All right, we're here in Matthew chapter 18. We're going to go back here in a second, but
turn to 1 Corinthians 3, 1 Corinthians 3, and we're going to be doing basically a two-part
series just today on the topic of resolving conflicts, referring specifically to resolving
conflicts in church. Now, the reason why I'm doing this is because, you know, we haven't
really preached on this yet, and I just want to kind of set a standard of this is how we
believe conflicts are supposed to be dealt with, this is how we'll do it as a church,
and this is an important topic because we are a very growing church, and over these
last several months especially, our church has been growing. We're getting a whole lot
more people saved than we used to. The church, I mean, look at, we have a lot of people here,
don't we? Our church is definitely growing, and this kind of thing could be something
that could kind of tear apart a church. So we want to make sure that we're ready for
this, we're prepared for this, and that we all have the best attitude in these situations
because they will come up from time to time, okay? And so let me just read you a verse
as you're in 1 Corinthians 3. In Proverbs 19 verse 11, you do not have to turn there,
but it says, the discretion of a man defereth his anger, and it is his glory to pass over
a transgression. And see, the Bible says that if you're angry, the best thing to do is just
let it go. Not worry about it, just pass over it. Now, this is the ideal situation, but
if you cannot pass over it, you don't want to let it bubble up inside of you. If you
cannot forgive and just let it go, it's better than to talk to that person, okay? So if you
can, just pass over it, forget about it, no big deal, just let it, somebody sat in your
seat at church, it's like, man, I'm mad, I'm mad. Hey, just pass over it, okay? But if
you can't, it's best to just talk to that person because otherwise it's just going to
get worse, right? It's kind of like in marriage, you know, if there's a problem, it's better
to talk about it before it just gets a little bit more and more and more before, boom, there's
a big problem, right? And so in 1 Corinthians 3, notice what it says in verse 1, 1 Corinthians
3 verse 1, and I want you to remember that when the Bible speaks about growing, it speaks
about growing in grace and knowledge, both of these things, okay? As a church, I would
say the vast majority of people, since most people, you know, go soul winning and have
lots of preaching, most of you know lots and lots of doctrines, and you can prove lots
and lots of doctrines, but we should not just be growing in knowledge, but also in grace
as well. We need both of those things, and the reality is it takes a little bit more
time to grow in grace than it does in knowledge. And the reality is none of us have grown as
much in grace as we think we have. We think we have, but then when situations come up,
it's like, okay, I still need to work on my character, okay? And this is all of us, including
myself, okay? Notice what it says in 1 Corinthians 3 verse 1, and I, brethren, could not speak
unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. Now in 1 Corinthians
3, this is a church, the Church of Corinth, and he refers to them as babes or baby Christians,
okay? These are saved people that are carnal. See, the Calvinists say there's no such thing
as a carnal Christian. Well, interpret this verse for me. They are babes in Christ, saved
people that are carnal. Look, all of us from time to time will be carnal, because this
is what carnal means. It means you're walking in the flesh. And when we get saved, we have
the Spirit of God, but we all still sin. So sometimes we're acting carnal, and sometimes
we're walking in the Spirit. So all of us, at least from time to time, are carnal, okay?
That's what carnal means. It's referring to the flesh, okay? So all it's saying there
is that, you know what? Basically, when you're acting carnal, it's showing that you're acting
like a baby Christian, okay? Now that doesn't necessarily mean that you are a baby Christian,
but from time to time, we will act in the flesh. Now, the Church of Corinth, good night,
they were baby Christians, okay? I mean, you've got fornicators sleeping with their
dad's wife, and you've got all kinds of problems, okay? That church was filled with a bunch
of baby Christians, okay? But here's the thing, even godly people from time to time will get
in the flesh. All of us will from time to time. We will be carnal from time to time.
Even Paul the Apostle said he was carnal, okay? Because from time to time, we're not
always just reading the Bible and praying and loving God and always patient and have
a perfect attitude, okay? Verse 2, I have fed you with milk and not with meat. For hitherto
ye are not able to bear it, yet neither yet now are ye able. Now, it mentions babes in
Christ because it's trying to give you a picture of a baby and help you understand
a baby Christian, okay? When a baby is born, what do you feed it? Milk. You know, there's
these people that are these hardcore vegans, and there's this woman in the US that her
baby died after several weeks because she was so vegan. She's so vegan that she's only
feeding her baby like fruits and veggies from birth. It's like, I won't give them milk.
And then the baby died, and she was prosecuted. It's like, look, a baby needs milk. That is
how they grow. And eventually what happens, like this is what happened with Zeph, all
of a sudden he starts grabbing for your food. Like you're eating a sandwich and he tries
to take it from you. Then you're like, okay, maybe he's ready for real food. That's how
we determined to say, okay, he's getting close to that point. He's ready for real food, okay?
But that doesn't happen the first couple months. The first few months that baby is being fed
milk only, okay? Now notice what it says in verse three. For ye are yet carnal, so why
are they carnal? For whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions, are
ye not carnal and walk as men? And he says they're baby Christians or they're carnal because
there's strife, there's envying, there's fighting, okay? And so here's the thing. If there is
any sort of problem, you want to get rid of that because eventually everyone's going to
be full of enviness and strife, okay? Now look, at a church, these problems will come
up from time to time. We've had these problems come up since the church started because we
all are sinful. We make mistakes. Sometimes there's misunderstandings. We do things wrong.
It is what it is. But once those happen, you got to deal with them because otherwise we're
all going to be filled with enviness and strife and there's going to be problems, okay?
