Alright, well we're there in Proverbs chapter 22 and we're continuing our series on church
problems and we're talking about strife.
And last week what we talked about were the interior causes of strife.
What are the things on the inside of our own hearts that we have problems with that can
cause us to be in strife or fighting with other people at church or just in your life
in general, in marriage, at work, and things like that.
We talked about the inside.
What I want to talk about in this sermon are the exterior causes of strife.
What are the things on the outside that can sometimes cause people to have fights, especially
in a church setting, but you can absolutely take this to your marriage or your coworkers
and things like that, okay?
So one of the big things that causes people to get into strife at church is actually when
the children get in fights.
Oftentimes you see adults that they get along before this and then there's two three year
olds that get into an argument over a toy and then the parents are mad at each other
for six months.
This is reality.
This is one of the big reasons why you have church problems because sometimes the kids
get into arguments, okay?
Well notice what it says in Proverbs 22 verse 15.
Proverbs 22 verse 15.
It says foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, okay?
Does that say foolishness is bound in the heart of some children?
Not in my Bible.
In all children.
Look, foolishness is bound in the heart of every single child, okay?
Every single child is starting from square one and as parents you are raising and teaching
your children.
Every single child does things that are wrong.
Look, if you hand a one year old, a two year old, or a three year old markers, guess what
they're gonna do?
They're gonna be curious and they're gonna draw on stuff, okay?
This is reality, okay?
Kids make messes, they don't think anything of it.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of every single child, okay?
Now if you're someone who does not have children, then you need to keep that in mind and realize
we're supposed to suffer the little children.
There's a reason why we're a family integrated church and we keep the children with adults.
We all need to realize, you know what, children make mistakes, okay?
Foolishness is bound in the heart of every single child.
It doesn't matter if the parents are the biggest soul winners in the entire world.
There's still foolishness in that child.
Every single one.
And guess what?
When you were two years old, what do you think you did?
You say, well I don't remember causing any problems when I was two.
Of course you don't remember when you were two, okay?
Nobody remembers that far back, but every single person as a young child, you know what,
they make a lot of mistakes, okay?
That is reality.
But what does it say?
But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Now what is that referring to when it says the rod of correction?
It's referring to spanking.
That's what it's referring to, okay?
Now when people spank children, they can either, you know, choose to use their hands or my
wife uses a wooden spoon because obviously I'm a little bit stronger than my wife or
I hope a lot stronger than my wife, but you know, one of the advantages of a wooden spoon
is that when children see that, they immediately are just like, oh no, not the spoon.
And they just like immediately stop acting up oftentimes.
So there's an advantage to actually using an object where they see that and they relate
to that, oh no, you know, once that spoon comes out, okay.
You know, it's like, yes sir, yes ma'am, right?
But the Bible's talking about spanking and the Bible tells us that when you have children,
you are supposed to spank those children.
There are times for that, okay?
Go to Matthew 18, Matthew 18, Matthew chapter 18.
Matthew chapter 18.
Look, it's normal for kids to fight over toys.
It's normal.
Every child, they're going to fight over toys, okay?
Every child's going to be curious and make mistakes.
Now here's the thing about this.
We expect this from young children, but you know, we also expect the adults to be about
mature about situations like this, right?
I mean, shouldn't us as adults be mature when situations like this happen?
Here's the reality.
I promise you, my kids are going to do things wrong.
I'm sure my son and my daughter sometimes, maybe they're going to step on someone's hand
or shove a little kid or take a toy or whatever.
Look, all children do things like that.
Every single child, okay?
Now here's the amazing thing.
Before you have children, it's, oh, it's so easy, right?
My kids are never going to act up or anything like that.
It's like, well, you know, why don't you wait one day, okay?
Because the Bible says foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.
Every child, not some children, every child, okay?
We get our knowledge based on what does the Bible say.
So when, not if, when children act up, what should we do as adults?
Because we don't expect the kids to handle the situation, okay?
Obviously, as the adults, we're the ones that are training and teaching our kids.
Here's what happens.
If somebody does something wrong to my son or my daughter, I should go to the adult quietly
and respectfully and explain the situation.
And the same thing should be done with any parent.
If somebody does something to your child, I should not yell at a two-year-old.
I should not yell at a three-year-old.
Now you might think this is silly, but honestly, this is one of the big reasons for church
fights.
This is a major reason.
You say, why?
Because obviously, as a parent, you naturally take the side of your child.
When kids are fighting and something happens, immediately your reaction as a parent, what
did that child do to my son?
What did that child do to my daughter?
That's your natural reaction.
Why?
You love your child, obviously, okay?
But when a situation like this happens, if a parent comes to you and says, hey, I saw
this take place or this happened or whatever, you know what?
What should take place is you should calmly talk about it with that parent and say, okay,
I'll deal with the problem with my child, okay?
Don't rebuke a child, though.
That's not appropriate for you as an adult to yell at a kid.
No, you should talk to the parent that's responsible for raising that kid, not rebuke a child.
Why?
God gave you children to raise.
But if they're not your children, you're not rebuking somebody else's child, okay?
Go to Deuteronomy chapter 6, Deuteronomy 6.
Actually, go back to Matthew 18.
I never did read the verse, did I?
Matthew 18, my bad.
Getting too excited this morning.
Matthew 18, verse 15, Matthew 18, verse 15, moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against
thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, verse 15, if he shall hear
thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
Whenever there's any problems, any problems in church, you know what, you should talk
to people individually about the situation.
Not go and gossip to everybody else at church, but unfortunately, what's the natural reaction
from our flesh?
Oh, we like to gossip and complain.
Well, so-and-so's kid did this.
No, talk to that parent individually.
That's how you should handle it, okay?
This is how we should handle it as mature adults.
We expect kids to be foolish, but as adults, you ought to be mature about situations.
You should talk to those parents individually regarding the situation, okay?
Here it talks about coming to your brother alone who has trespassed against you.
Now, look, if kids were capable of dealing with this alone, then we would let them deal
with it alone.
But you're not going to expect young children to be able to deal with this alone, okay?
Go to Deuteronomy chapter 6, Deuteronomy 6, Deuteronomy chapter 6.
So when it comes to children getting in fights, you know, letter A, parents should deal with
it.
But letter B, look, do not assume your child did nothing wrong.
That's foolish.
Do not assume that your child is 100% innocent, okay?
Because here's the reality, they're probably not.
If two children get into strife about something, most likely 99.9% of the time, guess what?
Both sides are at fault.
Now one side might be more at fault than the other side, but usually, especially, and this
is with all fights, if two adults get in a fight, usually both sides are wrong, right?
But if two children get in a fight, look, I promise you almost every single time they're
both at fault to some degree.
So if a parent comes to you and says, this happened, or let's say kids are playing and
one starts crying and everything, you know, the natural reaction from a child is, I didn't
do anything.
And you ask them and then children naturally just lie about it.
You don't have to teach your children to lie.
They want to get out of trouble, right?
Don't be the parent that always assumes, well, you know, my little son would never do anything
wrong, right?
It's like my son is always innocent.
He never did.
It's always the other kids.
Here's the problem with that.
If you are always bailing your kids out at a young age, be prepared to bail them out
of jail one day.
That's reality.
You say that's harsh.
No, that's reality.
Look, this might sound harsh.
This is going to help you.
It helps me.
My children are young, right?
I need to apply what the Bible says.
And here's the thing.
If you're always making excuses for your child, be prepared to be visiting them in prison.
That's reality.
Be prepared to have children that are disobedient and don't listen to anything you say when
they're six, seven, eight, nine years old.
Look, when the child does wrong, they must be disciplined.
The Bible says to do this, okay?
Deuteronomy chapter six, verse six, Deuteronomy chapter six, verse six, and these words which
I command thee this day shall be in thine heart.
The word of God should be in your heart.
