do when they don't have sports to bet on, right?
They just make riddles and make bets, right?
And it says here in verse 13, but if you cannot declare me, then shall you give me 30 sheets
and 30 change of garments.
And they said unto him, put forth thy riddle that we may hear it.
And he said unto them, out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth
sweetness, and they could not in three days expound the riddle.
And so seven days have gone by, they haven't figured it out, they're failing at this, they
want to figure it out.
Verse 15, and it came to pass on the seventh day that they said unto Samson's wife, entice
thy husband that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee in thy father's
house with fire.
Have you called us to take that we have?
Is it not so?
So if the people who Samson's doing the riddle with say to his wife, if you don't tell us
the answer, we're going to burn down your father's house.
Now, I'm not preaching a sermon about gambling, but does this not show you the foolishness
with gambling?
I mean, people go to casinos, and you say, why do casinos exist?
The love of money?
The love of money is the root of all evil.
Because you have casinos, many people destroy their entire lives.
I mean, the suicide rates are out of control at casinos.
Because people just, they start losing money, they start doubling their bets, hoping to
make it back, and then before the end of the day, it's like 250,000 pesos.
I mean, only two hours have gone by, and they just threw away all their money.
And it caused people to get depressed, and they're drinking, and doing these things,
and people often commit suicide.
That's why they won't even show suicide rates.
Now, I don't know about here in the Philippines, but I know in the US, they're very secretive,
you know, about suicide rates and people dying, and they're like, well, we can't determine
this is based on the gambling.
But so many people will jump out of these towers that are like 40 floors or whatever
to their death all the time at casinos.
Why do they even exist?
The love of money.
That is the only reason why.
People commit adultery, they destroy their lives at casinos.
I mean, casinos are such a wicked thing, right?
Now, look, I have never set foot in a casino, and I never planned to.
But what they say about casinos is they make the music and the atmosphere kind of just,
you know, to the point where you want to stick around and just hang out.
What I've heard is they don't have clocks on the wall, so you don't know what time it is.
And so you have no idea when you spend like five hours, right?
And people are starting to drink alcohol.
You start drinking alcohol, you start doing stupid things and everything like that,
and they give you free food.
It's like, man, I'm getting free peanuts.
It's like, man, I'm just going to stick around and everything while you just throw away your life, right?
Samson is gambling here.
And look, the result is this.
His wife's house is threatened to be burned down.
It's like, what are you doing, Samson?
It's like, why are you getting into this gambling?
It's foolish.
Verse 16.
Now, she says, you've put a widow to the children of my people, right?
Both Samson and his wife care too much about relatives and the neighborhood and the extended family, right?
And he says, you've put forth a widow to them, and you have not told me.
And he said on to her, behold, I have not told my father nor my mother, and how shall I tell it be?
And he says, if I didn't tell my mom and my dad my riddle, why am I going to tell you my riddle?
Now, that's a man who doesn't understand the principle of two become one, right?
He's saying, if I've got this riddle and I'm not going to tell mom and dad, why would I tell you, right?
He doesn't understand this principle of marriage, okay?
And then it says in verse 17.
We don't know exactly what she said.
I don't know whether she says, I'm going to leave you or I hate you or whatever, but she's complaining, complaining, complaining, complaining.
Here's the answer of the riddle, okay?
And then it says, and she told the riddle to the children of her people.
And the man of that city, of the city said on to him on the seventh day before the sun went down, what is sweeter than honey and what is stronger than a lion?
And he said on to them, if you have not plowed with my heifer, you have not found out my riddle.
And so basically he calls his wife an animal, and you know what, this is a disaster for a marriage, right?
And it's like, you know, both of them care too much about their extended family.
They get into this big fight, and what's the result here in verse 19?
And the spirit of the Lord came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon and slew thirty men of them and took their spoil.
So he murders thirty people.
He kills thirty people and gave change of garments on to them which expounded the riddle.
And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father's house.
So he kills thirty people, pays off the debt, and then he goes home to his mom and his dad.
Okay, now I'm assuming his mom and his dad are in the same house.
He goes home to his father's house, but he basically goes home to mom and dad.