And so you want to deal with those situations, you resolve those situations so you can walk
away and have unity. And if you don't have unity as a church, you're just not going to
grow as a church. You're going to have problems, okay? Now turn to Leviticus 19. Leviticus
19. And see, the thing about situations like this, none of us really know how we'll handle
this sort of situation until we're in the situation. All of us are like, yeah, man,
I know what the Bible says, but when that emotion gets you, that doesn't mean you're
going to follow it perfectly, okay? Now in this sermon, what we're talking about is those
directly involved, the two people specifically in a situation. The next sermon today is those
indirectly involved, okay? We're going to mention everything. So stay here for both
sermons and you'll see what the Bible says. But the first thing I want you to understand
is this, that if you cannot pass over a transgression, you need to handle things individually. One
on one, deal with that situation. Leviticus 19 verse 16. Leviticus 19 verse 16. Thou shalt
not go up and down as a tail bearer among thy people, neither shalt thou stand against
the blood of thy neighbor. I am the Lord. Going up and down as a tail bearer is giving
you a picture of going house to house gossiping, okay? Now in today's world, this is really
dangerous because all you have to do is take that cell phone and you're gossiping to like
every house in a matter of seconds. So it's a bigger problem today because in the past,
you knock on that door, oh, they're not home. You'd have to go back the next day. But in
today's world, you can basically gossip to everyone immediately, right? There's dangers
with social media. Maybe I will preach a series one day on social media, but there are real
dangers with it. We can use it for good. It can also be used for bad as well, okay? So
the Bible says you shall not do this. Notice what it says in verse 17. Thou shalt not hate
thy brother in thine heart. Thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor and not suffer
sin upon him. Now remember I said the best thing to do is pass over a transgression if
possible. But if not, if it's boiling up inside of you, the mistake would be to start telling
other people about it and not talk to that person individually. That's what it's referring
to in the context of verses 16 and 17 because what happens is it starts out as something
small that bugs you, but you never deal with it and then it starts bugging you more and
more and something that started small ends up causing you to hate your brother that you
love. And it says you should rebuke them, okay? And not in front of lots of people.
One on one. So if you cannot deal with it, it's better to go to that person and deal
with the situation rather than just letting it boil up inside and tell other people about
it. Because your goal should be to talk about it one on one and the reason why is you want
to resolve that situation, you want to restore that friendship, you want to basically be
in unity with one another, and if you want those things to take place, you don't want
other people to know about it, okay? Now turn to Matthew 18. And look, we're directly speaking
about in a church like conflicts, but this goes with marriage as well. People get married
and let's say, for example, the wife is frustrated with the husband or the husband's frustrated
with the wife and then the wife's upset and she calls her mom to complain about her husband.
Now here's the thing, the next day, that wife forgives her husband, but the parents don't.
Five years later, the parents are like, I still remember when he basically yelled at
my daughter, you know, five years ago. So here's the problem with it. You would be better
because here's the usually when it comes to like fights happening, they're usually between
people that are really close to one another. When you're really close to one another, it
just causes you sometimes, you know, if you're not on the same page, you can have big friction.
And so the problem is when you involve other people, even though you may forgive them,
the problem is it might just fester with other people now. Okay? So it's best just for those
two people to deal with the situation. Now, Matthew 18, which was our text verse, it says
in verse 15, moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his
fault between thee and him alone. Okay. Now this is true for wives as women as well. Like
if there's a woman who has a problem with somebody else between her and her alone. Okay.
But it says between thee and him alone. So if I had a, and here's the thing, I'm not
above this as the person who preaches the sermons. You know, if I had a problem with
some guy at the church, I don't have the authority to go behind the pulpit and deal with my personal
issues with someone. I would have to talk to them one on one. They would not be fair
for me to basically in a personal situation, use the pulpit against someone. I'm not going
to do that. Okay. I would need to talk to that person individually. Okay. Now let me
say this because you know, as someone who's been saved for a while, you know, I've dealt
with this situation. Obviously I've had strife with people before. You know, you're saved.
Your personality, sometimes you make mistakes and let me explain to you something that would
be a mistake. Okay. If you are a guy in this room and you have problems with, let's say
a lady at this church who is married, you deal with that situation by talking to her
husband, right? Right. Not to the woman. Okay. And look, I'm just trying to be completely
honest and sincere in this situation. I hope we can all agree with this. Women are more
emotional than men. Right. I think even all the women would agree with this. Okay. But
I do want you to understand that I don't have time for the sake of the sermon, but I believe
this is biblical as well. And just from personal experience, I've known, okay, that was a mistake.
Okay. Like I said, I've made mistakes in this department before I make mistakes. It's better
to go to the husband and deal with the situation and not to talk to the wife. Okay. That would
be a mistake. But what is talking about here is two men who are having strife and it says,
go to that person alone. And look, I even believe lead wives out of the situation. Okay.
If a guy has a problem with a guy, you know what? Leave the wives out of the situation.
Just let those two guys deal with that situation. Okay. Then notice what it says. If he shall
hear thee, thou hast gained my brother. Now when it says here, it doesn't just simply
mean he, the words come into his ear. It means he hears and he agrees and he applies it and
he says, yeah, let's just settle this. And then you gain your brother. Okay. This is
the goal. Your goal should be to restore that friendship. And if that's not your goal,
that's showing a problem with your heart. Okay. And so the goal is to restore that friendship.
And so the best way according to the Bible is to go individually to that person. Okay.
Now here's the thing. That's not our natural tendency though. Naturally we have those close
friends of ours that we want to say, you're on my side, right? That's how we do it. That's
why this is a two part series because pretty much in every fight there are those that are
indirectly involved because of the fact we're all sinful and we make mistakes. Okay. But it
should be dealt one on one and then the situation can be resolved a lot easier. And then afterwards,
everybody doesn't have to know about the situation. Okay. Look, we all have problems from time to
time. We make mistakes. I don't want everybody to remember all of my stakes I've ever committed.