Deuteronomy six, verse six, verse seven, and thou shalt teach them diligently onto thy
children.
You should be diligent teaching your children the word of God.
You should know the word of God.
You should love the word of God and you should teach your children.
You say when, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou
walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
What's the Bible saying?
At all times.
At all times be teaching your children the word of God.
You say, how does this work?
Here's how it works.
Be prepared at all times to teach your children the word of God.
Let's say for example you're going soul winning, okay?
You're out soul winning with your child and everything and there's somebody who's just
stumbling around drunk.
He's got a bottle of beer in his hand, stumbling around and everything.
You know what?
That is a teachable moment to teach your child why alcohol will destroy their lives.
You should take advantage of those opportunities and teach your child, okay?
When you're living your life and you see people that are screwing up their lives, exact opposite
of what the Bible says, be prepared to teach your children, hey, here's what's wrong with
it.
Okay?
I mean, when my son, you know, once he's coming to Pampong or whatever, I mean, obviously
for a long time that hasn't been possible, but, and you're going by those billboards
of Vice Pong-y, it's like, hey, that's a teachable moment.
Hey, there's something weird with a guy wearing a dress.
And look, our country thinks it's normal.
You say, what?
They're brainwashed.
People are brainwashed by what this world is saying, by what this country is saying,
okay?
You need to un-brainwash these children and show them what does the word of God say, okay?
Be prepared when you're sitting down, which means if you're sitting down having a meal
and you need to teach your children or they start acting makulit and you need to deal
with it, you need to take the time to deal with it.
You say, Brother Stuckey, that sounds difficult.
Yeah, you know what?
It's hard to be a parent.
It's difficult.
It takes effort.
It requires you to be, to use hard work and not to be lazy.
Yeah, it's, it's not easy.
Look, as a parent of a few kids, yeah, you know what?
It is difficult.
It's difficult for all parents.
But foolishness is bound in the heart of every child and you need to teach them the word
of God.
So if a parent comes to you and says, your son did this, and you just make an excuse
for it, you are disobeying what the Bible says when you're supposed to be dealing with
the situation.
You're supposed to teach your children.
You say, my son would never shove another child.
I mean, are you kidding me?
It's just like foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.
That's what the Bible says.
And if you remembered everything in your life from when you were a one year old, two year
old, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, look, you were not perfect, okay?
You made mistakes as well.
I can still think of, and look, I was a very well behaved kid because I was afraid of the
rot.
I was afraid of the spanking I get from my parents.
But I still remember, you know, one time I was in elementary school and I just did something
really foolish to get other kids to laugh.
I pulled a chair out from underneath the girl when I was like nine years old.
She fell and hit the ground and then she said, oh, she's gonna tell the teachers.
And I was begging her, please don't.
Everyone's laughing and she's mad and everything.
I was scared to death.
You say, why?
My parents found out.
If my parents found out, it would hurt me a lot more to sit down than her when she fell.
Okay.
I would have been spanked really, really hard for that.
But you know what?
I was a pretty well behaved kid because my parents were strict and I did things that
were makulit and malikot.
I did things that were wrong.
Every child will do things wrong.
So look, if someone says, hey, your child did this, don't be the parent that is just
always bailing out your child.
No, my son didn't do it.
It was their fault.
Okay.
No, I mean, your kids are going to make mistakes.
Every child makes mistakes.
Okay.
Proverbs 13.
Turn to Proverbs 13.
Proverbs 13.
Now at our church, we are set up a little bit differently than other churches in a lot
of different ways.
But one of the big things is we have a mother baby room.
Okay.
And I want to take some time to explain this because I know it may be a new concept compared
to other churches and stuff like that.
And we talk about it a little bit in the bulletin and things like that, but I want to help you
understand something.
Okay.
Number one, it's not meant to be for fathers or men or things like that, but it's also
meant to be, it's meant to be for moms.
That's why we call it the mother baby room.
And it is meant to be a room where there's no gossip going on, where the people inside
that room are paying attention to the sermon.
And look, if you're in there and not paying attention now, start paying attention unless
you want to get preached against.
Okay.
It's meant to be a room where you're paying attention.
You say, why?
Because children need to see parents that love the word of God and care about the church.
They need to see dad and mom paying attention.
Church is not a time to goof off.
Okay.
In the church services, we are meant to be engaged, paying attention, taking notes, writing
things down.
Why?
Isn't this the pillar and ground of the truth?
Do you believe that when you come to this church, you're going to learn the word of
God?
If you're going to learn the word of God and you're already going to take out time out
of your schedule to be here, then pay attention during the sermon.
It makes no sense to be here and then just not be paying attention.
Like why would you do that?
You're wasting your time then.
Okay.
Look, this is something that gets preached at every church because I understand mother
baby rooms are new and stuff like that, but you should be paying attention in the mother
baby room and I'll promise you this.
There are moms and ladies that go to that room from time to time and they want to pay
attention and you should not be a distraction and be gossiping during the services and preventing
people from paying attention.
We need a church full of people where moms and dads love the word of God, where moms
and dads read the Bible, where moms and dads know the Bible.
You say, why?
We're teaching our children and it's not going to work if one parent loves the word of God
and the other one doesn't.
We need all parents, all people motivated to live for God.
Why?
Churches are built on families.
That's what builds churches.
Churches are built on families and we need families engaged in the preaching.
Now one thing I've done since I've been married with my wife, even going back to when I lived
in West Virginia before Verity Baptist, I would just always ask my wife, hey, what was
your favorite part of the service?
What was your favorite thing during the sermon?
What did you learn during the preaching?
I would encourage all families to talk about the word of God when they go home and ask
those questions.
Okay.
And I'll tell you what, as husbands, you need to make sure your wives are paying attention.
That's an easy way to do it.
Ask them, hey, what was your favorite part of the sermon?
And if they, they never can remember anything from the sermon, something's wrong, right?
Now we understand that kids act foolish and it's difficult as moms.
They're not going to get as much from the sermons as men.
We understand that because you know what?
It's difficult.
If you have to spank your children, you have to hold your children.
It's hard.
They're not always able to take notes, but, but the ladies should be trying as best as
they can to pay attention and take notes and learn.
You say, why?
You're going to be the one teaching your kids primarily when you are raising your kids.
It's the moms that are teaching the word of God more than the husbands.
Isn't that right?
Look, if the moms are the ones that are mainly teaching their kids the word of God, guess
what?
The moms need to know the word of God, which means when the child asks a question and you
never know the answer, there's a problem.
Hey, start learning the word of God now so you can be ready to teach your children.
And look, when it comes to our church, we need moms and dads on board with the things
of God.
We need to build families at this church that love God.
And I want you to understand something.
Look, if only one parent is on board, what's going to happen is it's going to cause the
children to not take it as seriously.
Now I understand right now it's a difficult time in terms of going out with soul winning,
not being able to have children and stuff like that, but I want you to understand something.
When you have your first child, that is not retirement from soul winning.
Why would you want to retire from soul winning?
That's my question.
Why would you want to retire from soul winning because it's like, well, my job is to raise
the kids.
No, your job is to raise the kids, but also be spiritual.
Not just say, well, I have a child now, so it's all my husband's job.
Why would your kids decide to go soul winning if only one parent likes it?
But you know, those kids are going to go soul winning when they see both parents that love
soul winning, both parents that love the Bible, both parents that love the things of God.
Now is it difficult?
Absolutely it's difficult.
Living the Christian life is not easy.
It's a lot easier before you have children to read the Bible and to have time.
It is very difficult.
I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm trying to encourage you today and help you realize
that if only one parent is engaged in the things of God, those kids are not going to
be that engaged with the preaching.
We do not have a junior church for many reasons.
We keep the children with the parents for safety purposes and so can everyone can hear
the same word of God.
But the purpose of the mother baby room is to train those children to be ready to pay
attention.