And it's like, you know, they're like, son, what happened?
We got some marriage problems.
You know, what is it, son?
It's like, well, I made this bet, and I lost.
I had to kill thirty people, and, you know, it's like, I hate my wife now and everything.
It's like, oh, it's okay, son.
You know, it's your wife's fault, right?
We love you, it's your wife's fault or whatever.
So he's home for thirty days, or for this time period.
He goes home to his father's house, not necessarily thirty days.
Verse 20, but Samson's wife was given his companion, whom he had used as his friend.
So her father gives her to another guy instead of Samson, someone that Samson had just used as a friend.
You say, why would her father do that?
Well, her father probably heard her side of the story, and, you know, most dads don't like their daughters marrying a murderer, right?
It's like, he just killed thirty people.
It's probably like, yeah, you know, you can find a better guy than this, right?
And so if this is a disaster, it comes from gambling and not having the right marriage and everything like this.
But you say, what's your point?
Well, here's the point.
You know, both sides of the parents should tell them, you've got to work out that marriage.
And Samson goes home to mom and dad, and, you know, they don't make him go and reconcile with his wife.
And then she goes to her parents, and then they don't make her reconcile.
But two become one.
And what's happened is the unity is broken in this marriage, and it never returns.
It's destroyed because of that, okay?
Now turn in your Bible to Ephesians 4. Ephesians 4. Ephesians 4.
So point one is you want to be careful not to be too bossy, meaning pushing your values and beliefs and things on that couple that maybe just don't agree or want to do something else.
You want to be careful not to break the unity of marriage, right?
One thing you don't want to do is this.
Let's say you've got a husband and a wife, and then let's say, you know, you're trying to give advice to the husband and maybe he doesn't agree with you,
and then you go to the wife and try to get her to side with you.
But if you get her to side with you, you've got a husband and wife who now disagree with one another.
And you've broken the unity of that marriage.
But the husband and the wife, they need to be on the same page with stuff.
And us that are married, we ought to look at our spouse as we are one together.
We ought to make these decisions together, right?
And don't allow the unity to be broken by any source, okay?
So point one, being bossy. Point two, breaking the unity.
And for sake of the eliminated sermon, I had to go to Tagalog, okay?
So point three is being bastos, right?
Being rude. Being bastos, okay?
And so this is one thing you don't want to do when it comes to with the husband and wife in that family.
And what I'm basically referring to is this.
Let's say, for example, you know, the parents come over for dinner or something.
And then all of a sudden, the parents have the son.
And then they just make comments like, huh, I see you going to cooking tonight, right?
Huh, it looks like it's kind of dirty around here, right?
You don't have time to clean up a little bit, right?
You don't have time to take care of the kids.
And it's like, you know, the child has like a bump on their head.
Oh, so I see you're just letting your kids run around and do whatever they want.
That's right.
You know, you're not.
And it's like, you know, small little bastos comments like that.
Number one, they're not helpful.
And number two, look, everybody's going to burn the cooking sometimes.
I very rarely cook, but I usually burn the cooking.
When I do cook, it's like, man, I mean, when I was in college, it's like, man, there's always smoke coming out of the place I was living in.
It's like, you know, it's like when you got kids running around and they're crying and everything.
Yeah, it's hard to multitask.
And it's just like, yeah, it's hard to always keep the house clean and stuff like that.
And look, you know, maybe parents would come and make small little critical comments to a new mom who's trying to learn everything.
And here's the thing, we learn through trial and error.
We get better at stuff.
Look, you're not going to be great from day one, right?
You're going to learn these things and get better.
Or maybe like the parents come home and then they make comments about like, you know, the son-in-law.
It's like, oh, I can see you're not doing a very good job providing, right?
You know, you're not making much money for this household, right?
Or, you know, maybe he is making money but he's working really hard.
Oh, so I see your husband doesn't love you enough to spend time with him or something like that, right?
It's like, look, we can make comments and just look at people and try to find something.
But, you know, you can do that with anybody in this room.
If you just look for problems, you're going to find them.
You want to find problems with me as a leader of this church?
You don't really have to look too hard.
You're going to find problems.
You're going to find mistakes.