That's why when things are dealt with individually, people aren't aware of it. Okay. It's the best
way to do things. Okay. So the first thing is this. Deal with it one on one. But notice what
it says in verse 16. Verse 16. The second point is this, that let's say for example, you're not
able to deal with it one on one or somebody else has to be brought in. Here's what you do. You
involve me and not other people. You involve me and not your friends. Now hopefully you look at
me as a friend. I look at people in this room as a friend, but I'm saying you involve me in the
situation and not your closest friends. Okay. Now I want you to understand something that there's a
false teaching that teaches the universal church. Okay. The Bible refutes this in Matthew 16, where
it's talking to Peter and it mentions the church, but also in Matthew 18, because in verse 17,
notice how it says, if he neglect to hear the church. So the local church is existing in Matthew
18. So the context here is strife within a church. Now you can apply this to marriage, to work, to
other situations, but the direct context is strife within a church. It was so important to the Lord
Jesus Christ that of the two times he mentioned the church, he highlighted the fact of how to
deal with strife. Why? Because even Peter and James and John, the sons of thunder, deal with problems
as well. All of us do. This will take place. This is very important. The context is the church, but
here's what I want you to see in verse 16. But if he will not hear thee, so you've gone unto him
one on one and he does not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more that in the mouth of two
or three witnesses every word may be established. Okay. So the Bible speaks about bringing other
people to the situation so the words are established. Think of a courtroom. Okay. Think of a
courtroom where basically a judge or a jury decides a case and those in the situation have
to go along with what's decided, even if they disagree by law. Okay. That's kind of what we're
dealing with, but here's what I want you to understand. In verse 17, it speaks about bringing
it onto the church. Look, you don't have the authority to just show up on Sunday morning and
tell me, brother Stuckey, we're bringing an issue before the church. Okay. So here's what I want you
to understand. The implication is the people that are aware about it are the leadership of the
church. I would be aware of that situation because obviously you don't have the authority to step up
here on Sunday morning and say, we're canceling the second service, brother Stuckey, because we're
going to deal with potentially kicking out so-and-so from the church. You don't have that
authority. Obviously we believe in, you know, obviously I'm not a pastor, but a pastor run
church, basically the authority. I'm the person here at this church for that task. Okay. And so
you need to involve me if it's a big situation. Now, if it's something really small, then hopefully
you can just forget about it. Or if it's something really small, then yeah, deal with it one-on-one.
But what I'm saying is you dealt with it one-on-one and you just do not agree. You don't agree with
each other one-on-one. You know, they sat in your seat and you're still mad about it. Okay. It's
like, then I need to be involved in the situation, not other people, because you're not going to
bring it before the church without me aware of it. So basically you deal with it one-on-one, not
resolved. You bring me into the situation. Okay. Here's the thing. You have my word. I'm not going
to go and gossip to anybody about the situation. I'm going to basically just, I don't want people
to know about it because I want people to basically be restored and everyone to think I live one
another. I don't want everybody to know about a situation. So I won't go and gossip it. And it
says that one or two more are brought and so these words may be established. Okay. Verse 17,
and if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it onto the church. But if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. So basically if there's a big situation
and it's not handled, basically you're, you're basically moving it to another level and it's
kind of like the last chance. It's like, so let's say for example, somebody, you know, takes 10,000
pesos from you because they're trying to pay something off and they never pay it back. Okay.
Now that would cause a lot of problems. An example of this in Verdi Fresno, for you guys that know
brother Jared Pozarnsky, he mentioned this in a sermon and it's pretty funny. And he was talking
about how basically, you know, there's someone at the church, they were fellowshipping afterwards
and this guy kind of casually mentions, oh man, I might have this disease. And then everyone kind
of looks at him. He's like, are you all right? He's like, I don't know because I can't afford
the checkup at the doctor to find out. It's going to cost me, you know, like, you know, such and such
money, like $450 or something like that. I can't afford it. And so everyone's like, oh man, this is
this bad. So then he talked to him privately afterwards and Jared's a very caring, loving guy,
very giving guy. And he said, you know, hey, here you go. I'll pay for it for you. Okay. Because he
was concerned about the guy. Well, the next service comes up and basically, you know, brother Jared's
concerned like, hey, how did it go? What did they say? He's like, oh, I wasn't able to make it to
doctors, but thanks anyway. So basically he just stole like $450. Okay. Now brother Jared was able
to pass over that transgression. Praise the Lord because I don't think I would have. That would have
been like, okay, we're going to deal with this situation. I just stole like $450 from me. Okay.
But I want you to understand that sort of situation could be something where then you bring
in the pastor of the church. And it's like, hey, you know what, you need to pay that back. And if
they're not willing to hear it, it goes to another level where it's basically like your last chance
and the church will be aware of it. And then you would get kicked out of church. Okay. That's what
it said. Now, hopefully you can restore things just one on one. And hopefully if somebody else
comes into the situation and I come in, we can restore the situation and settle it and make a
decision. And both sides are willing to agree to it and say, okay, I'm okay with the decision,
even if you don't 100% agree. But this is what it's referring to. Okay. Go to Matthew five,
Matthew five. And so number one was deal with it one on one. Number two, if that does not work,
or you're not settled on it, or you need someone to help decide things, then involve me in the
situation and not others. And here's the thing. I might decide to bring somebody else into that
meeting. Okay. But of the people that are in that meeting, I need to be one of those people. I might
choose to bring another one. So then you have two people. So the matter is established. And there's
multiple people that are hearing both sides. But I must be one of those people because you're not
bringing it before this church. But this is not a free for all church. I don't know if you realize
this, but even the songs on Sunday morning, you know, the people that sing the songs, they message
me and say, are these songs okay? You say, why? Because things are done decently in an order. It's
not free for all Baptist church here. And look, your old churches might've been like that. It's
not like this here. So I need to be one of those people. Okay. So number one, you deal with it one
on one. Number two, you involve me if necessary. And number three, apologize in the situation.
Matthew five, verse 23. Matthew five, verse 23. Therefore, if thou bring my gift to the altar. Now
we preached on this verse recently and we talked about basically this is not an altar, but this is
before the death of Jesus. So they still had those old Testament customs and laws. And basically it
talks about somebody coming to the altar to bring a gift. Okay. Now we can make applications from
this verse. I understand this is not an altar, but what it's talking about here is basically
restoring a relationship with a brother before you bring a gift. Okay. It says, and there remembers
that thy brother hath ought against thee. Leave there thy gift before the altar and go thy way.
