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For our scripture reading, please open your Bibles to the Book of Romans.
Romans chapter 12.
And we will only be reading verses 1 down to verse number 10.
Romans chapter 12 verses 1 to verse 10.
Please say Amen if you're there.
Amen.
Romans chapter 12 verse 1.
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God,
that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, wholly acceptable unto God, which is a reasonable service.
And be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, an acceptable and perfect will of God.
For I say, though the grace given unto me to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly.
According as God had dealt to every man the measure of faith, for as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office,
so we being many are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.
Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith,
or ministry, let us wait on our ministering, for he that teacheth on teaching, or he that exhorteth on exhortation, he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity.
He that ruleth with diligence, he that showeth mercy with cheerfulness.
Let love be without dissimulation, abhor that which is evil, plead to that which is good.
Be kindly affectionate one to another, with brotherly love, in honor of preferring one another.
Bless the reading of God's Word, let us pray.
Lord God in Heaven, we thank you Lord for this day that you've given to us.
I pray, Lord, that you would please bless Lord this day.
Give us good weather for our soul winning and fellowship later on, and thank you, Lord, for this day that you've given to us.
I pray, Lord, that you would give us a wonderful day, Lord, for our purpose as well.
And I pray, Lord, that you would bless the preacher and the preaching of your word, Lord, this day.
We love you. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
All right, we're in Romans chapter 12, and the name of this sermon is Brotherly Love in Marriage.
Brotherly Love in Marriage.
Now, let me just say, whenever you have kind of themed sermons for specific times a year,
some people might be in the room and think, you know, I'm not married, so this doesn't apply to me.
But, you know, whenever the Word of God is preached, it applies to all of us at least to some degree.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable.
It's profitable for all of us.
And so maybe you're not married, but maybe you will one day be married.
It's better to learn these things ahead of time.
And, you know what, if you are married, it's a good reminder, right?
I mean, this is good information for all of us.
And at the end of the day, we're using a lot of Bibles, so the Word of God is good for all of us, right?
And so we're talking about Brotherly Love in Marriage.
Now, there's a city in the United States called Philadelphia, which is one of the most famous and prominent cities.
It's known as the City of Brotherly Love.
Now, it gets that name because the name of the city comes from two Greek words,
phileo, which means love, and adelphos, which means brother.
So when you combine those two together, it means brotherly love.
Now, it was founded by a guy by the name of William Penn,
and he looked at it as being like a Christian city where, you know, it's religiously tolerant and things such as that.
But in our modern day, when you think of the term brotherly love,
it's not really thought of as a Christian thing, but it's a biblical phrase.
It appears three times in our Bible, and we're talking about brotherly love,
or I guess sisterly love, which isn't really a word.
What we're saying is Christian love, right?
A love that you have for your brothers or sisters in Christ.
Like I would say, I love all of my brothers and sisters in Christ.
We ought to have this brotherly love for one another.
And here's the thing. In marriage also, yes, there's the romantic aspect of love,
but what we cannot forget is the brotherly love and sisterly love you ought to have for your spouse, okay?
So notice what it says in Romans 12, verse 10.
It says, Be kindly affection one to another with brotherly love and honor preferring one another.
Now, I understand the direct context is not in the context of marriage,
but you can absolutely apply it to marriage as well, having that brotherly love with your spouse.
Now, we're going to look at three points here during the sermon,
but before we get into those, I just want to show you how the significance in the Bible
is about the person you're married to being your brother or sister in Christ
above your romantic partner, okay?
Go to Song of Solomon, chapter 4.
Song of Solomon, chapter 4.
And look, with all topics, we need a balance of things,
and I understand that, you know, when you're married,
there is a special relationship you have with your spouse,
the romantic aspect, the physical attraction,
and all of these things are important in marriage.
However, what I'm showing you is even more important than that,
according to the Bible, is the fact that the person you're married to
is your brother or your sister in Christ,
and that you have that brotherly love towards them.
Song of Solomon, chapter 4, verse 7.
Thou art all fair, my love, there is no spot in thee.
There he's talking about how beautiful he finds his wife.
Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon.
Look from the top of Amanah, from the top of Sheiner and Herman,
from the lion's den, from the mountains of the leopards.
Now notice verse 9. Thou hast ravished my heart.
And the idea there is just this overwhelming emotion you have for your spouse.
Think of the butterflies in the stomach, you know,
just that sort of emotional feeling you have
specifically with the person you're married to.
But then it says, thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse.
Now what's the Bible saying?
I don't believe Solomon was married to his physical, literal sister, genetically.
What he's referring to is his sister in Christ.
And he's saying, you know what, you are my sister in Christ,
and you're also my spouse.
But see, everything in the Bible is for a reason.
It does not say, my spouse, my sister.
If the emphasis was on spouse above sister, it would say, my spouse, my sister.
It doesn't say that.
It says, my sister, my spouse.
You say, well, brother, I don't know, that's just one verse,
you're reading into it. Well, let's just keep reading.
Thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.
How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse.
How much better is thy love than wine, in the smell of thine ointments and all spices.
Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as a honeycomb.
Honey and milk are under thy tongue, and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse.
A spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
Now, I'm not going to go to explain all these verses.
There's a lot of symbolism.
I already preached through all of Song of Solomon, so you can go back and listen to it.
But you notice here, very clearly, my sister, my spouse, my sister, my spouse, my sister, my spouse.
Go to Song of Solomon, chapter five.