You say, why?
I want my son hearing this, not somewhere in outer space.
God has reserved a place for all those that trust him and obey these goofy, stupid songs.
No, I want kids to hear and can it be, I want kids to hear the banner of the cross.
You say, why?
Because what's good for the adults is good for the children.
They all need to hear this preaching, but you say, Oh, my child's only two.
They're not going to pick up anything.
Children pick up a lot more than you realize a lot more.
Look, your children will model everything you do, everything.
Everything you do, I mean, whatever, whatever it is you do, your children will just copy
everything you do.
So guess what our son did, you know, when, when, when we're taking him out soul winning
here in the Philippines, he started just knocking on everybody's door in the apartment complex.
You say why?
Because what is he used to daddy doing?
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
You know, he's learning to go soul winning before he's even saved.
Why?
Because that's what mom and dad do.
He doesn't understand why we knock on doors, but dad does it.
I do it.
My son's always just like, you know, amen.
It's like time to pray.
He's like, amen.
He's excited.
He doesn't know what he's doing.
You say, why does he do that?
Because he hears mom and dad praying and they say amen.
So what does he do?
He does the same thing.
That is, is both encouraging and scary as a parent because I remember just the moment
with my son where he reached that age and I was watching something on computer, which
was like a sermon or something like that.
But I noticed he was just paying attention to everything I was doing.
He just wanted to be there with daddy.
And I was just like, man, I better make sure that everything I watch is actually edifying.
Why?
Because, you know, my son is following the example that I'm setting.
Your kids will follow the example and look, I know it's difficult and you know, that's
why the mother baby room is meant to be a help.
We want it to be a blessing to the ladies, but you know, ladies, you should be paying
attention there, sitting up, paying attention to the sermons.
And look, you know, if your kids are able to sit through the services, get them to sit
through the services.
The sooner, the better.
Is it difficult?
Absolutely.
It's not easy to raise kids, but you know what?
If you want to be successful as parents, you need to do the best you can.
Okay.
Notice what it says in Proverbs 13, Proverbs 13, Proverbs 13.
So if children get in a fight, you know, parents should deal with it.
Don't assume your child is innocent.
And here's the next step.
Discipline your child if necessary.
What does it say in Proverbs 13 verse 24?
He that spareth his rod, hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Okay.
Betimes means early, meaning early in their life at a young age.
Okay.
He that spareth his rod, hateth his son.
Oh, I love my child too much to spank them.
What verse in the Bible taught you that?
Because according to the Bible, he that spareth his rod, hated his son.
See, according to the Bible, if you love your children, you're going to spank them.
You say why?
Spanking requires effort.
You know what's easier than spanking?
Yelling at your child.
But does God say to yell at your child when they do wrong?
He says to spank the child.
Now look, I believe I understand the purposes of this and there's many verses that talk
about this.
But even if you don't understand all of the reasons why God has a system, just follow
God's system.
This is what the Bible says, okay?
And it says, you know, you're going to chasten him betimes, which is early in life.
And it requires work.
Because you know, you're going about your day and you're busy.
And look, I don't know if you realize this because I try to be discreet when I discipline
my kids.
But you know, oftentimes I spank my son at church.
Now you might not notice it because I go into the back room and I close the door and I try
to be quiet about it.
And I try not to lose my temper.
And my son, if he gets a spanking, I hug him, I say, I love you, son.
This is why you got the spanking.
But look, there's no doubt that both my wife and I, we spank our children when necessary.
Okay?
And we don't notice it because we're not going to do it in front of everybody.
We want to be kind to the child, not to embarrass them and stuff like that.
But look, when it's necessary, when your child does wrong, you spank them.
That is the system God set up, okay?
Now you might ask this question, well, why do we spank our children or when do we spank
our children?
See, a mistake in understanding this concept is this, that if something really bad happens,
that equals spanking.
Okay?
Well, let me tell you why that doesn't make sense.
Let's say my son accidentally knocks over a big plate of spaghetti and breaks the plate
and it's a big mess.
He doesn't deserve a spanking if he accidentally did it.
Now sometimes, and generally it's true with parents that don't regularly discipline their
children, when something big like that happens, they lose their temper and start spanking
the child.
Well, if it's an accident, I accidentally break things.
You know what I mean?
Why do we spank our children or when do we do it?
When they disobey.
When they do something they know is wrong and they do it anyway, okay?
And look, I know there's going to be a lot of first time parents here.
I encourage you to pay attention to what I'm saying.
I want to help you out.
Look, the reason why you spank is when your children willingly disobey.
They know something is wrong and they do it anyway.
Because some people say, well, you know what, those children are far too young to spank.
I'm just going to wait until they're four years old.
Well, what verse in the Bible told you four years old is the magical age?
Why four?
I'm just trying to help you out.
If you're like, I just, you know, they're too young, I'm not going to spank them until
they're four or five years old.
Well, I hope your child doesn't slap you in public.
I hope your child will actually be obedient because here's the thing, if you provide no
instruction to your kids until they're four or five, good luck.
Good luck.
You say, why?
Foolishness is bound in the heart of every child.
Not some children.
Every child.
That is what the Bible says.
So you say, when do you spank, Brother Stuckey?
When my kids do something they know is wrong.
And once kids reach the age where they understand the word no and they disobey, that equals
spanking.
Now, how hard you spank them is based on how makulit they were.
But whether or not you spank them is, did they obey or disobey?
Does that make sense what I'm saying?
If my son disobeys and it's something small, he's going to get a spanking and it's going
to be small.
If he disobeys and it's something really bad, like let's say, for example, he's going to
throw something at me when he's mad at me, well, obviously the spanking is bigger.
But the reason why he gets the spanking is when he willingly disobeys, okay?
You say, why do you do that system?
Well, that's God's system.
Isn't it true some things got more punished than others in God's perfect law?
But if you do something small, you're still going to reap what you sow, okay?
Even as a saved person, you're going to reap what you sow.
And if you do something small, the punishment is small.
But there's still a punishment.
You say, when is that age where they can understand the word no?
Well, people have different opinions, but I'll tell you what, both my kids before the
age of one, before 12 months, were able to understand.
Our daughter, we just determined the last couple of days, we kind of confirmed, okay?
She definitely understands the word no, and she's starting to disobey sometimes.
And just like Zeph, she loves this thing right here, okay?
You say, well, I'm just too loving to spank my child.
Well, hopefully your child doesn't electrocute themselves.
It's like, look here, you as the parent have knowledge the child doesn't have.
They see a hole here, and they say, let me just grab a knife and see what happens.
And you're just not going to, I mean, when you spank them, guess what happens?
You know, it teaches them, hey, I'm not going to do that anymore.
They don't understand why, but they understand the result of disobeying.
And look, our daughter, we confirmed really in the last couple of days that you know what,
she's heard the word no, and she looks, and she's curious.
Does mom and dad really mean it?
Are they really serious?
And it's like, yeah, but you know, she understands.
Now look, I'm not saying every child is at the exact age, but look, your child understands
the word no before the age of five.
Good night.
Children can get saved before the age of five.
They certainly understand the word no.
You say, I don't know, I'm just too loving to spank my children.
Is that the God we serve that is just too loving to discipline us when we act up?
You're supposed to be a picture of the God that we worship.
And guess what?
We worship a loving God, but he also disciplines us when we disobey.
And here's the thing.
You know what?
If you don't apply what the Bible is saying here, then you know what?
You're giving a bad representation of the God that we worship.
Now I want you to understand something.
Everybody has been given their own children to raise.
It's my job to raise my own children.
It's your job to raise your own children.
I'm just trying to give you advice from the word of God and a practical thing.
When they disobey, that's when the spanking takes place.
It makes sense.
It's logical.
Okay, so look, if a situation happens and your child is to blame, discipline your child.