But the question is, is it helpful to just word out what you're thinking?
And are any of us really perfect with everything we do?
No, we're going to make mistakes.
That's reality, okay?
Ephesians 4 verse 29, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying.
So, whatever we say, whatever comes out of our mouth, ask ourselves, is this edifying?
Does it actually help?
You say, Brother Stuckey, it's true, but does that mean it's helpful?
Right? I mean, if my parents came over and said, oh, I see your wife burn the cooking, you know, it's like, well, is that helpful?
Is that edifying?
Right? I mean, does it really help anything?
No, it doesn't.
It doesn't do any good.
So, before we say anything, and look, this is true in a marriage.
It's true with anything.
Make sure the things we say, are they edifying?
Are they helpful?
And if they're not, then the Bible says that's corrupt communication.
Keep it inside of your mouth.
And realize this, that, you know, we all have opinions and think things, but we don't have to rule out everything we're thinking.
Right.
I mean, yeah, you know, I'm sure you could look at pastors and maybe make a mistake and make a big comment, but it's like, is that helpful?
Is that edifying?
Does it help the situation?
Or are you just trying to throw gasoline on the fire?
Right?
But that which is good to the use of edifying, why?
That it may minister grace onto the hearers.
And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed onto the day of redemption.
And see, the Bible says that if you don't follow this in verse 29 and then verses 31 and 32, you're going to grieve the Holy Spirit of God.
You say, why would I grieve the Holy Spirit of God?
Because a saved person is indwelled with the Spirit of God until the day they die, and then they go straight to heaven.
And here's the thing, the Holy Spirit's kind of going along for the ride with whatever you're doing.
Right?
You commit certain sins.
You know what?
You're grieving the Spirit of God.
This verse proves eternal security.
Be on the shadow of a doubt.
You grieve the Spirit of God, but you know you're sealed onto the day of redemption by the Spirit of God.
Now, here's the thing about this.
If you weren't, if you could lose your salvation, you wouldn't be sealed.
The Spirit would be gone.
How are you grieving the Spirit then if you're not saved?
You're grieving the Spirit of God because you're indwelled with the Spirit of God.
So when you make mistakes, it's grieving the Spirit of God.
You're sealed onto the day of redemption.
But here's the thing.
If you commit these sins and do these things, you are going to grieve the Holy Spirit of God.
Because the Holy Spirit's going along for the ride with this stuff.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice.
And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
The Bible says we ought to be tenderhearted and to forgive one another.
Go to Genesis 31.
We'll close up here.
Genesis 31.
Genesis chapter 31.
Now we'll say this though.
Let's say you're a husband and wife in this room and you're thinking about this sermon.
One thing you need to realize and remember is your parents love you.
Right?
Your direct relatives that you knew, they love you.
My parents love me.
My sister loves me.
And they might do things that bother you or make you upset or whatever.
But you know what?
They do love you.
And you ought to be long suffered.
Because you know what?
I believe that to the best of your ability you should try to keep a relationship with your family.
And your family can be a huge blessing to your life if you're able to keep that relationship with them.
Now look, I understand that maybe for some people it's not possible.
Right?
If my parents were Muslims, I probably wouldn't talk to them.
We're probably not going to have a whole lot we can talk about.
Right?
If my parents were part of some crazy cult or something like that,
you know, they're probably pretty awkward having conversations about anything.
Right?
But you know, here's the thing about this.
You know, my wife and I, you know, they're relatives of hers that are Catholics.
And you know, they were a huge blessing to us when our daughter was born.
You know, even though they're doing different things and they have the wrong Gospel,
you know, it doesn't mean that you can't have any sort of relationship with them.
Now obviously, you know, they might try to push certain things and you've got to take a stand.
Like, hey, do you want to come out and watch this festival?
You've got all these ideas that are going by.
It's like, oh, I'm kind of tired tonight.
I'm not sure if I'm going to go outside.
Right?
But even still, you don't have to try to be best source to them,
even if they're pushing things on you that you don't want.
Why?
Because you know, your relatives can be a huge blessing to your life.
And so maybe they're going to bother you from time to time, but you know what?