Song of Solomon, chapter five.
Verse one.
I am coming to my garden, my sister, my spouse.
Go to verse number two.
I sleep, but my heart waketh.
It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying,
Open to me, my sister, my love.
My love is like an endearing term, you know, honey, you know, my love, or something like that.
But once again, the fact that that's his sister in Christ is above the fact that that is his romantic partner that he is married to.
Now, go back to Romans, chapter 12.
You say, Brother Stuckey, you know, why are you preaching this?
Well, because, you know, here's the thing.
A lot of times when you get married, you kind of look at your spouse as being your romantic partner, and that's true,
but you kind of just separate the fact that they're also your brother or sister in Christ.
And we tend to say the worst things that we would never say to somebody at church to the person we're married to.
Right? I mean, you say things that you would never say to anybody else.
And when you're doing that, you're forgetting the fact, this is my brother in Christ.
This is my sister in Christ.
Right?
And when you're married, you need to realize that above the fact this is your married partner,
this is your brother or sister in Christ, and you need to respect them as your Christian or brother,
and have that brotherly love towards your spouse, where you don't want to harm them,
you don't want to hurt them, you don't want to make them feel bad,
but you actually care for them as your brother or sister in Christ.
Because in eternity, in heaven, in case you're not aware of this,
you're not going to be married to the person you're married to.
You're not going to be married to anybody.
But you know what you're going to have?
You're going to have your brother in Christ that you were married to here on earth,
or your sister in Christ you were married to on earth.
That is an eternal relationship of brother and sister in Christ.
But the relationship of marriage is for 80 years.
Right? Well, I guess if you get married young, I mean, you live 80 years.
Get married at 20, live to be 100, I mean, 50 years.
Right? I mean, it's here on earth, and that's it.
Right? But for all eternity, they're going to be your brother or your sister in Christ,
and the person that we're married to, we need to treat with brotherly love.
Okay?
Now this phrase, brotherly love, appears three times in your Bible.
In addition, and we're going to have one point for each of the phrases,
brotherly love, here today to make it simple,
but you also see love as brethren.
Sometimes you look up the word love, and it's in the context of a Christian love, a brotherly love.
But there's three times specifically the Bible says brotherly love,
so let's just look up all three of those times and come up with a point for each of those times.
So the first is in Romans 12, and first notice what it says in verse 9, Romans 12, verse 9.
Let love be without dissimulation.
Now, what does this mean without dissimulation?
I'll be honest. You know what? I've been confused on this phrase before,
and I preach it kind of opposite of what this actually means.
And to understand this, this word appears one other time in the Bible.
Go to Galatians chapter 2.
Galatians chapter 2.
I've looked at this before as basically make sure your love is not fake, like a simulation or a simulator.
That's not actually what it means though.
And by the dictionary definition of dissimulation, it means a concealment of one's thoughts or feelings or character or pretense.
And when we look that up in the Bible, it actually fits, and I'll explain that here in a second.
But notice what it says in Galatians 2, verse 11.
But when Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed.
For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the Gentiles.
But when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision.
And what the Bible is saying here in Galatians chapter 2 is that before that he came from James, he's fellowshipping with the Gentiles.
He's eating with the Gentiles.
He's going sowing with the Gentiles.
Then all of a sudden he's afraid of the circumcision, the Jews.
And then at a church it's like, well here's the table for the Gentiles.
Here's the table for the Jews.
And he's basically hiding his true feelings toward them that they're his brothers and sisters in Christ.
And he's concealing that because he's afraid of the circumcision.
And verse 13, and the other Jews dissembled likewise with him,
insomuch that Barnabas also is carried away with their dissimulation.
And what's taking place is Barnabas is doing the same thing.
And he's hanging out with Peter, hanging out with the Jews by ethnicity that also believe,
instead of hanging out with the Gentiles and fellowshipping with the Gentiles,
and he's concealing how he really feels because he's afraid of the circumcision.
Go back to Romans 12.
So what does it mean by let love be without dissimulation?
It means show your emotions.
If you say you love something, it shouldn't be hidden.
It shouldn't just be you're concealing your feelings.
There's a joke in the U.S. about making fun of husbands that don't talk about their feelings.
And it's like, well, honey, I told you I loved you when we got married.
If that ever changes, I'll let you know.
That ought not to be the way your marriage is.
You ought to express your feelings.
You ought to show it.
Because in the Bible, a proper and good and true love implies an action.
For God so loved the world that He gave.
There's action to back up that emotion of love.
And if there is no feelings, is no emotion, what you're doing is having a love that basically is not expressing those feelings.
Without dissimulation.
Show your feelings is what it's saying.
Abhor that which is evil.
Cleave to that which is good.
Be kindly affection one to another with brotherly love.
Now what's the context of this brotherly love here?
In honor, preferring one another.
What that means is that you put other people before yourself.
You look at other people as being more important than yourself.
Now this is not in the context directly of marriage, but it certainly applies to marriage.
That when you get married, as a husband, you ought to think, well, you know, what's important or helpful for my wife and my family?
As a wife, it's not about me, what's important to my husband?
Right?
Where basically you don't get into marriage saying, it's all about me, how does this benefit me?
But you get into marriage with the idea, how can I be a help to the other person?
Let me prefer them above myself.
Go in your Bible to Matthew 20.
Matthew 20.
You say, well, brother Stuckey, I thought husbands were the head of marriage, so it ought to be all about me.
You don't understand what that means in the Bible then if that's your perspective.