What you see sometimes is 15 kids are playing and something breaks, and every child denies
breaking it.
And you know what I've seen take place is adults, not at this church, but at other places
where basically adults have this attitude, well, this kid wasn't spanked, so I'm not
going to spank my child.
That is the wrong philosophy.
It doesn't matter if nobody's spanking their children.
If your child does something wrong, they need to be spanked.
And I'll tell you what, I've seen the best parents are the ones that actually discipline
their children in these situations.
Let me give you a great example of someone who does a great job disciplining their children.
Brother Jared Pozornski, who runs the Verity Baptist Church Fresno Church plan.
I mean, from day one, you could tell his kids are respectful, they're mature, and look,
he's visited here.
Everyone would say the same thing about his children.
Talk about respectful children.
Imagine how that happened.
But I've seen the same parents discipline their child when necessary, and you know what?
It works.
God's methods work.
They work.
Let me tell you something.
I got spanked all the time growing up.
All the time.
And guess what?
I turned out right.
Okay?
Now look, obviously we've talked about before, you need to provide both admonition and love.
If all you're doing is spanking, there's a problem there.
You've got to provide love and encouragement and spend time.
But look, it is also your job not to just be the friend of your child.
Yes, be the friend of your son, but also be the authority figure.
What a friend we have in Jesus, but we also worship a God that punishes us when we act
up.
Okay?
Turn to Proverbs 29.
Proverbs 29.
When it comes to this topic of disciplining your children, you've really got two choices.
Am I going to listen to the world's philosophies or listen to what the Bible says?
Here's the thing.
The philosophies come in direct contrast with the Bible on this topic.
No question about it.
Okay?
And doesn't the Bible say chasing your children and discipline them while there is hope?
The Bible is saying, you know what, if you wait too long, it's too late.
Everybody would agree, well, if you wait until they're 20 years old, it's too late.
I think we'd agree if you wait until 15, it's too late.
But how do you determine what that age is?
You determine when they're able to understand right and wrong and what obeying means, what
the word no means, and they choose to just disobey anyway.
That is when you start, okay, with your child.
Proverbs 29 verse 15.
The rod and reproof give wisdom, once again referring to spanking, okay?
But a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Now the rod is referring to the spanking, but reproof is basically when you're teaching
them, correcting them.
When a child gets spanked, you need to tell them why they got spanked.
Even if they're one year old, to the best of your ability.
When you spank your child, you're meant to spank them properly, not lose your temper,
then hug them, kiss them on the cheek.
I love you, son.
This is why you got the spanking.
Now no parent ever has the perfect attitude when they spank their children.
Sometimes you're emotionally make mistakes, but that is the goal, to spank them in love
under the proper attitude and show them that you actually care about them.
And you know, here's the amazing thing.
Thirty seconds after that spanking, what does a child do almost every time?
They hug you.
They feel bad about it.
They forgive you immediately.
They don't hold a grudge like, oh, my child's gonna hate me, for like 15 seconds.
That's it, okay?
Right afterwards, they forgive you, okay?
God's method works, okay?
Proverbs 29, what it says, the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth
his mother to shame.
If a child is left to themselves, they will embarrass their moms is what the Bible's saying.
And here's the thing, parents that do not discipline their children, they are very embarrassed
by their children in public, okay?
Now I want you to understand something, that all children are gonna embarrass their parents
from time to time.
That happens all the time.
You say, Brother Psyche, do your kids ever embarrass you?
Does Zeph ever embarrass you?
Yes.
When he does something wrong, it's embarrassing as a parent.
You feel like it's the end of the world, and oh, man, this is terrible and everything.
But then if you actually pay attention, all children act up sometimes, and you're gonna
pay more attention to it than other parents.
But I want you to realize something, the less you discipline your children, the more they're
gonna embarrass you.
And I remember what Pastor Mendez preached before, which makes a lot of sense.
He's like, deal with situations privately so you do not have to deal with them publicly.
It's like if you want to avoid being embarrassed in public, well, make sure you discipline
them at home.
Get in the effort when necessary to discipline your child.
That way you don't have to be embarrassed in public in front of people.
Verse 16, when the wicked are multiplied, transgression increases, but the righteous
shall see their fall.
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yet he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Parents that actually discipline their children, they can be very proud of their kids that
turn out right and are respectful and are good kids and are helpful.
They give rest unto their parents.
They give delight unto thy souls.
Look, these things I take by faith since my children are young, but you know, the greatest
delight I could think of is seeing my son at 12 years old, knocking doors, preaching
the gospel, being respectful and just a good kid.
That's gonna give you delight as a parent.
Now look, disciplining your children is not easy, but you know what, it is something the
Bible tells you to do.
So I want you to realize this, when it comes to strife happening in church, oftentimes
though it's the children that get into arguments with one another.
When that takes place, be mature about it as an adult.
Talk to that parent, deal with the situation, and you know what, discipline your child if
necessary.
Okay?
Now turn in your Bible to Proverbs 17, Proverbs 17, Proverbs 17, but I want you to understand
something.
If another child is acting up and does something to your child or whatever, and you know what,
it really makes you very angry that they're not raising their kids right or whatever,
and you're just mad and gossiping.
Well here's the thing, they might be messing up on their end, that's the exterior cause
of strife, but you know there's an interior cause within your own heart that's making
you so mad.
And look, this is a harsh reality, but it's a reality nonetheless, that even if people
do lots of things wrong on the outside, if it causes you to be filled full of strife,
that is revealing a problem within your own heart.
Okay?
You cannot change the things that take place on the outside.
What you can change is your own heart.
Okay?
Proverbs 17.
So point number one is this, children, children are often the source of church fights where
basically the parents will get mad, and six months down the road, those parents do not
talk to each other because they were fighting over a train toy, you know, when they're two
years old.
This is reality.
Okay?
I hope that at our church we'll be more mature than this as adults, I hope I will be more
mature, my wife will be more mature, I hope all of us will.
Because we need to understand, everyone in this room needs to understand, children are
gonna act up.
That's the way children are, and it's difficult to be a parent.
It takes effort, it's not easy.
We need to be long suffering with people that are parents, and realize that, you know what,
our kids act up as well.
Okay?
Proverbs 17.
Point number one is children, children are often the source of church strife.
Another thing that is a source of church strife is chiming in.
What do I mean by chiming in?
Giving advice, meddling, telling people what to do.
Chiming in and always giving your opinion like, you need to do this, you need to do
this.
And that is often the source of church strife because it comes across as obnoxious when
people give you advice and you don't want it.
Okay?
Proverbs 17 verse 27.
He that hath knowledge spareth his words, and a man of understanding is of an excellent
spirit.
The Bible says if you have knowledge, then you're gonna spare your words.
And what that means is you don't always have an opinion about everything.
Now you might have the knowledge on a situation, but it doesn't mean that people wanna know
what your opinion is.
Okay?
And if you really have knowledge, you're actually gonna spare your words.
Okay?
Look, nobody would say that I leave this pulpit and just tell people you're messing up this
and this and this and this.
I saw this wrong, this wrong.
Look, if you have knowledge, you're gonna spare your words.
Okay?
And I want you to realize something.
When we chime in and meddle and give advice when it's not asked for, oftentimes it causes
the person hearing it to immediately reject what's being said, even if you're right.
Just to be stubborn.
Now, is that wrong for them to do that?
Absolutely.
But that is what takes place.
So I want you to realize, you know what, if you have the perfect advice, you know what,
wait for the right time.
Wait for the right time or it's just not gonna be effective.
Even a fool when he holdeth his peace is counted wise.
And he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.
The Bible says even people that are foolish, when they do not speak, you just assume they're
wise.
Right?
If there's a conversation taking place and you don't know what you're talking about,
you want to know how to look intelligent, don't say anything.
That's the secret.
Look, you know, you shouldn't always have an opinion on everything, because you're not
an expert at everything.