If they weren't able to help you at all, it would be even more stressful and hard on your life.
Realize that nobody's going to be perfect and you know, when we get older,
I'm sure I'm going to make a lot of mistakes with my kids.
Right?
Genesis 31.
And also the other thing I want you to realize is this.
Pretty much every story I'm looking at with in-laws and extended family in the Bible,
like, all of them make mistakes.
And what that tells me is all of us are going to make mistakes too.
Right?
Sometimes you look at the Bible and act like, well, I would never make any mistakes and everything.
But you know what?
If everybody does, it's probably going to be the same thing with us.
Right?
And when our kids grow up, it's going to be the same thing.
Right?
Genesis 31 verse 26.
And Laban said to Jacob, what hast thou done?
Thou hast, that thou hast stolen away our wares to me and carried away my daughters
as captives taken with a sword.
And Laban tells Jacob, hey, these daughters belong to me.
Do they belong to Laban at this point?
No.
Why?
Well, they're married to Jacob now.
And it's like, you're trying to keep your daughters.
And you know what's funny about this is Laban tries to rip off Jacob.
Right?
He rips him off and he doesn't give him his wages and everything.
And then what ends up happening is it pushes Jacob to just leave.
Here's what's interesting.
If Jacob was being paid a good salary and not being ripped off, he probably would have never left.
Right?
I mean, if he had a good job or he was making money and he's got a place to stay,
because obviously Laban's a man with money, so it's not just one house.
They probably have a lot of houses on this big farm or something like that is what I picture in my head.
But if he's got his own house and he's making money and able to provide for his family, here's the thing.
He's probably not going to leave.
But the reason why he leaves is because Laban's trying to rip him off and it's like, Laban, you know what?
You could have kept them.
But by trying to force them to stay, you actually cause them to leave.
That's what I actually see in this.
Verse 27.
Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly and steal away from me?
And didst not tell me that I might have sent thee away with mirth and with songs with tablet and with harp.
Now, look, Laban's just flat out lying here.
He's saying, you know what?
If you had just told me ahead of time, I would have sent you away with mirth and given you all these gifts and been so happy for you.
It's like, you know, if your boss said, hey, if you had just told me ahead of time, I would have given you a nice bonus as a walking away present and gifts.
I would have been so happy that you found a better job.
It's like, Laban's just lying, right?
Because, I mean, he comes here and he says, you know, you're willing to die for what you did.
It's like, I don't think you were to send him away with gifts, okay?
I think you're just trying to win an argument by just kind of making stuff up, right?
Verse 28.
And hast not suffered me to kiss my sons and my daughters, thou hast now done foolishly in so doing.
And look, Laban tries to hold on too closely and the result is he loses his family, right?
So you want to be very careful about that.
Now, just in conclusion for this entire series, because obviously we've preached a lot of sermons.
I think we've covered just about everything, right?
I figured one sermon on extended family was enough.
We didn't have to preach on cousins, aunts, uncles, right?
And then, you know, I figured one sermon was enough to kind of cover all the grounds and everything like that.
But, you know, the main principle is this, that, you know, husband and wife, two become one.
They become one flesh.
As a husband, you need to defend your wife if anyone's going to criticize your wife.
As a wife, you need to defend your husband if anyone's going to criticize, you know, your husband.
And when raising your kids, you need to decide as husband and wife, as father and mother,
what do you believe and then do what you believe.
Don't let other people make your decisions if you disagree with them.
And in this church, we've got a lot of young parents.
And, look, I promise you, even though we're all Bible-believing Christians, we're soul-winning, we love God,
we're not going to form the exact same conclusion on everything.
But that is okay.
The important thing, though, is that a husband and wife are on the same page with their life and direction that they're going.
Let's close in with a prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us to be here today and getting to see this sermon.
And help all of us to promise to our lives, God.
Help us maybe that have in-laws and various relatives, God, to realize that we are one flesh as husband and wife
and to make the decisions we believe are correct.
But not to be too stubborn, not to get advice, though, if there is good advice out there, God.
And help all the people that might be in that situation to be in in-laws to realize that two become one
and it's important for the husband and wife to be on the same page.
We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.