Because Jesus Christ was the head of the church.
Jesus Christ, I mean, He's the king on earth.
And yet when He came, it wasn't all about Him.
Even though He's the ruler, even though He's the boss, even though He's the authority,
He basically led in a way where He cared more about His followers than Himself.
In fact, by definition this is called servant leadership.
And here's the definition of this.
The servant leadership style is based on the idea that leaders prioritize serving the greater good.
Leaders with this style serve their team and organization first.
They don't prioritize their own objectives.
Employees in a servant leadership environment are more likely to feel that their voices are heard.
Now, look, the Bible teaches husbands are the heads of their homes.
Anyway, everybody knows that's true, even though people like to dispute it.
But let's just make it really simple.
Think about parents and children, okay?
Obviously a father is above his children in authority, right?
Obviously a mom is above her children in authority, whether it's a boy or a girl, okay?
But here's the thing.
As you're raising kids, you've got to make it about them.
I mean, if they're sick, and they need something, and they need comfort, and they need to get a shower,
you say, well, I don't feel like giving them a shower today.
Well, it doesn't really matter what you want, because they need that shower.
You say, I don't really feel like feeding them and taking care of them, but what do they need?
And yes, you're the authority.
Yes, you're the leader, but you're concerned more about your kids than yourself.
That's servant leadership.
Well, the same thing in marriage as well, that as the husband, yes, you are the leader.
Yes, you are the authority, but you ought to be concerned more about what's good for my wife and helpful for her than for me.
Now, of course, the contrary is true also.
As a wife, you ought to be more concerned about what's helpful for my husband, what's good for him,
what's good for my kids, and not at all be about you.
You say, why?
Because having brotherly love and honor preferring one another.
And what's interesting is oftentimes people will take this attitude with church members and other people.
They'll help out other people and be super generous, but then in marriage it's like, no.
Right? And then they don't want to make it about their spouse.
Look, you ought to take that same Christian love into your marriage also.
And I'll tell you what, I think over 95% of our fights would be gone if we just had brotherly love for the person that we're married to.
Now, look, don't misunderstand what I'm saying here today, because every married couple fights.
Every single one.
I'm not standing up here saying, you know what, I've never been in a fight since I've been married.
It's just like, that's not reality.
I'm trying to give you a balanced perspective on things.
Every couple gets in arguments.
Every couple gets in fights.
And, you know, the Bible says that without pride there is no contention.
That's not a direct quote, but basically every fight, every argument, there is pride involved at least from one side.
In reality, in fights in marriage and fights in general, usually both sides have some pride.
Both sides. Right?
And, look, I mean, just think in a generic example of a fight.
If somebody just shoves you down on the street and you get up and start fighting with him,
the reason why you started fighting and continued that fight is you don't want to look bad and look soft or not tough as a guy. Right?
But it's a matter of pride.
I mean, it is.
And in fights, and obviously in marriage, hopefully it's a non-physical fight, but in arguments or disagreements there's pride involved.
And if there were no pride there would be no contention.
And what I'm saying is, you know what, often in marriage we forget about this idea of having brotherly love.
Where, yes, you know what, you can hurt your spouse with your words, but that's not exactly showing brotherly love. Right?
And we'll talk about that more as we go, but let me just give you an example of basically being the authority,
but in honor of preferring one person above them, and that's Jesus Christ.
Go to Matthew 20, verse 25.
Matthew 20, verse 25.
But Jesus called them onto him and said,
You know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them.
Now what is that saying in verse number 25?
Well, here's what it's saying, that those in positions of power, such as a prince or authority,
they will exercise their dominion and their power.
And there's not necessarily anything wrong with that.
Obviously a boss at a company is going to give instructions to his employees, and they exercise their dominion.
But this is what Jesus says in the context of Christianity,
But it shall not be so among you, but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister.
He says, you know what, if you want to be great, if you want to get a lot of rewards,
if you want to do something big for God, instead of thinking, how can I have authority,
how can I minister to other people? How can I help other people?
And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant.
Even as the Son of Man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister and to give his life a ransom for many.
And look, obviously Jesus Christ is the almighty King.
He's the Lord and Savior. But when he came here, that's not the way he lived his life.
He lived his life by laying down his life for other people, ultimately by dying.
But on a daily basis, in honor, he preferred us above himself.
He looked at us as being more important than himself.
And he gave us an example to follow, that us that are followers of Jesus Christ,
we ought to live our lives in a way where we're concerned more about other people than ourselves.
Go in your Bible to Matthew chapter 18.
This is not naturally the way we are as people.
Probably over half the boys growing up in the Philippines that are around my age,
they had the same dream I had of being Michael Jordan.
Like Mike, being the most famous person where everybody sees you,
they get your autograph, you're famous, everybody loves you.
People take that sort of mindset where they want to be powerful and they want to be famous.
It's not really the mindset you ought to take in life though.
Your mindset should be, you know what, I'm not trying to become rich or powerful or famous.
I want to figure out how can I help other people?
How can I be a minister unto other people?
And that is the way that Jesus lived his life.
Now when it comes to marriage and brotherly love in marriage,
I want to look at the aspect of fights in marriage.
Because this idea of brotherly love in marriage,
we can look at brotherly love just with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ,
and how are we to deal with fights with one another?
How are we to deal with disagreements?
And the way we're meant to deal with disagreements just on a personal basis with fellow church members,
that's the same mindset we ought to take in marriage dealing with problems and disagreements and fights.