Okay?
I mean, if you don't know what you're talking about, it's best just to be quiet about it.
You say, why?
It makes you look smarter.
That's what the Bible's saying in Proverbs 17.
Go to Proverbs 20, Proverbs 20.
You're going to Proverbs 20, I'll read you in James 1 where it says, let every man be
swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
Look, you know, we shouldn't always have to have an opinion because we're not experts
at everything.
I don't feel the need to have an opinion on every single thing in this world.
Now, if it's something that I'm educated about, of course, I'm gonna have an opinion about
it.
Okay?
It doesn't necessarily mean, though, my opinion needs to be said either, though.
Okay?
For example, let's say Brother Chris and I were having a conversation about being a math
teacher.
I used to be a math teacher.
He's a math teacher.
So I'm sure we have different ideas of how to teach kids fractions and things like that.
But I want you to understand, you know, if you're not a math teacher, I would say, well,
I think this is how you should teach fractions.
Okay?
I mean, do you have any experience with that?
It's like, I mean, I'm going to teach you, this is how to be a good German teacher.
I'm going to teach Brother Matthias after the service, hey, this would help you become
a better German teacher.
It's like, am I going to know what I'm talking about?
No.
I mean, I don't speak German other than a few words.
Okay?
Proverbs, Proverbs 20, verse 3, it is an honor for a man to cease from strife, but every
fool will be meddling.
You should consider it honorable if you're not involved in fights.
You should say, that's great that I'm not involved in fights.
That's a good thing.
Okay?
Now turn to Titus 2, Titus 2, Titus 2.
There's many examples we can look at about when not to chime in.
Okay?
One of the big examples we go soul winning every single Sunday is, I mean, every, throughout
the week as a church is like when you're going soul winning, there's a speaker and a silent
partner.
When you're the silent partner, unless the speaker is asking for your help, it's good
to be a silent partner.
That's why we call it speaker and silent partner.
Okay?
And so it can be confusing to the person you're talking to if both people are having an opinion,
because sometimes when I preach the gospel, I have a direction I'm going.
Okay?
Now I explain eternal security in every conversation.
Anyone who's heard me preach the gospel in Tagalog, I'm very in depth and I explain all
the points, but you know, I might go about it a different way than you.
You know, maybe you go to Romans 6 before Acts 16.
I always go to Acts 16 after I've explained that Jesus rose again.
For me, that works best, but you know, if we're still both explaining the same point,
if you interrupt the conversation partway through, it can be confusing to the person
you're talking to.
And so here's the thing.
The beauty about going soul winning is this, that everybody has some doors where they're
a speaker and some doors where they're a silent partner.
And so when you're the silent partner, what's your job?
To pray for the conversation, right?
To distract, you know, the dog that's interrupting, right?
That dog comes out and you pet that dog or that cat comes out and I hate cats.
I mean, that'd be tough for me, but you pet that cat or whatever.
I mean, you do what is necessary.
And look, the reality is when we go soul winning, sometimes there's distractions.
Sometimes there's a group of kids that might be distracting the conversation.
You take those kids aside and start talking to those kids.
Okay.
You say, why?
It's helping the person get saved.
That is one example.
But let me give you the biggest example where people chime in and it causes hard feelings.
When people tell other people how to raise their children.
You know, what I've found is usually the people that will tell you what you need to do as
a parent don't have any kids.
This is reality.
So often there will be women who do not have children and they'll say, well, this is what
you're doing wrong.
It's like, my goodness, that's rude, right?
I mean, it's just like, and you know, honestly it is a problem with our sort of movement
because people get some knowledge and they hear some sermons and they think they're an
expert and it's just like, I'll tell you what, that causes a lot of hard feelings.
Look, if you've never raised any kids, you don't know what you're talking about.
I mean, that is reality.
And this is a big source of fights at churches.
Just like, look, you know, if you don't have any kids, if you haven't raised them, then
why would you tell another mom, hey, you know what, this would help you out so your child
doesn't act up as much.
It's like, you don't have kids.
It's like, why would you be giving an opinion when you're not an expert at it?
Okay, look, if you don't have experience with something, it's not the best time to chime
in with an opinion.
Okay.
And look, I get it, that the simple solution when kids act up is always give them candy,
but what's the long-term effect of always giving them candy?
It's much worse, okay.
So look, I want you to realize that if you're not an expert at any topic that comes up,
if you have no experience whatsoever, don't give your opinion, okay.
I mean, think about whatever it is you're good at.
Whatever it is that you have experienced, imagine if somebody who had no experience
came up to you and said, you know what, this is what you're doing wrong.
It'd be offensive, wouldn't it?
This is what you're screwing up, right.
You know, hey, this would help you preach a better sermon, Brother Stock.
I've been saved for six months, I've never preached a sermon before, but you know what,
you're making mistakes in this, this, this, this, and this, right.
Or you know, I've had people come soul winning for the first time.
First time they go soul winning, and they're correcting you after the conversation.
You screwed up this and this and this.
It's like, oh, that is irritating, right.
Look, if you've been a soul winner for a while, you know, whenever people come,
now some people when they come for the first time are respectful,
some people when they come for the first time, it's like they're an expert at everything.
And this goes back to what I said several weeks ago about the Dunning-Kruger effect
that, you know, a friend of mine preached on in the US.
How basically when people have little knowledge, they end up getting puffed up
and thinking they have lots of knowledge.
And yet give opinions when in reality they just don't have the experience
to understand all of these things, okay.
If you're going to have an opinion, make sure it's something that you're educated about.
Make sure it's something that you have knowledge about, okay.
And you also have to realize this, that if people are not asking for your advice,
they probably don't want your advice, okay.
Titus 2 verse 3, Titus 2 verse 3.
The aged women likewise that they be in behavior has become with holiness,
not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things,
that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands,
to love their children.
The Bible shows us that there is a time for women with experience,
aged women, to teach the young women.
But that's not just a green light, okay, where no matter what I just get to teach whatever.
It's like you should still wait for the younger ladies to ask for advice.
Now, I believe if you're smart at a church as a new mom and as a new wife, you know what,
you should get advice from godly people that are serving God,
that have done a good job with their families and have experience.
But here's the thing, if the younger ladies don't ask for advice,
it's not the best time to give advice, okay.
Now, I would hope that our church, you know, younger ladies would feel comfortable
getting advice in certain situations, but if they don't, it's not the time to chime in, okay.
Go to Philippians 3, Philippians 3, Philippians 3.
Now, look, I get it, this sort of sermon series, it's a lot easier to say amen
than when I preach against the Hindus, right.
This sort of sermon series, look, here's the reality.
I say probably every one of us in this room can be guilty of either being guilty of some,
of doing these things or being upset when they're done,
and that's revealing problems within ourselves.
Every one of us can take this sermon and apply it to our lives, including myself,
every single one of us, okay.
Other controversial items that, you know, it's a good idea to avoid chiming in are vaccines,
health-related items, medicines, diets, things like that,
because people have different opinions, right.
We need to be very careful because people have very different opinions on stuff like that, okay.
It's an opinion-based thing, and you know what, people have very strong opinions on different sides.
You know, political things, probably at our church, we wouldn't have major differences,
but certain things like that might have very different opinions as well, okay.
Things like finances and investing.
One person says, Bitcoin is the way to get rich.
Another one says, buy gold.
Another one says, buy silver.
Different opinions, okay.
It can lead to a lot of hard feelings and arguments and having strife about things
that are pretty much irrelevant, okay.
But another thing I want you to realize are personal stances.
I want you to notice Philippians 3 verse 14.
It says, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Now, we know that Paul the Apostle was already saved.
He was already saved, but he was pressing toward the mark of getting close to God, okay.
He's trying to get close to God and live a godly life, okay.
Now, I want you to notice verse 15, which is tied together with verse 14.