First be reconciled to thy brother and then come and offer thy gift. Applications we can make. Hey,
before you come soul winning, restore your relationship with your brother. Okay. Before
you do all your, your Bible reading and everything like that. Hey, restore that relationship with
your brother or your sister who's been offended. Get this situation resolved. Okay. That is what
the Bible is talking about. Yes, the gift is great. Yes, the soul winning is great, but let
not the sun come down upon your wrath. I might be misquoting that, but basically do not go to
bed angry. That's what that verse is saying. Deal with the situation or it's only going to get worse
and something that started small ended up being a big thing. Okay. But before you bring that gift,
before you volunteer for the service of the Lord, restore your relationship. Look, this was
important to the Lord Jesus Christ. This is the sermon on the Mount. Restore that relationship.
Turn to Proverbs 15, Proverbs 15. Let me explain something to you real quickly because I've been
on, cause I've been an independent Baptist for a long time and look, I've been on both sides of
this before. We're basically somebody who was mad at me and times I was mad at somebody else. Okay.
And let me say this, you know, you might not feel like the other side should be mad at you,
but you know what? You should still apologize anyway, because here's what I can pretty much
guarantee. In every single argument or disagreement, each side is at least a little bit wrong. I mean,
do you want, I never handled situations 100% perfectly. That never is going to take place.
So you can literally, honestly, when you have this meeting, walk away and say, you know what?
I'm sorry for how I handled things. I did things wrong. And you can be sincere about this because
no one handles situations 100% perfectly. And look, there's real power in saying the words,
I'm sorry, whatever you want to say. Okay. Whatever language there's power in saying you're sorry.
Okay. And it's amazing how much power there is. I've had times where I was really mad at somebody
and I did not expect them to apologize. And then they apologized out of nowhere and just immediate.
I'm like, why am I even mad? It's not that big of a deal, but saying you're sorry is an extremely
important and powerful thing to do. And let me tell you something. If you don't make that as a
daily practice, you're gonna have problems in your marriage. You're gonna have problems in your
friendship because look, we offend and make mistakes. If you don't offend anyone, you're a
perfect man. The Bible says, look, we are going to offend people from time to time. We're going to
make mistakes. Even if it is not directly our fault. If you offend somebody, you tell a joke
and somebody is mad about it. I've had that happen before where I've told jokes. I meant it
completely innocently and I didn't realize I really hurt somebody's feelings. You know what
you do? I'm sorry. Why? Because otherwise that person's going to allow us to boil up inside.
It's going to be a big thing. Even something small that was an accident or misunderstanding.
Hey, just apologize. Get it right. You want to restore that friendship. That's the goal. The
goal is not to prove you're more right than the other person. When I was a kid, you know, I have
an older sister and as a young person, this is how you think. I knew I'd get in fights with my
sister and I knew I was wrong, but in my mind I'm like, I'm 48% wrong. She is 52% wrong. I'll
apologize if she apologizes first. Isn't that the way we are? But I want you to realize that's how
kids act. That's not how we're supposed to act as adults. When you're an adult, you ought to have
this attitude. If I'm 1% wrong, I'm sorry. Even if they don't return that apology. And let me say
this, if you believe you're 5% wrong, you probably can multiply that by 10. Usually we think we're
right. We think we're justified. We think we're perfectly innocent in situations, but the reality
is that's not true. And so even if you're only slightly at fault or even if the other person is
more at fault, just apologize. You can restore that friendship. You're still going soloing with
your brother, your sister in Christ. You love them and there's no problems and you have unity. Okay.
There's no, and I want to, I want you to understand this is what leads to divorce because neither side
is willing to apologize because if husbands and wives would just go to bed at night and say,
I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for a bad attitude. Then these fights would not take place
and lead to divorce. But the problem is neither side wants to say, I'm sorry. I made a mistake.
I had a bad attitude. If they would do that, situation's done. So look, even if you're only
1% at fault, just apologize. Okay. So I'm too prideful to apologize. We'll humble yourself,
right? And that's the way we feel. We don't want to apologize because we're prideful. Isn't that
the truth? The reason why as a kid, when I did not think I was mostly at fault, the reason why
I didn't apologize is because of pride. I wanted to look better than my sister, but what's the
purpose? Instead, just apologize whether you look good or bad, just apologize. Why? Because you can
restore that relationship and that's the goal. Proverbs 15 verse one, Proverbs 15 verse one,
a soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. A soft answer turneth away
wrath. What that's saying is if somebody is really, really angry and you just say,
I'm sorry, I should have handled it better, a soft, basically nice, kind, humble answer,
it gets rid of the anger. And look, throughout the Bible, you see this. Usually what you see is
a Samson versus the Philistine situation where basically Samson thinks they're at fault and the
Philistines say he's at fault and it just gets worse and worse and worse and worse. But you also
see situations where there's men of God or ladies of God who give a soft answer and then the other
side is no longer angry and that's what the Bible teaches. A soft answer turneth away wrath, but
that soft answer is hard to give if you're filled full of pride. And look, myself as well, it's hard
to say you're sorry, especially when you believe the other person's wrong or more wrong than you.
It's really hard to do that. But I'll tell you what, the person who has the power to basically
have a soft answer and say, I'm sorry, that's the person that's going to have lots of friendships
and have no fights and strife with one another. Look, it's not about proving you're right in the
situation or more right. It's about restoring the friendship. A soft answer turneth away wrath.
Notice what it says in verse two, the tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright. See, I want you
to understand some people might have lots of knowledge. That does not mean they're going to
use it in a wise way. I mean, you can read the Bible a thousand times. That does not mean you're
going to respond right in situations, but the wise person will use the knowledge they have in the
right way. And let me tell you something. I believe it's probably a lot more important to be
able to use knowledge aright when it comes to dealing with fights than it is understanding the
end times. And look, we're going through the meat of the word on Wednesdays through the book of
Revelation. But I'll tell you what, no matter what my interpretation or your interpretation of
the book of Revelation is, that does not affect whether you have a good marriage. That does not
affect whether or not people like you. That does not affect whether or not you have good friendship.