Matthew 18, verse 15.
Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee,
go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.
If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
And what the Bible is saying here is if somebody does you wrong at church
or you're really angry with somebody at church,
step one, talk to that person one-on-one.
Talk to that person individually.
You say, well, why would I do that?
Because you're trying to gain your brother.
You want to restore that relationship.
It doesn't say go and just tell everybody on Facebook about how awful brother so-and-so is.
It doesn't say go and gossip to your fellow church members.
Just send out that text message so everybody hears about it.
What would be the purpose of that?
It's a matter of pride.
It's a matter of looking better than them.
It's a matter of making them look bad.
I mean, if you really had love, what would you do?
You'd cover that transgression. Isn't that what the Bible says?
I mean, if you seek love, you're going to cover over that transgression.
And look, here's the reality.
Everybody at this church is going to do things that are wrong.
Someday you're going to come in here with a bad attitude,
say something rude, make a bad joke, offend someone.
It just is what it is.
We make mistakes.
And here's the thing.
If somebody does that to you and it really bothers you
to the point that you feel like you've got to tell somebody about it,
number one, tell God about it, number one,
which is often what people don't do because they're not showing brotherly love.
Number two, if you cannot let it go, talk to them one-on-one.
Isn't this what the Bible says in Matthew 18?
You say, why? What's the purpose?
To gain your brother, you can restore that relationship,
meaning that if you get paired together for soul winning,
you're not thinking, I want to punch this person in the face,
but you're thinking, let's get somebody saved.
That's brotherly love.
That's Christian love.
Well, what about in marriage?
Well, if a husband and a wife get in a fight with one another,
what do you do?
Do you talk about it one-on-one?
Isn't that what we see about brotherly love here in Matthew 18?
I mean, if thy brother trespass against thee?
It doesn't say, call up your mom and dad.
Mom, you won't believe what my husband did.
Dad, you won't believe what my wife did.
Is that what it says?
And yet, is that not the method a lot of people use?
You know what you're doing when you do that?
You're causing wounds that are going to take a long time to heal.
And yet, you're going to look better than your spouse
because you bring out all the bad things about them,
but let me help you out with something.
Every single one of us,
if you wrote down every single thing that they did
and just told the world,
we'd be like, that's horrible.
I can't believe brother so-and-so did that.
I can't believe sister so-and-so did that.
I mean, one of the things that I'm very happy about
is that when you get saved, you're not only eternally saved,
but God is not going to broadcast all your sins one day.
At the judgment seat of Christ,
it's just good things that are going to be shown.
You say, why?
Because we've all done bad things.
And look, if you're married to someone and you're around them 24-7,
you can bring out all the dirt and make them look horrible
and permanently destroy their reputation.
And what would be your purpose?
Obviously not to gain back the relationship with your husband or wife.
Obviously you're not showing brotherly or Christian love.
It's a matter of pride to look better than your spouse.
Right?
I mean, if you have a problem with your spouse, what do you do?
You deal with it one-on-one.
You deal with it one-on-one,
and usually in most situations you can get over it then
when you deal with it one-on-one.
Go to Philippians 2.
Philippians 2.
And look, one thing that you never want to do is fight in front of your kids,
especially when they're young and growing up.
Because, you know, and look, I'm sure that everybody in this room has made mistakes.
It's not a criticism.
As I said, my wife and I have fought before.
It's not like every time we exhibited perfect 100% brotherly love in that situation.
But one thing you do not want to do is fight in front of your children
and cause problems in front of your children
or try to make your spouse look bad to your children.
What is the purpose there?
To try to make yourself look like a better parent than your spouse in front of your kids?
That's just going to cause problems.
And the question is, when is it going to stop?
I mean, if the husband does this to his wife
and the wife's like, well, you did this.
I'm going to do this.
And the husband says, okay, you did this.
I will be now more vile than thus, as King David said.
And it just goes back and forth and back and forth.
Boy, that's really going to help restore your brother or your sister in Christ.
That's going to help gain back your brother.
That's going to help fix the situation.
That's called not having brotherly love in marriage.
And look, what I'm saying is oftentimes in marriage,
people forget about the fact that this is my brother or my sister in Christ.
And I ought to treat them in a way with brotherly and Christian love.
I mean, do unto others as you would have done unto you.
Right?
It's like we all make mistakes.
And here's the thing.
If I don't want my wife to broadcast every time I make a mistake
and tell other people and make me look bad,
then I shouldn't do that to my wife either.
If you have love, you ought to cover that transgression.
Put it aside.
Don't let other people hear about it.
And let me help you out with something.
And I've seen this in a couple of examples,
but look, if you criticize your spouse where everybody knows about it,
it does not make you look good.
It actually makes you look bad.
I mean, if everybody's hearing all these horrible things
about the person you're married to,
it doesn't cause people to look good at you.
They'll think that you're better than the person you're married to usually,
but they'll also think, well, why'd you marry that person?
Right?
And so, look, if we have love, what do we do?
We cover that transgression.
That is the brotherly love.
That is the Christian love.
Right?
Turn to Philippians 2.
And by the way, another aspect of brotherly love is forgiveness.
I mean, in the context of Matthew 18, that's another thing you can think of.
So regardless of what your brother in Christ has done that you're married to
or your sister in Christ, forgive.
You say, why? It's brotherly love.
It's Christian love.
And you know what?
We oftentimes think of what other people do,
but we tend to just miss out on all the problems that we have
or all the bad things that we do.