Let us therefore, therefore connects verses 14 and 15, right.
Let us therefore as many as be perfect.
What is perfect?
Perfect is not sinless in the Bible.
It means complete.
What it's saying is people that are trying to be complete Christians and press toward
that mark and be godly, okay.
Be thus minded.
What he's saying is this, if you're trying to live for God, have your mind focused on
the things of God pressing toward that mark.
But notice this, and if in anything ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this
unto you.
What he's saying is this, as you get closer to God, if you're actually trying to fix your
life, God will reveal things that you need to change the closer you get to God.
And isn't that true?
When you first got saved and first started coming to church and first started going soul
winning, there are many things that you probably wouldn't do now.
Certain things that you listened to, certain things you watched, and you know what?
You said, well, you know what?
At the time you didn't see anything wrong with certain things, and as you got closer
to God, you started to have stronger stances against certain things, against worldliness
and things like that.
But what you must understand is the Bible's saying God is going to be the one to reveal
that to people.
Go home today and look at your house when it's dark, and tell me if it looks dirty,
if it's completely dark.
You're not going to notice any problems.
But when the light comes on, wow, I see an E piece crawling around.
I see some dust over there.
I see my child through the spaghetti sauce on the floor or whatever.
It's like you're going to start seeing some problems as the light is shining on it.
And the closer we get to the light, the more problems you'll see in your life.
But here's the thing.
If you've been saved for 20 years and soul winning for 15 years or whatever, and someone
got saved two weeks ago, look, they're not necessarily ready for all of those changes
you're trying to throw at them.
Because they just got saved.
You must allow God to work on their hearts.
You must allow the preaching of God's word and them getting a personal walk with God,
and they're going to learn these things.
Okay?
Look, the music I listened to after I got saved was still messed up.
And as I got close to God, I made more changes.
And there's a lot of things that we can get very strongly opinionated about that are just
opinions.
Some places I would not go to this sort of restaurant because...
But other people might hear that and disagree with you.
And you might be right because you've gotten closer to God and it's a little bit too worldly,
but someone else might look at that and not agree with you.
And it causes church strife when you're giving opinions like, hey, you know what, you really
shouldn't dress like that.
That's rude.
It's obnoxious to go up to people and say, you're screwing up your life, you should change
this.
I want you to realize something.
I preach sermons and I preach some tough things.
I preach what the Bible says, but I never go outside of the pulpit and say, you're dressed
wrong.
I never do that.
I will preach everything the Bible says, but I don't go outside the pulpit and do that.
You say, why?
Because it's not effective for one.
What is effective is God's methods and God ordained the preaching of God's word, which
means people come in and I preach a sermon and I'm not like, hey, point one, brother
Marlin.
Point two, brother Raffi.
Point three, no, I mean, because that's rude.
And when you go individually and tell people, hey, you're screwed up on this, this and this,
it comes across as obnoxious and bastos.
And it is.
But when I preach a sermon, I'm not directing this sermon towards anyone.
I'm just preaching what the Bible says when we're talking about this idea of having strife.
And look, here's the thing.
If it hits someone, it's a lot easier to take that when someone's not rude to you, where
I'm just preaching a sermon and they can say, hey, this is what the Bible says.
I need to apply it to my life.
So be very careful to chime in and give opinions, especially on controversial things and make
sure the words you're saying are edifying, not insulting.
Now turn in your Bible to Proverbs chapter 26.
One thing that causes church fights and church strife are when children get in fights.
It causes parents to get in fights sometimes.
Another thing is people chiming in and giving their opinions.
Another thing that causes church strife, and I've got to make sure this is alliterated,
though, is cheese me's, right?
Cheese me's chit chat or gossip.
If you want alliterated chit chat or cheese me's, TS, but it's still the ch sound, right?
Cheese me's or gossip, that causes church strife.
And what I mean by that, chiming in is when you tell somebody and you offend them.
Gossip or cheese me's, you're telling somebody else about someone and they find out about
it.
And once people find out that they've been gossiped about, my goodness, people get mad
about that.
Isn't that true?
That causes major, major church strife.
Proverbs 26 verse 17, he that passeth by and meddleth with strife belonging not to him
is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.
And so I talked about last week, basically someone who's just kind of walking by, they
see some strife and they're like, oh man, I like this.
I love that cheese me's and they get involved in that situation that does not involve them.
Verse 18, as a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, so is a man that deceiveth
his neighbor and sayeth him, not I in sport.
As I talked about last week, a mad man is referring to someone who's value, crazy.
It's referring to someone having a loaded weapon who is insane and just randomly firing
out and hitting people.
Don't give a, I mean, the Bible is saying, don't give a crazy person a weapon, okay?
No one would ever do that because you don't know what's going to happen.
They're randomly shooting.
Someone is going to get hit.
Verse 20, where no wood is, there the fire goeth out.
So where there is no tail bearer, the strife ceaseth.
The Bible says the strife will cease if nobody spreads the gossip.
Unfortunately people always spread the gossip.
That's the way it works.
Oh, I'm just telling my one friend and they tell their one friend and they tell their
one friend and then everybody knows.
And then eventually it gets back to that person.
Now we don't even know what's going to get back to them.
Something starts off small and all of a sudden just kind of spreads and the thing that gets
back is 20 times worse or whatever.
You don't really know.
Okay.
Verse 21, as coals are to burning coals and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to candle
strife.
The words of a tail bearer are as wounds and they go down into the innermost parts of the
belly.
When people gossip about you, it causes wounds.
It causes real pain.
It hurts on the inside.
Look, if somebody calls you lazy or whatever and then you hear about that, you get offended
by it.
It comes across as a wound.
See, I mean, if you're going to follow what the Bible says of being a godly Christian,
you're going to have nice things coming out of your mouth.
Not being rude, not causing major problems and stuff like that.
And you must understand that cheese means always gets around to people.
Gossip always gets around.
Okay.
Now turn to Jude chapter one, Jude one, Jude one.
And here's the reality.
I would be very, very careful with the people that you feel comfortable gossiping with.
You say why?
Because those people are often gossips that gossip with a lot of people.
And let me tell you something, the same person that's going to gossip about other people
is the same person that's going to gossip about you.
That's the reality.
Okay.
Whenever somebody is a big gossip, you know what?
Be very, very careful.
You feel like they're only gossiping to you.
Nope.
It's not the way it works.
The people that are really big gossips, they will gossip to everybody about everything
because they love it.
It's exciting to them.
Right?
We talked about that last week with strife as well and interior causes, gossiping, loving
to know everything and just spreading it on and stuff.
Be very careful when you feel like comfortable gossiping with people.
Okay.
You say why?
Verse 16, these are murmurs, complainers walking after their own lust and their mouth speak
at great swelling words.
What does great swelling words mean in Jude one verse 16?
It means words that are very flattery that will pump you and swell you full of pride.
It's like, oh, that is the greatest sermon I've ever heard.
Be careful about that person, right?
They're trying to swell you full of pride.
Be careful about the person who's a big flatter because if I was as a flatter and the gossip
are one and the same, okay, having men's persons in admiration because of advantage.
Why would people do this?
Because they're trying to get advantage of you.
They're trying to use a situation for their advantage.
Now, the reference here in Jude is referencing people that are false prophets.
Okay.
The reality is that you can definitely be a gossip without being a false prophet.
But what I'm trying to illustrate to you is that if somebody is a big gossip, you want
to be very careful because they might be someone who's causing problems in church and they
might spread on bad information, okay?
Verse 17, but beloved, remember ye the words which are spoken before the apostles of our
Lord Jesus Christ, how that they told you there should be mockers in the last time who
should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the spirit.
These people, the flatterers, they separate.
Why do they separate people?
Because they cannot say publicly in front of everybody what they want to say.
They've got to separate to do the gossip, okay?