What affects this is you have a good attitude. Do you use knowledge aright? Okay. And so look,
it's great that in January we read through the New Testament as a church and we're reading the
Bible. I hope you're continuing it. Use the knowledge you learn in the right way because
the Bible speaks on all topics and if you do not, you're going to destroy your life. Okay. Then it
says, but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. And look, the reality is all of us from time to
time do not use knowledge aright. And it's kind of offensive that you get lumped in with a fool
from time to time because the atheists are fools. The Bible says that. They're the ones that are
Bobo. But unfortunately, even all of us from time to time, we're lumped in with those same people.
I don't want to be lumped in with an atheist or a sodomite or someone like that. But you know what,
when we don't use knowledge aright and we make mistakes and we have trouble with our character,
we are lumping ourselves in with those people of pouring out foolishness, the Bible says.
Turn in your Bible to Matthew 18. Matthew 18. Matthew chapter 18. So the first thing we saw is
this. Deal with it one on one. You got a situation with someone and you cannot pass over it. Deal
with it one on one. If necessary, bring me into the situation. And then if we have to have a
meeting, I might choose to add someone and we can deal with it in a small group. So not everybody
has to know. Okay, number three, say you're sorry. Pretty basic things, right? But even though we
have this knowledge, it's hard to use it aright, isn't it? It's hard to actually do just what the
Bible says. Number four, after the sorries are given, forgive and forget. I hope that when you
were a kid, your parents taught you these basic things. Okay, I'm afraid in the generation we
live in, the generation that's coming up, parents are not training their kids at all with these
basic things. And I'm amazed that sometimes, you know, just people I've been around, like when I
was at Verity, people, I can think of someone who basically does not go to church anymore, Verity,
and he left after a year or something like that. And I gave this person a ride like every single
week, sometimes a couple times a week. He couldn't drive. Okay, I gave him a ride and he never said
thank you ever. And here's the thing, the first time he didn't say thank you, I was a little bit
upset. Then he didn't do it the next time. And this is over basically over a year. I just got
more and more angry. I was like really angry. It's like, and look, I should have just talked to one
on one. I'll admit I did not handle it right. But let me tell you something. I started to get really
angry because of the fact he didn't learn the basic principle from his parents. Thank you.
Right? I mean, it got annoying after a while. And I remember, you know, somebody did talk to him
about it. I talked to someone, then he did say thank you like out of nowhere. And I was like,
man, finally said thank you. That's great. But just these basic things that his parents didn't
teach him as a kid, and I hope your parents taught you thank you and sorry and forgive and forget
these very basic things. But unfortunately, not everyone has been taught all these things. But
you say you're sorry and then forgive and forget. We're in Matthew 18. And I want you to understand
the context has not changed. And I think some people quote some of these verses and they think
in verse 18, like we're on to some new topic or whatever. But I want you to realize the topic of
basically dealing with a fight one on one. This is something and bringing it before the church.
That's still the context here. Okay, and this is very important. Verse 18. Verily, I say unto you,
whatsoever he shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven. And whatsoever he shall loose on earth
shall be loosed in heaven. And see, what is referring to is basically a situation where
basically it's decided on what the situation is, okay? Whether this is one on one, or whether or
not a few people are involved, or whether or not before the church, and whatever the decision is,
it's bound according to God. It's kind of like a courtroom. If I was a judge, and I make a decision,
you got to accept the decision. You can't argue it. And what it's referring to is if there's a
situation and it's talked about, and a decision has been made, both sides must honor that decision
and not be upset. You say why? Because God says it's bound. God says, you know what, I gave you
that authority. That's what you decided. The decision was made. Both sides must accept it,
even if they don't think it was handled perfectly. And I want you to understand something. Look,
it's not easy with these sorts of situations, no matter who you are. Whether you're directly
involved, whether you're making the decision, whether you're indirectly involved, it's hard,
but eventually some decision has to be made. And when that decision is made, people just need to
settle it and say, I accept that decision. This is why you have a local church that runs things
and operates things, because you cannot have 10 different people with different opinions. It's not
a question, what do we believe about salvation? It's not optional what we believe. It's believe
on the Lord Jesus Christ and now shall be saved. This is not a free for all. And with decisions
like this also, decisions are made. All parties just need to accept that decision, forgive, and
forget, even if they don't 100% agree with how it's handled. Because look, I can promise you that
I'm not going to handle it 100% perfectly. Right? I'm a sinner. I make mistakes. Look, you hear
about various things happening. You hear about stories. You don't necessarily know all the facts.
You just try your best. And look, I'll admit no matter whether or not I'm involved in the conflict
or not involved in conflict, look, I am not going to handle it 100% perfectly. But I will try to do
my best. And that's what I would want from everybody involved. To just try to do your best
and say why? Because you want to restore friendship and unity. And look at our church here today. Look
at how many people are at this church. How many people did this church have a year ago? I mean,
we could have fit the people a year ago in these first five rows. We have services like 30 people
at church, which that's fine. That's not bad. But look at how many people are here today. We've
grown as a church. And the only way to keep growing is to keep unity. The doctrines not going
to change here. You don't have to worry about that. I'm not changing my doctrine on what I
believe. Okay. But I want you to understand, although I have the authority and will never
change doctrine when it comes to unity, that's something all of us must partake in together.
Notice what it says in verse 19. Again, I say unto you that if two of you shall agree on earth as
touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father, which is in heaven.