Look, all of us need forgiveness.
And the Bible says, you don't have to turn there,
but at the end of Ephesians 4,
the fact that as Christ, for God's sake, hath forgiven us.
Well, here's the thing.
We don't deserve forgiveness, and yet God forgives us.
Right?
You say, well, my spouse, you don't understand.
They don't deserve this forgiveness.
Maybe they don't.
Neither do you.
Right? You know, we've done wrong,
but see, brotherly love is forgiveness.
Brotherly love is working out one-on-one
and fixing the situation.
That is brotherly love,
and we ought to take brotherly love into our marriages,
and it will fix a lot of problems.
Philippians 2, verse 3.
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory.
What is vainglory?
Telling everybody how bad your spouse is.
It makes you look better.
It's vainglory.
Wow, look at how good you are in front of other people.
Is that what God wants you to do?
But in lowliness of mind,
remember we're talking about point one, lowliness,
making yourself lower,
where basically you consider your spouse to be more important.
In lowliness of mind,
let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look, that's not saying that you believe another person
is necessarily a better Christian or whatever,
but you view them as more valuable.
In the context of, let's say, soul winning,
let's say there's a Christian that never goes soul winning,
never does anything for God.
Well, I mean, you might be better in terms of getting rewards in heaven,
but you still take the mindset of them being better than yourself
because you look at them as being more important or more valuable.
That's the mindset you ought to always take,
esteeming others better than yourself.
Look not every man on his own things,
but every man also in the things of others.
You say, Brother Stuckey, why would I want to do that?
Well, notice what it says in verse five.
Let this mind be in you,
which was also in Christ Jesus.
And if you continue with the passage,
which I'm not going to for sake of time,
it talks about him becoming obedient unto death,
even the death of the cross.
And the Bible speaks about Jesus humbling himself.
And then as a result, God hath highly exalted him.
Why did he do this?
Well, he didn't die for himself, right?
He's sinless.
He died because he esteemed us as being better than him.
Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus,
the same mindset where basically you esteem others
as being more important than yourself.
Turn to Hebrews 13.
Hebrews 13.
I mean, having this brotherly love is doing what the Bible says,
obeying God's commandments and showing that love
because, you know, I'm missing the quote,
but basically, if you're following the commandments,
it's because you have proper love,
because whenever you break a commandment,
you are harming other people, right?
You're not being concerned about other people.
You're concerned about yourself.
As husbands, the Bible says,
lay down your life for your spouses.
Look at them as being more important than yourself, okay?
Well, then the question goes to ladies as well then,
if God tells you that the husband is the boss and the authority,
why is it so hard for you to submit under that authority?
I mean, that's brotherly love.
That's obeying what God says, right?
Now, look, it's hard for guys to lay down their lives.
That's hard, but also for the ladies.
I'm preaching against both sides, right?
Men and women, we can all have better brotherly love in marriage, right?
You know, the husband is the head of marriage,
and that's what the Bible says.
And look, if you have the proper brotherly love for your spouse,
which I hope you did when you got married to them,
because they were saved and they love God like you do,
I hope you should be able to submit to them and say,
hey, you know what?
I want to do what God says,
not like, well, I'll obey because God forces me.
Well, that's a lot of brotherly love.
Why is it so hard?
I mean, you ought to say, I love God's commandments.
I love thy laws, the Bible says.
And I'm willing to do what God says, and I'm going to be happy.
That's what the Bible says.
And here's the thing.
Husbands ought to have lowliness to esteem their wives better than themselves.
So should wives.
And in authority structure, the wives are underneath the authority of the husbands.
That is what the Bible teaches.
Go to Hebrews 13.
Brother Stuckey, can't we have like a Valentine's Day sermon
that's really sweet and caring?
You know, when I went to CCF, you know, I'd never felt bad or whatever.
It's just like, whoa, welcome to Verity or Truth Baptist Church,
because everything I've said is without dispute, in my opinion.
It's just hard to actually do.
As I said, I'm not standing up here stating I'm 100% perfect at this.
Things are much easier to preach than to do, right?
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Everybody knows this is true, but it's hard to actually take that into your marriage,
because it's difficult.
Because pride is something we struggle with.
And we don't want to prefer others above ourselves.
We care about ourselves naturally.
That is not the sort of mindset you need in marriage, though.
Point one, lowliness.
Hebrews 13, verse one.
Let brotherly love continue.
Point one is lowliness, putting other people above yourself.
Point two is limitless.
There should be no end to this brotherly love.
As I said, this phrase appears three times in our King James Bible, brotherly love.
And here, let brotherly love continue, as simple as it shouldn't end.
Right?
Now turn your Bible to Song of Solomon 5.
Song of Solomon 5.
You say, what do you mean, Brother Stuckey?
It should continue. It should be limitless.
Here's what I'm saying.
When you got married, you made vows before God.
And part of the vows, you are promising to love your spouse forever,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, for sicker in health,
or sickness or in health.
Right?
And obviously, you know, the vows are different depending on where you get married
or who does the ceremony or whatever,
but you make basic vows where you're promising before God,
this is my brother or sister in Christ,
and I'm going to exhibit brotherly love toward them.
You made that promise when you got married,
and I believe you meant it when you got married.
Let it continue.
Let it be limitless.
It shouldn't end.
It's like, well, you know, we said I do,
and you just mindlessly say those vows without thinking about them.