And so they'll separate people, spread the gossip, talk to them about it, and guess what?
They will make you feel comfortable and you'll say things and they'll take that information,
they'll go to somebody else, and they'll take that information and go to somebody else.
This is how they operate.
Be very careful about the person that you feel comfortable gossiping with.
You say, why?
They might be a bad person.
They might be trying to spread and cause problems at church, okay?
You always are going to feel like they're your best friend.
Why?
They're flatterers.
They're fake.
They're phonies.
They are acting like your friend, but they're not.
They're just using you, okay?
That is reality.
Look, be very careful about the person you feel comfortable criticizing this church about.
You say, oh, I feel comfortable saying Brother Stuckey's messing up this, this, and this.
It's like, well, hey, if you've got a problem with me, talk to me one on one.
Now, I don't know of a situation right now that we're dealing with like this, but the
reality is there's church strife and problems in church.
Let me tell you something.
There's a problem if you feel comfortable gossiping to one of your friends here and
criticizing our church or criticizing anybody.
There is a problem with that.
Let me tell you something.
Those are the people you don't want to be friends with.
Why?
They're going to cause you harm, and they're going to gossip about you to other people,
and a lot of church strife takes place.
Cheese me's is a major reason.
Cheese me's is a major reason for fights in church, okay?
Now turn in your Bible to 1 Samuel 25, 1 Samuel 25, 1 Samuel 25.
So point number one is this, children are often the source of church strife.
Point number two, chiming in is a source of church strife.
Point number three, cheese me's, chit chat, or gossip is a source of church strife oft
times.
So when people are churlish, churlish, c-h-u-r-l-i-s-h, you say, what is churlish?
Well, the good thing is the Bible defines its own words, so we're going to look at what
this word means.
1 Samuel 25 verse 3, now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail,
and she was a woman of good understanding and of a beautiful countenance, but the man
was churlish and evil in his doings, and he was of the house of Caleb, 1 Samuel 25 verse
3.
All right?
So it means that he was churlish, okay?
What does churlish mean?
It basically means bastos.
It basically means rude.
It basically means obnoxious.
Is that the right chapter?
Or do I have the wrong reference?
People are looking around.
1 Samuel 25, 3, yeah?
It means bastos, okay?
And Nabal was just a very rude person, which means instead of being polite, he was just
always rude in his response, okay?
Verse 10, and Nabal answered David's servants and said, Who is David and who is the son
of Jesse?
There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master, okay?
Now I want you to understand something.
This whole story goes on, and David's men are at the point basically of death, and they
just want a little bit of food and water so they do not die, and they ask respectfully
and everything, and then Nabal's response is not to say, I'm sorry we don't have enough
food.
I'm sorry we don't have enough water for you.
His response is this, Who is David?
It's a rude response.
Look, you can say no in a polite way.
You don't have to be rude, but that is who Nabal was.
He was churlish.
He was bastos, always in his response, and it's so foolish what he's saying.
Who is David?
Look, everybody in this world knows David and Goliath.
Even in today's world, people that know nothing about the Bible, they know David and Goliath.
Why?
If they've ever watched a sporting event, everybody knows David and Goliath.
Everybody knows David.
But this man living during the time when David was the LeBron James, the Michael Jordan,
the rock star of the area, everybody knew that he killed Goliath.
Oh, I don't know who David is.
You're a liar.
It's like, Who is David?
It's like everybody knows David.
How do you know that everybody knew him?
Because they sung the song, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David is ten thousands.
They wrote songs about David.
David was a celebrity during that time period.
He was famous.
He was well known.
Everybody knew he was anointed to be the next king.
Everybody was aware of it.
And Nabal's like, Who is David?
Acting like he doesn't know who David is and acting like David is just a small guy that
doesn't know.
He says, Who is David?
And who is the son of Jesse?
Well, if you don't know David, then how do you know the son of Jesse?
How do you know he's the son of Jesse?
You know who he is.
Who is David and who is the son of Jesse?
There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master.
And we know King Saul was trying to kill David and everything.
And he's saying, There's many people that Saul's after because they were rebellious
and ran away.
It's like, no, there was nobody like David.
Everybody knew David.
Verse 11.
Shall I then take my bread and my water and my flesh that I have killed for my shears
and give it on to men whom I know not whence they be?
Look, here's the thing in verse 11.
If he was not going to give his food and water, which I think would be wrong because David's
man actually helped him.
But if he's not going to give food and water, he could still be polite.
He could still be nice.
He doesn't have to be churlish, Bastos, rude about it.
He could be nice.
He doesn't have to be rude, but he gives as rude of a response as you possibly could.
Right?
I mean, sometimes when we go soul winning, we say the harshest thing you could ever tell
someone.
You say, What do you tell someone?
We're telling them that if they don't change what they believe, they're going to spend
forever in hell.
But, you know, you realize there is a nice way to say that, and there is a churlish Bastos
way.
Right?
A nice way would be just being respectful and showing the Bible says, Hey, you know,
we're all sinners.
You don't highlight and say, Hey, you're a wicked person.
Oh, you've lied before?
Huh?
You've bared false witness.
Let me show you.
I mean, the Bible says, La wa nang apoi, my friend.
Right?
You're going to burn forever.
No second chance.
No, that's a bad way to say it.
Okay?
When we're going soul winning, if you want people to listen to what you have to say,
you speak the truth in love.
The Bible says, Look, even when I preach sermons, even though some things I say are harsh, I
still try to say it in as loving a way as possible.
And look, sometimes when you preach sermons, you can only do that so much because you got
to teach everything and you can't avoid things and everything like that.
But look, in our lives, speak the truth in love.
Don't be churlish.
Don't be rude.
And if you are, good luck being successful at your jobs.
Look, your boss is going to fire you.
If you act like that, your boss gives you an assignment.
I want you to fix this on Microsoft Excel.
That is like the most Bobo thing I've ever heard in my life.
Try telling that to your boss.
Try being churlish to your boss.
I mean, how long are you going to last?
That's who Nabal was.
But here's what happens when people are churlish towards you.
Oftentimes it causes you to get mad about it.
And oftentimes it causes strife in church.
And what it's really revealing is a problem within your own heart.
Yes, Nabal's wrong, but notice David's response.
Verse 12, so David's young men turned their way and went again and came and told them
all those things.
And David said unto his men, Gird he on every man his sword.
And they girded on every man his sword.
And David also girded on his sword.
And there went up after David about 400 men and 200 abode by the stuff.
When you keep going with this story, the result is that David's basically like, let's just
kill all of them.
Now is that the response to someone if they're rude to you?
Pick up a weapon and kill them.
Nobody says something rude to you, let's just go to war.
Now usually in the Bible, David does not act like this.
Usually he's calm and under control.
But obviously he's a little bit stressed out because the king's trying to kill him.
So I kind of get that, right?
But this guy is churlish to him.
He's rude to him.
And David's response is to go to war.
And the only thing that saves this is Abigail stepping in, Nabal's wife, right?
But the result of this man being churlish is it causes David to go to strife with this
man.
And it does reveal a problem in Nabal, no question about it.
But realize, people are going to be rude sometimes.
It also reveals a problem within David's heart, doesn't it?
Going to war and killing these people for being rude, well that's not right, okay?
Now turn in your Bible to Psalm 119, Psalm 119.
We'll close up here after a few verses.
Actually Proverbs 17, my bad, Proverbs 17, Proverbs 17.
This sermon's a little long.
The second sermon will be shorter.
But let me just give you a few things real quickly.
You need to realize this, that you know what, people are going to make mistakes.
You say at church too?
Yeah, because we're all sinners.
People are going to make mistakes.
People are going to make mistakes and say the wrong things.
They're going to say something and it comes out of their mouth and they're like, oh, come
back in, come back in.
Look, I've done that before.
I've said something and then like half a second later I'm like, what in the world?