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. Now,
Matthew 18 verse 20 is quoted all the time to try to say, well, you know, I'm just talking to my
buddy about the Bible. This is church, right? It's like, no, it's not church, but it's referring to
a church handling a situation, though. And so when two or three or a group of people basically say,
okay, we settled this, we said we're sorry, we'll forgive and forget. You can't change your mind a
week later. It has been settled, it's bound, it's done. And God will honor that decision. Okay. Now,
I'm not saying that the decision is go out and get drunk or do something sinful. I'm just saying
it's come to a conclusion. You have to honor it on all sides, everybody involved. Why? The goal is
to restore unity, restore friendship. Okay. Notice what it says in verse 21. And it's important to
understand we still have the same context because it's going to put Peter's response in basically a
better life, a better understanding. Notice what it says in verse 21. Basically, Peter was thinking
he's real spiritual. Because Peter is a very godly person. You think of the great characters
in the New Testament. You got Paul, you got John the Baptist. Peter might be number three on your
list of people you think of, right? I mean, he accomplished great things. But he's also kind of
famous because he puts his foot in his mouth quite a bit. And here's an example in verse 21. He's
thinking he's real spiritual. Then came Peter to him and said, Lord, how off shall my brother sin
against me? And I forgive him till seven times. And Peter's basically saying, I'm willing to forgive
my brother seven times. Are you impressed, God? I'm willing to forgive my brother seven times if
he wrongs me. Notice what the response of Jesus is, though. Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto
thee until seven times, but until seventy times seven. Now, I think everybody knows I'm a math guy,
but if you don't know, 70 times seven is 490 times. Now, I want you to understand when it's
490 times, he is not saying take out your cell phone and count every time. Here's number one,
and I've been married. Let's see. Let's do the math. I've been married 50 years. My wife has
wronged me 10 times per year. Oh, she's out of times. I'll never forgive her ever again. That's
not what it's referring to. It's basically Jesus picking a really large number to say,
forgive no matter how many times you're wrong. Forgive and forget, even if it's the same thing
over and over and over. You say, why? The goal is to restore friendship. And let me, let me explain
something to you. If somebody does you wrong and they say they are sorry and you don't forgive them,
you went from being innocent to guilty, right? Because God expects you to forgive them. But you
say they're the ones who started it. Maybe so, but if they say they're sorry and you refuse to
forgive them, you're the one that's at fault and it will destroy your life because that bitterness
inside of you will destroy your life. You must be willing to forgive and forget. Okay. Turn to
Colossians three, Colossians three. No better hurry for sake of time here, but Colossians three.
And look, this is, I think all of this information is something we already know,
but it's good to be reminded of these things because we're going to deal with these things
from time to time. Okay. And notice what it says in Colossians three, and this is to a church,
the church of Colossi. This is important that these verses we're looking at. Matthew 18 was
dealing with a church and in Colossians and Ephesians, which we're going to look at,
this is dealing with a local church. Okay. Colossians three verse 12, put on therefore
as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness,
long suffering, forbearing one another, which basically means putting up with someone,
even if they're annoying you or making you mad, and forgiving one another. If any man
have a quarrel against any, which is a fight you have with someone. So I want you to notice
all the things that are mentioned. If we would apply these things, we would have peace and unity
with one another. The problem is that none of us are fully just righteous and always perfect.
We are sinful. We make mistakes. We all need to grow in grace as well. Don't, don't lose sight
of that, that you need to grow in grace and I need to grow in grace. We need to be constantly
becoming more patient, more kind, more long suffering, more forgiving. And I want you to
notice, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. The Bible says Christ forgave us, but I want
to ask you a question. Do we deserve to be forgiven? No, we don't. And see the context
and what it's telling you is this, that even if somebody has really screwed up, they've done
something terrible. You still need to forgive them as Christ forgave you. We didn't deserve it
and they might not either, but it does not matter if they don't deserve it. What matters is God told
you to do it and look, you're going to, you're going to harm your life if you're not willing
to forgive. You're not going to harm that other person. Turn to Ephesians four, Ephesians four.
And I apologize, this first sermon is probably going to be longer, but I believe the second
sermon will be shorter. But I want to cover all things in this topic. I don't want to leave
anything hanging. I just want to see what the Bible says and how we need to react. And in Ephesians
four, Colossians and Ephesians are parallel books. What that means is basically they go over the same
themes. You see the same topics coming up. And so this is basically the same thing, but in Ephesians
four, verse 32, and be kind one to another, Ephesians four, verse 32, and be kind one to
another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Look, we are responsible for putting the Lord on the cross, right? I mean, our sins are the
reason why Jesus died for us. If we were sinless, Jesus would not have had to die. But look, every
single one of us had sins we need to pay for. And Jesus paid for your sins. But we do not deserve
to be forgiven. We're why he got crucified and his soul was in hell for three days and three nights.
We do not deserve to be forgiven. And yet the thief on the cross. Think of the thief on the
cross. If you remember that story, the thief is mocking Jesus on the cross at the beginning.
Both of them were mocking Jesus. Both of them. And then the thief realizes, and man, praise the Lord
that he realized how stupid he was being. Because he would have gone to hell forever. But then all
of a sudden, he stopped being arrogant and prideful. He just humbled himself. He realized
who Jesus was and what salvation was. And he just asked basically to be forgiven. And of course,
Jesus says, you know what, today shall not be given in paradise. Because he meant it,
he believed it, he understood it, and he got saved. He did nothing for God in his life,
but at least he did not burn in hell. But I want you to realize, he also mocked Jesus.
Let me tell you something, nobody has done something like that to you. When he was on
the cross and the thief was mocking him, and yet Jesus still forgave him. That's pretty powerful.
Now turn in your Bible. Look at verse 30. We'll look at a few more verses here. Verse 30. The
first point is simply, deal with it one-on-one. If you cannot pass over the transgression,
if it's boiling up, just deal with it one-on-one. It's better than letting it get big. Deal with it
one-on-one. Bring me into the situation if necessary. Say you're sorry and forgive and
forget. But lastly, and this is very important, when the situation is done, do not be bitter.
Do not be bitter. Do not allow yourself to still be upset at the situation. And this goes along
with forgiving and forgetting. Because here's the thing, people will say, why forgive them,
but I'm not going to forget about the situation. No, you just don't forgive them.