Maybe you ought to realize what you said,
because you made a promise and a vow which is not meant to be broken.
When you make vows, they are not meant to be broken according to the Bible
that you will love them forever,
and you're going to have this brotherly love for your spouse.
And you felt it when you got married.
Right?
When you got married, you were very happy.
Let it continue.
Don't let it end.
And yes, there is the aspect of the romantic side of marriage,
and I'm not trying to make that look as being not important.
It's just not the focus of this sermon.
I am focusing on brotherly love,
and what I'm saying is you ought to keep this mindset in your marriage.
This is my brother in Christ.
This is my sister in Christ.
I don't want to harm them or gossip about them or make them feel bad.
Why?
This is my brother in Christ for all eternity.
This is my sister in Christ for all eternity.
Let brotherly love continue.
You know, when I think of my brothers in Christ,
I love my brothers in Christ,
and I love my sisters in Christ as well,
but in terms of my friends, I say my brothers in Christ.
And what do we do?
Well, I mean, after church, after soul winning,
we talk about life.
We talk about things that are important.
We do prayer together.
We fellowship together.
We enjoy spending time together.
I mean, this is your church family,
and it's your church family because it's your brothers
and your sisters in the Lord, right?
Well, if you have that sort of brotherly love
for your friends at church,
you ought to have that brotherly love in marriage as well.
Song of Solomon 5 verse 16.
His mouth is most sweet.
Yea is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved.
And notice this.
And this is my friend.
O daughters of Jerusalem.
Look, obviously, you know what?
When you get married,
men and women are very different from one another, right?
Men don't fully understand women.
Women don't fully understand men.
It is what it is.
And in general, probably some of your interests
are very different, right?
The things that you did before you got married,
I mean, you had different interests, right?
And obviously, it's great to be able to do
certain things together if you have those similarities,
but I'm just saying,
there are certain interests you have
that your spouse is just not going to have, right?
Before I was married in college,
me and my friends,
we always just went to the gym for a couple hours.
It's just not the same exact thing
that I'm going to do with my wife, right?
And you know what?
It's just different.
And here's the thing.
When you get married, you shouldn't take this mindset,
well, I'm going to keep all of my interests
and not do anything with my spouse
and just all day long do whatever
and then we're just going to lie down in bed together
and that's it.
No, actually, you should find some things
you can do together.
Figure out some things that you both are interested in
or find interest in the things that they're interested in
and vice versa,
and you're able to have that good friendship together, right?
I'll give you an example.
When my wife and I got married,
my wife had no interest in soccer whatsoever at all, right?
When we first started talking,
it was right around the World Cup.
She's like, why are you watching
all these World Cup games?
I was like, it's the World Cup, right?
I said, over half the world agrees with me, right?
And here's the thing, though,
when we got married,
it's like we did watch some games
during the last World Cup.
My wife really enjoyed it.
You say, what is that?
It's called her learning to like the things that I enjoy
and it's kind of like with your kids.
Your kids will want to watch things or play games
that you would not enjoy doing on your own, right?
But if you have a proper love for them,
you find enjoyment with your kids.
Why?
Because it makes them happy.
And you can actually learn to like those things also.
The same thing is in marriage as well.
Learn to enjoy the things that your wife likes.
Learn to enjoy the things that your husband likes.
And you say, well, it's not my interest.
Yeah, but you know what?
You can find happiness in the fact that your spouse is happy, right?
Learn to compromise and find things where you say,
hey, this is my friend.
We fellowship.
We talk together.
There's things that you have in common.
And maybe you're not married with all those similarities,
but you can learn to like those things about your spouse
if you put in effort.
Turn in your Bible to Judges 14.
Judges 14.
You say, Brother Stuckey, our marriage is like this, right?
We have a great marriage.
And look, that's great if that's your marriage
and you have a great marriage.
And you say, Brother Stuckey,
I'm not really worried about the sermon
because we've got a great marriage,
and it's going to be limitless.
It's going to continue.
That's a great attitude,
and I realized we just read from the Song of Solomon.
Did that marriage continue as being great?
We don't exactly know what happened.
I mean, I tried to figure it out.
I mean, I preached the entire book,
and I was like, I really don't know for sure,
but obviously that marriage did not end happily.
That brotherly love did not continue forever.
I mean, it's so amazing in Song of Solomon.
It's like my sister, my spouse,
they love each other so much.
They care about each other so much,
and then it's like five years later,
it's like Solomon's married to 55 million women, right?
Obviously it didn't continue.
So here's what I'm saying.
Even if things are going very well,
there's no guarantee it's going to continue.
And here's the reality.
It is a lot easier to have a happy marriage
when there are no storms of life.
There are no problems.
And when you get married, you generally don't have problems.
You're happy.
You're excited.
And it's like all of those other details
you're going to kind of figure out later
and going to find out, you know,
and then as time goes by,
you get stressed out.
You get busy.
You have kids, and a lot of your energy
and time is taken up.
Your kids are sick in the middle of the night.
You get a couple hours of sleep.
You're frustrated.
You're mad.
And then all of a sudden,
what you can go back to is brotherly love for your spouse.
That's why you need a sermon like this.
Because it's very easy when things are going well
to have that brotherly love.
Right?
Well, what about when you go through the storms of life?
Because in marriage,
you have a unique relationship in many ways,
but one of the things is that together,
you go through the storms of life.
You know, oftentimes,
we focus on the storms and the problems,
and we get mad at our spouse
as if it's their problem, but it's not.