Why did I say that, right?
It's like we all make mistakes.
And look, if somebody is churlish towards you or they chime in or whatever and they'd
say something that you don't like, you know, realize that people make mistakes, especially
we should realize that with children.
Children are going to make mistakes.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but look, give people at church the benefit
of the doubt if they do something wrong.
And look, let's say somebody's always bothering you or whatever.
Well, I mean, just let God work on their hearts.
Let the preaching of the word of God change their hearts.
You know, maybe you are more spiritual than them, but you know what?
Let God's word change their hearts.
Okay, at a church, you must realize that, look, none of us are perfect.
And when people first start coming to church, they might have a lot of things they need
to change, right?
We need to give them a chance to grow and be okay with the fact that people are not
perfect.
You will never find a place on this planet where everybody's perfect and there's no problems
and nobody ever says anything rude.
No, people make mistakes, even in church, okay?
Proverbs 17 verse 14, Proverbs 17 verse 14, it says, the beginning of strife is as when
one letteth out water, therefore leave off contention before it be mettled with.
You say, what does this mean?
Now there's various analogies of fights and strife in the Bible.
One is like kind of like a raging fire that starts small and becomes big, but imagine
letting water out of like a container or something.
Sometimes you know, there'll be a really small drip, slow drip, slow drip, and then the water
just powers through and just all falls to the ground.
What the Bible is saying is by letting out water, basically it's a small little drip
at first.
It's a small problem, a small fight, but then all of a sudden just boom, and then it just
overpowers and the water just comes out, right?
What the Bible is saying is this, strife usually starts off small, but it spreads like a wildfire.
It gets out of control.
That's why the Bible says, you know what?
The beginning of strife as when one letteth out water, basically it starts off very small,
the beginning, but the end is this major problem.
Therefore, leave off contention before it be meddled with.
You say, why?
Because you might be okay with a small problem, but you're not going to be okay with a big
problem.
You might be okay with just this little problem with the church member, but what if it becomes
a major problem that causes a huge problem and people are taking sides and mad and stuff
like that?
Are you okay with that though?
That's why the Bible says don't even go down the road of having strife with another person,
not just in a church setting, I mean in life in general.
This is true in marriage.
You have a fight and guess what?
It starts small and it becomes major sometimes.
That's why don't even get in the fight to begin with because it can get bigger and bigger.
One side goes, man, one person does this and the other person then just gets bigger and
bigger and bigger.
That's the way it works, right?
It's kind of the response of other people in the Bible, David and Samson, where basically
I'm going to do worse than they did and everyone's going toe to toe.
Just don't get involved to begin with, okay?
Turn to Psalm 119, Psalm 119, Psalm 119 and look, all the things I mentioned on things
that happen on the outside, I mean these things are wrong and the people, if you're guilty
of any of those things and I'm sure I'm guilty of some of these things from time to time
as well, you know what?
We need to fix those things, okay?
But when somebody does something wrong on the outside and it causes you to get so angry,
you got to go to war with that person, it's revealing to you that you do have a problem
within your own heart and you need to work on yourself and look, you might be right that
they're 99% to blame, but you know what?
If it's causing major strife in you where you want to fight them and you're mad and
you're angry at them and everything, it is revealing a problem within your own heart.
And look, that is a harsh reality, but it is a reality nonetheless.
This sort of sermon gets every single one of us in this room, okay?
Every single one of us can apply this to our lives, including myself.
You know what?
It's like if people make you mad because they constantly do things that, you know what?
That's revealing a problem within your own heart.
Psalm 119 verse 165, the great chapter in the Bible, right?
Psalm 119 verse 165, all about the word of God, such a great and encouraging chapter.
Verse 165, great peace have they which love thy law and nothing shall offend them.
Nothing shall offend them.
Man, I'm always so offended and mad and full of strife.
Well, I mean, you're saying you don't really love God's law then, right?
Isn't that what the Bible says in verse 165?
See, I want you to realize in our lives, sometimes in our lives, everything's going well, we
don't have major strife.
And then other times in our lives, there's fight after fight after fight.
You say, what is the reality?
Well, the reality is that you, during those times of lots of fights, are probably less
spiritual because when you're reading the Bible and going to church and you have a clear
mind and you're serving God and you're doing what's right, you have a good attitude, amazingly,
you do not get in fights.
Is that because nobody ever does anything on the outside to offend you?
No, it's just because you love God's law, right?
You cannot change the things that happen on the outside.
That's not going to change, but you can change what's in your own heart.
If you change what's in your own heart, you know what, it can spare you from fights and
problems and anger and all these problems that you have in your life.
You can get rid of them if you change your own heart.
Even if people are rude to you, you know what, you can have the right attitude back if your
heart's right.
If your heart's not right, what's going to happen?
You're going to take your sword and then go to town on that person, right?
Like David is in the story.
One last place.
First Corinthians 13.
Look, we do not want to be a church that has fight after fight after fight after fight
after fight, right?
And right now, you know, we have a great spirit, you know, about our church.
I don't think we have this problem.
The Bible says, cast out the scorner and strife shall cease.
And you know what?
That's been proven true, right?
But I want you to realize this.
We don't want in the future to have major fights.
And look, I don't want you in your homes.
I don't want you to always be fighting with your spouses.
I don't want you to be mad at everyone at work and everything.
I want you to be able to get along with other people.
That is reality.
And the secret is this, fixing your heart, okay?
And it says here in First Corinthians 13, verse four and five, this is the charity chapter
in the Bible.
Verse four, charity suffers long and is kind.
Charity envieth not.
Charity vauneth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh
not her own, is not easily provoked.
Look, if you are filled full of charity and you're filled full of the love of God and
the fruits of the Spirit and you are serving God, you know what?
You are not easily provoked to getting in fights.
You know what?
It's like people do stuff and you know what?
It's just not going to bug you that much.
It's like water off a duck's back, they say, right?
Something happens and it's like, no big deal.
Somebody says something that's rude and your natural reaction is, well, you know, maybe
they're just having a rough morning.
Right?
Maybe they had a problem at work or whatever.
You know, maybe they just made a mistake.
Maybe they didn't mean it like that.
But if your heart is not right, your reaction is you always assume the worst.
If you are right with God, you know what?
Charity believeth all things.
Hope with all things.
I mean, you believe, you just assume, hey, they probably didn't mean it like that.
And look, you know what?
You might be right when somebody says something rude that they meant to be rude or whatever,
you know, I'd rather just go about my life giving people the benefit of the doubt and
not have major strife in my life.
I do not want to be easily provoked to getting in arguments and getting mad.
And the reality is this, that if you find yourself getting involved in a lot of fights,
it's telling you at least one thing.
One, it might be because you are the exterior causes.
You are causing lots of fights and that's why you're in a lot of fights.
That might be the reason.
But the other thing is this, maybe you're not the cause when it comes to exterior causes,
but you've got problems within your own heart and you must allow that strife to teach you,
you know what?
I need to make some changes in my life.
And you know what, as a church and as Christians, as individuals, we need to have the attitude
that our entire lives, we still have things we need to change.
I preach these sermons, but you know what?
I have changes to make the rest of my life.
I have areas of my life right now where I know I could be doing better.
I need to make changes.
You know what?
If you're getting involved in a lot of fights, so use that as a teachable moment for yourself.
Hey, what am I doing wrong?
What are they doing wrong?
What am I doing wrong?
Why is it I'm always getting upset?
What is the problem?
Okay, let's close in order of prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us to be here today and just getting to see
your word and see what the Bible says, God, and help us to apply this sermon to our lives,
including myself.
This is a tough sermon to take, but you know, we want to become better people and we want
to become more mature, God.
We want to get along with people and love people and care about people.
God, help us not to have strife at our church.
Help us to have the same love one for another, God, and help us to be a church that's just
united together as one and we care about each other.
We pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.