I mean, if you're just going to constantly be thinking about the situation, and I'm not saying
it accidentally comes to your mind, but I'm saying it every day you're still thinking,
well, I forgive him, but I'm not going to forget about that. And every day you just think about
it. You're a bitter person. You're not forgetting. That's the reality of the matter. You are not
really forgiving because if you're really forgiving, you're willing to just forget about it
and just whatever it's done. So do not be bitter. And this is what it says in Ephesians 4, verse 30,
And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed onto the day of redemption.
Now we are sealed and saved forever. It's eternal life. You cannot lose your salvation,
but you can still grieve the Holy Spirit of God that's indwelling you.
How do you grieve the Holy Spirit of God? It mentions lots of things, but notice this,
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all
malice. You know, the first thing mentioned that will grieve the Holy Spirit of God is when you
are bitter. I don't have time to go to these verses, but the Bible teaches that you cannot
love God if you don't love your fellow brother. Isn't that what it teaches in first John? You
can't say, Why love God, but I don't love my brother or sister in Christ. No, you don't love
God because God commands you to do that. I mean, he said, Before you bring your gift to the altar,
restore the relationship. You cannot love God unless you restore that relationship and love
your fellow brother or sister in Christ. Okay, James 3, James Chapter 3. It says,
Be put away from you in Ephesians 4, verse 31. And let me just be real clear about something.
Look, all of us in our lives have been done wrong by people. All of us have had situations
where we're mad about something. And all of us from time to time might be a little bit bitter
about situations. But I want to help you out with something. If I was really bitter at, let's say,
Brother Alexander. Okay, I'm not. Okay, but let's say I was really bitter at Brother Alexander.
Me being bitter against him. Who does that harm? Does it harm him or me?
Me. When you are bitter against someone, you're destroying yourself. You're not destroying them.
But being mad at someone doesn't harm them. But it will harm you. And I want you to understand
that this sermon is for your own good. Because if you have any bitterness, if you're not willing
to put it away, look, you're harming yourself. And look, when you want to gossip about situations,
you're never going to forget about it. Just quit gossiping about it. Quit talking about it.
Forget about it. Otherwise, you will be bitter and upset and you'll never forget about it.
Okay. And see, that's why the Bible speaks about the importance of staying busy, both for men and
women. And you see the problems when they don't. Because here's the thing, when you have too much
free time, you tend to just dwell on the things that bother you. Right? You complain and murmur
about the things that bother you. And what happens is you destroy your own life. It's good to be
busy. That's what the Bible speaks about. James 3. James 3, verse 14. James 3, verse 14.
But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts. So it mentions enviness and strife,
and it says bitter envy, bitter strife in your hearts. Glory not and lie not against the truth.
And I want you to notice this phrase where it says lie not against the truth. Basically,
when you know what the truth is and you intentionally lie about it and won't admit it.
Okay. The reality is that this is something that most people do. And this is why they don't like
our church. Because they hear the truth and they see it's in the Bible and they just lie to
themselves. They just will not admit, well, the Bible does teach this. Just pretend like these
verses don't exist in the Bible. Go ahead and do that. Okay. That is what people do. That's why
they don't like these sorts of sermons. They don't like sermons against listening to the wrong music
or watching the television. They hate sermons like that. And what they do is they lie against
the truth. They see verses like I'll said no wicked thing before mine eyes and they just lie
to themselves. Okay. Look, as God's people, do not lie to yourself. If you realize, you know,
that you have strife or enviness or bitterness, it is for your own good. And I am trying to help
you out and say, man, if you do not get rid of this, it's going to destroy your life. You'll
end up quitting a church like this. You end up quitting serving God. And at the end of the day,
the only person you're going to have the blame is yourself because you cannot control what other
people do, but you can control what you do. You'll never be. And you need to just understand this.
You will not be able to control what other people do, but you need to learn to control what you do.
Otherwise you will destroy your life. Turn to second Samuel 17. Second Samuel 17.
And I'm going to give you one quick example of somebody who was filled full of bitterness and
it destroyed his life. Okay. Now I ask you to, because usually I do not do this because
I'm going to talk about a character and I'm going to show you four places.
And the Bible doesn't directly say what I'm going to talk about, but I think it's very obvious when
you add up the pieces. Okay. And you play detective. It's very obvious the reason why
this person's angry. It's very obvious this person's bitter, even though the Bible does
not specifically say, let me show this to you. Second Samuel 17 verse one. Second Samuel 17
verse one. Moreover, Ahithophel set onto Absalom. Now Ahithophel is one of three characters in the
Bible that committed suicide that went to heaven. Okay. You got Samson, you got King Saul, and
nobody usually brings up Ahithophel because they can't pronounce his name. I'm not sure if I'm
pronouncing it right. Okay. But Ahithophel, and look, here's the thing about this. The Bible does
not directly tell you that Ahithophel was saved because in the Old Testament it doesn't directly
tell you, but I think it's pretty obvious he was a saved person. Okay. And that's a whole
other sermon. But Ahithophel is somebody who basically his lasting legacy is he committed
suicide but still went to heaven. Okay. That's not something to be remembered for. Okay. And more,
this is the battle between David and the son Absalom. Absalom wants to take over the throne
and kill David. Moreover, Ahithophel said unto Absalom, let me now choose out 12,000 men,
and I will arise and pursue after David this night. So Ahithophel wants to kill David.
Okay. Now you say, but wait a minute, brother Stuckey, everybody's on this side fighting
against David, so it's normal he wants to kill David. This is not normal because notice verse 2,
and I will come upon him while he is weary and weak-handed and will make him afraid,
and all the people that are with him shall flee, and I will smite the king only. Ahithophel says,
sign me up for the job where I get to kill David. Not just I'll go to war in this battle. He says,
I want to personally kill David. I will not kill anybody else. I will just smite David only. So
Ahithophel is saying, I'll just pass by other people I can kill and just go right after David.
Why does Ahithophel hate David so much? Because when you listen to what he's saying,
he hates David. He wants to kill David. You say, why? Well, turn to 2 Samuel 11. 2 Samuel 11.