No matter who you'd be married to,
you'd go through storms.
You'd go through problems.
It's not the fault of your spouse.
And here's the question.
I mean, when you go through these storms of life,
what's your reaction?
I used this example yesterday.
Imagine I had an orange in my hand,
and I squeezed it.
What's going to come out is going to be orange juice.
Right?
It's not going to be apple juice.
It's not going to be, you know, whatever.
It's going to be orange juice.
Right?
It's not going to be grape juice.
It's going to be orange juice.
Here's the thing.
Me squeezing that orange
did not change what was on the inside.
It's not the fault of me squeezing the orange
that caused it to be orange juice.
The squeezing, the pressure,
revealed what is on the inside of that orange.
What I'm saying is that
when you go through storms of life
and what comes out is,
I hate you.
I should have never married you.
This is the worst life in the world.
It's not your spouse's fault
or the storms of life.
It's just revealing what's on the inside of you.
The ugliness is coming out.
Not exactly brotherly love.
And here's the thing.
You can't avoid the storms of life
or the problems.
Face it.
When you have kids,
your kids are going to knock over juice
and completely just cause a huge mess.
It's going to take place.
Your kids are going to eat a bowl of rice
and half the rice is going to be on the floor.
Getting mad at them is foolish.
They're a child.
It's going to take place.
That's called a pressure situation
where what's revealed on the inside of you
is not so great.
It makes sense why the Bible says
cleanse the inside
because the inside is going to come out at some point.
And it's going to reveal what you really are spiritually.
The question is what's on the inside of you.
You cannot avoid those pressure situations
or those storms of life.
They're going to come
and they're going to reveal
what is on the inside of you.
Judges 14 verse 20.
The Bible reads...
And we're going to talk actually about Samson
in the next sermon,
but Judges 14 verse 20.
Let me just show you this verse.
But Samson's wife was given to his companion
whom he had used as his friend.
Now, this is referring to Samson's friend,
but he had the same mindset with his relationships.
And look, in marriage,
don't just use your spouse as your friend.
Well, you know what?
I'll hang out with them when I want to,
but if I don't want to,
I'm just going to avoid them.
It's all about me.
The concept of a friend
is that you help out other people
when they're in need,
and they also do the same to you.
He that has friends
must show himself friendly.
Where basically your friend calls you up and says,
Hey, I really need help.
Can you help me out?
And you're thinking,
Man, I really don't want to.
I'm busy. I'm tired or whatever.
But since they're your friend
and you have that brotherly and Christian love,
you help them out.
And they do the same for you.
Don't just use your spouse as your friend
because what's eventually going to take place
is they're not going to want to be your friend.
They're like,
You only care about me when you want it,
and now when I need something,
you're just like,
Eh, I don't want to have anything to do with you.
Right?
Don't just use your spouse as your friend.
Go to Galatians 6.
Galatians 6.
Galatians chapter 6.
The Bible says,
He that findeth a wife obtaineth favor of the Lord.
I mean, it's a blessing to be married
and have a family,
but the reality is marriage is difficult.
I never tell people that,
Hey, you know what?
Marriage is easy.
You're never going to have any problems.
It's just like the Hollywood movies.
Everything is perfect.
No, it's not just like the Hollywood movies.
Right?
Marriage has problems.
Marriage has difficulties.
And unfortunately,
sometimes we allow those difficulties
to cause us to forget the fact
how we felt when we actually got married.
Here's the thing.
Feelings come and go,
but your brotherly love for your spouse
should always be there.
Right?
I mean, you have these emotions
where you're really happy.
I mean, because this is the way it is in marriage.
Your emotions go all over the place.
As a guy,
and I'm sure as a woman as well,
where basically you feel very strongly,
then you get into an argument,
and you're like,
and you're mad.
Right?
Yeah, your feelings come and go.
That's just the way life is.
Sometimes you're angry.
Sometimes you're sad.
Sometimes you're happy.
Sometimes you're patient.
I mean, your feelings are all over the place all the time,
but your brotherly love should always continue.
Why?
Because that relationship
of your brother, sister, and Christ,
it will continue,
and your brotherly love for your spouse
ought to continue as well.
Galatians 6, verse 9.
And let us not be weary in well-doing.
Weary means tired.
Let us not grow tired when doing well,
for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.
Now, the context here is reaping rewards in heaven
for basically the good that you do,
but you can look at this
in the context of marriage as well.
And it says in verse 10,
as we have therefore opportunity,
let us do good unto all men,
especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
So even above the fact
that you're getting people saved
is that you're doing well
to your brothers and sisters in Christ.
And here's the thing.
You're married to someone
who I hope is your brother
or your sister in Christ.
And yes, the context
is reaping rewards in heaven,
but another application
is grow not weary in well-doing
toward your spouse
because in due season,
you're going to reap the benefits
of a better marriage.
Right?
I mean, if a husband is up here
in his mindset
of how much he's doing for his wife,
and he says his wife is here,
the wrong attitude is,
well, I'm not going to do anything nice
for my wife
until she's equal to my level.
The right attitude is
if I put in more love and attention,
then my wife will also.
Instead of worrying about
who is putting in more effort
in this marriage,
well, you should both be trying your best,
and of course you're going to be failing,
but instead of worrying
about what your spouse is doing,
worry about what could I do better
as a husband or a wife.
And what's the result?
You're going to reap
the benefits of this.
Go to 1 Thessalonians 4.
1 Thessalonians 4.
This brotherly love,
it ought to be limitless.
And look, this is a lot easier said than done.
You know, a verse in the Bible
that is, you know,
in some ways
one of the most encouraging
and best verses in the Bible,
and in other ways,
it's like the worst verse in the Bible,
is when David says to Jonathan
that his love for him
is above the love of any women,
speaking toward the great friendship they had.
Well, in terms of your friends,
that's a great attitude.
Man, I love this person.
I really care about this person.
But he was married.
It's like it passes the love of women.
Now, it's an accurate statement
because David's marriages were horrible,
and it's a sad statement,
although a true statement
in the context of marriage.
It's like because that's not
the way it ought to be.
Your best friend ought to be
the person that you're married to.
That's what the Bible teaches.
And the fact that David would say that,
there's a problem there.
Right?
Now, look, this is,
as I said, easier preached than done.
I mean, marriage requires
time and effort and work.
Look, if somebody is honest to you
that has been married for a long time,
they will tell you that it took
a lot of time and effort and work.
I mean, have you ever seen YouTube videos
of people married for like 70 years
or something like that?
What advice would you give?
And they'll say that,
you know what,
it takes a lot of work and effort
if you want a good marriage.
People that have a good marriage
will say it takes effort.
You don't just magically have a good marriage.
You got to put in time and effort to have it.
Of course, the question is,
is that what you want?
It ought to be because
that's kind of the promise
you make before God
when you get married,
that you're going to pour that love
into your spouse.
It takes time.
It takes effort.
Point one, lowliness.
Esteeming your spouse being
better than you or more important.
Point two, limitless.
It should not end.
Point three, largening.
Notice what it says in verse nine.
But as touching brotherly love,
you need not that I write on you,
for yourselves are taught of God
to love one another.
And indeed, you do it
toward all the brethren
which are in all Macedonia.
But we beseech you, brethren,
that you increase more and more.
And look, this was a good church,
the Church of Thessalonica.
Anyway, what Paul says is,
you know what,
we hear of your love
toward the brethren,
this brotherly love,
and that's great,
increase more and more.
Largen, make it bigger.
And here's the thing,
if you have this love for your spouse,
you say, brother Stuckey,
in our marriage,
we do have lowliness,
and you know what,
it is endured.
But you know what,
it shouldn't just endure,
it should increase.
That's the context,
that you increase more and more.
Paul's saying, hey, you know what,
it's great that everybody knows
of the love you have
for your brethren.
This brotherly love,
it ought to increase.
It ought to get bigger.
And the goal is that
when you get married,
as time goes by,
you have more brotherly love
for your spouse.
Unfortunately, oftentimes
that's not the case in marriage.
Oftentimes, you get married
and you allow the storms of life
and problems to cause you
to get angry at your spouse
and blame your spouse
and hate your spouse
and not forgive your spouse.
That is not the way
that God intended it.
And for sake of time,
we're pretty much already done.
I'm not going to go
to this last passage.
Here's what the Bible teaches
about brotherly love in marriage.
Number one,
there ought to be lowliness.
Brotherly love,
being humble,
looking at your spouse
as being more important
than yourself.
This is a vow you make
before God.
All of these are.
That you're going to do this.
This is just a reminder to you
from when you got married.
Because sometimes in life,
we just need to be
reminded of the things
we already know.
Put away your bitterness.
Put away your pride.
Put away your envy.
Put away your anger.
Put away these things.
Part of brotherly love
is forgiveness,
regardless of what has happened.
Forgive.
You say what?
Brotherly love.
Right?
If you were to ask random people
about Christian love,
one of the big things
people would say is forgiveness.
Right?
Forgive your spouse
for the things
that have been done
that are wrong.
You've got to have lowliness.
It ought to be limitless.
It should never end.
And it ought to be
largening.
As time goes by,
you've got to love
your spouse more
and show more brotherly love
than the day you got married.
Let's close in order of prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father,
thank you for allowing us
to be here today.
And I ask you to help
all of us in this room,
all of the married couples,
and also all the people
that will one day
be looking for a spouse
to find someone who
can help you.
God, help us to understand
this concept of brotherly love.
Help me and my wife as well, God,
to understand this concept.
And help us to exhibit this.
Help us to put aside
our pride and envy
and bitterness
and all of our problems.
Help us to have
100% complete forgiveness
where we don't bring up the past,
but just forgive one another, God.
Help the families in this room
to have strong families,
strong marriages, God.
And help all of us.
We're all sinners.
We're trying our best.
Help us to improve.
Help this love increase
more and more, God.
We pray this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Let's get our haoms
and turn to hymn number 182.
Let's sing this,
On the wonderful story of love.
On the first, ready, sing.
Wonderful story of love,
Fell into me again.
Wonderful story of love,
Big valley for my strength,
Angels with capture announced it,
Shepherds with brotherly sinning,
Sinner of love to be leading,
Wonderful story of love,
Wonderful,
Wonderful story of love,
Oh, you are far away.
Wonderful story of love,
Still beautiful today,
Falling through powdery fountains,
Gone from the mistle-fried fountains,
In the blood of creation,
Wonderful story of love,
Wonderful,
Wonderful story of love,
Jesus provides a rest,
Wonderful story of love,
For all the poor and next,
Have seen those mountains above us,
With those who've bound before us,
Singing the rapturous chorus,
Wonderful story of love,
Wonderful,
Wonderful story of love,
Mother June, can you pray for us?
Amen.