And look, this story might not have made sense to you, but I'll show you why Ahithophel hates
David so much and why he's full of enbyness and bitterness and strife and anger. I want you to
notice 2 Samuel 11 verse 2, and this is the chapter where David commits adultery with Bathsheba.
2 Samuel 11 verse 2, and it came to pass in an evening tide that David arose from off his bed
and walked upon the roof of the king's house. And from the roof he saw a woman washing herself,
and this is Bathsheba, and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. And David sent in and
inquired after the woman and one said, is not this Bathsheba the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah,
the Hittite? So Bathsheba is married to Uriah, but I want you to notice she's the daughter of
Eliam. Turn to 2 Samuel 23. 2 Samuel 23. Eliam was the father of Bathsheba. Well, who was the
father of Eliam? Notice what it says in 2 Samuel 23 verse 34. 2 Samuel 23 verse 34.
And if you want to write these things down if you're taking notes, the first reference I gave
you was 2 Samuel 11 3. 2 Samuel 11 3, and now we're in 2 Samuel 23 verse 34. Eliphilat, the son
of Ahaspai, the son of the Meakithite. Eliam, the son of Ahithophel, the Gileanite. See, Bathsheba
was the daughter of Eliam, and Eliam was the son of Ahithophel. Ahithophel was the grandfather
of Bathsheba. Here's what you need to understand. Ahithophel, and look, like I said, the Bible does
not directly say, that is what the Bible teaches them. He was the grandfather of Bathsheba. Let
me give you my personal opinion, okay? My personal opinion, I think Ahithophel liked Uriah. I think
Ahithophel, the reason why he's so angry and wants to kill David is because he probably did not
forgive David. He probably liked Uriah. He probably went out to eat with Uriah and Bathsheba.
That's his granddaughter. He loves his granddaughter. He probably loved Uriah because
Uriah was a great guy. Uriah was an awesome guy. He probably said, man, I am so happy my granddaughter
married a godly person. He loved Uriah. And then David stole Bathsheba from Uriah, and then David
killed Uriah. And I bet you Ahithophel, never forgave. There's no other reason for Ahithophel
to hate David so much. He obviously was bitter about it, but I want you to understand something
about this. Nathan rebukes David in the next chapter. And let me tell you something, the
pronouncement and the judgment given from God is the fact that David will not die. Now when
Ahithophel did not like the decision, he is fighting against God now. Because God said,
all forgive David. I'll make a special exception. He will not die. The judgment was made and
Ahithophel did not like the judgment about David. Let me tell you something, when there's a situation
and it's dealt with and a judgment is made, it is bound up in heaven. God says, I will honor that
judgment. And if you walk away and say, I do not agree with how it was handled, then you're now
fighting against God. Because God says he'll honor that decision. And what is the end of it
for Ahithophel? We'll turn to 2 Samuel 17 verse 23. 2 Samuel 17 chapter 17 verse 23.
And look, if you have a different opinion, that's fine. I think it's pretty clear Ahithophel hates
David. And I think the only logical explanation is the fact that he was mad that David killed Uriah.
He probably never forgave him. And look, here's the thing, if Bathsheba is the grandson of
Ahithophel, I'm sure Ahithophel knew everything that happened. Not everybody in the kingdom knew
what happened. Oh, but Ahithophel knew. That's his granddaughter. Probably he loved his, I'm sure he
loved his granddaughter. And I believe he loved and looked at Uriah as a grandson. And he did not
forgive David for what happened. And guess what? That bitterness Ahithophel had towards David,
who did it harm? Did it harm David? It harmed him. 2 Samuel 17 verse 23.
And when Ahithophel saw that this council, his council was not followed, he saddled his ass
and arose and got him home to his house, to his city, and put his household in order, and hanged
himself and died, and was buried in the sepulcher of his father. You see, Ahithophel was a pretty
wise man. And when his council was not followed, he knew, I'm on the wrong side and I'm going to
end up dead. And he just took his own life. He killed himself. Now, I believe Ahithophel was
saved. I think he was just a man that was full of bitterness towards David. And here's the thing,
did Ahithophel have a right to be bitter? Absolutely. Of course. Look, I sided with Ahithophel
in that situation. I don't side with David. What David did was wrong. I can understand why he's
so mad. I sided with Uriah in Ahithophel. But it does not matter because that bitterness did not
destroy David. It ends up with Ahithophel killing himself. Okay? Look, when there are situations,
not just in a church, but individually in your life, and you don't agree with about the situation,
look, if you remain bitter in your heart, and here's the thing, I cannot see your heart.
Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. I'm asking you,
do not lie against the truth. You know what's inside your heart. And if you have even a little
bit of emptiness, strife, or bitterness towards your fellow brother or sister in Christ, because
you don't agree with something, you're mad about it, let me tell you something. You will destroy
your life. And eight months from now, you'll leave this church. And everybody's going to wonder,
why in the world did such and such person leave this church? Because they look and say,
I don't understand it. Well, it always starts inside the heart. Right. That's why you need
to fix your heart. Because I don't want anyone to leave. We are a growing church. I'm very happy
with how things are going. So many people in this room that love the Lord, we're growing as a church.
God is blessing our church. I love the people at this church. I care about you. I pray for you.
I want this church to keep growing. And I know that me personally, my personality is always
perfect. I make mistakes. I need to work on my characteristics. I need to work on my own heart.
I'm asking all of us to work on our hearts because I want to have unity in this church
and work together. We have the common goal to get people saved, to bring people to this church,
they can hear the truth and change their lives. Let's go to the word of prayer. Dear Heavenly
Father, thank you for allowing us to be here in your house here today and ask you to help us,
including myself, to apply this sermon to our lives. And unfortunately, this is a sermon that
all of us will need from time to time because none of us are perfect. And I'm sure all of us
from time to time have some envious or bitterness or strife about a situation. We're upset about a
situation or we can be involved in a situation, God. Help us just be willing to just say we're
sorry, forgive, forget, and help us not to have any bitterness in our hearts, God. I love the
people of this church. This is a great church. Help us continue to grow. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.